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Wednesday, 17 December 2008

the reading test...

Was fiddlin with the "stumbleupon" that I came across this page...
 


And in case you wonder, I passed with fly colours too.. Man, our brain is amazing!!

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

took for granted?

boredom in me resulted in 八卦ness.. since saw some email links in my in-box on blogs of some I knew by face & name (i.e. superficially only), click on to satisfy the paparazzi in me..

I saw on the bottom of the wish list of one of these person.. was actually what I'd done it and history to me.. oh yes, that involved moo-lah.. and that person is minor in eyes of law.. (or perhaps, now no longer...) but that two courses of study - one of them is currently providing my bread & butter now - ya the bcc in acc.. haha.. the other being, the recreational commercial course that i took with fish (she was the one who got the deal...)

Had my 7th lesson @ the red dot museum.. (there is only one record label there...but don't want to list it down.. not doing free promo!) (gonna missed the 8th [& final] cuz of drama rehearsal next monday).. didn't continue the full course (the total course is 20 sessions) cuz felt that I'd enrolled in the wrong class.. I don't listen to Chinese pop (no particular reason for not doing so..) and I don't aspire to be the next superstar.. And the teacher 'beseeches" us to prepare a Chinese tune for him to comment... Okie.. I'm not a kantang. I do can crone a few Chinese tunes.. (inclusive of my sec sch & jc school anthems!) On the contrary, my command of Chinese language and fluency in that language is much more superior than english.. BUT, I just don't subscribe to Chinese pop.

What I want is to improve vocally and frankly, the music theory taught that he briefly taught interest me more (cuz the course focus was on pop vocal, hence classical theory 轻描淡写就已足够了!) Hmmm anyway, i foresee I will not be working in the town area soon (by faith!!) so, reaching tanjong pagar by 7pm would probably be a tall order for me..

Perhaps shall ask val abt her teacher.. :)

And about what's that's been harping me since... He is in control.. and if He has given the vision, He will send forth the provision... Not too bad of that "fretting" - i ended up having not much of an appetite yesterday. :)

Sunday, 14 December 2008

the good vs the better

Woke up 745 in shock with calltime just 30minutes away. The flesh thought up chains of excuses to excuse myself from serving.. (such as sick..) and sleep in a bit more *it was raining!!!* and just attend S3... but couldn't bring myself to do that..but thank God a Merz cab came up seconds i waited on curb.. was 5 min late.. BUT there were less than 20 peeps.. Woohoo...

Yikes, I was pulled to the front row last minute cuz 2nd row was too squeezy (cuz a sister from third row was pulled to second row last min).. Man.. I confess, I was semi-dressed down - compared to the ac standard... (no fakies - my eyes were not prep for the additional roofs being tired and kinda swollen... not much of bling, except the gold discs .. hair flat.. make-up not va va voom - did it within 10minutes after soundcheck..) and I've yet internalised the lyrics.. Tsk, cameramen did closeup lor.. :( prayed that I look as if I know the lyrics...

I like it when Pastor Tan preached.. Revelational... tsktsk.. was reminded of the Mary saga( see previous..)

Frankly, was sorta surprised that jia asked me to "nanny" the choir dramatists cuz she was unable to make it that early due to dialect church.. tsk tsk.. But did it anyway, with apprehension, afterall, i wasn't a helper or AH lor.. Was frankly kinda "stressed" when Sis Sandy asked for the choir i/c.. alrite la, she's actually approachable.. it's just me and my inadequacy acting up...

And i thank the wick-trimmer that helps me train my patience when conversing with her.. Cuz you being my senior (in age), it won't be good and appropriate to treat you like a youth. BUT since you have given your commitment to serve AND with the actual event happening in slightly more one week to go.. with not many rehearsals to go... And coupled with the fact that you aren't familiar with your parts, yet you see it alright to go for the pm/ and to be excused for the "My Hope" event cuz it's for the christmas... (which I agreed hands down, these two are equally important... esp in this season BUT... not all are involved in the production, but you are one of the privileged few..) and you deemed it ok to arrive late.. Sigh.. look at the big picture! I would love to give it to you, but I couldn't.. My reply is the political explanation ... and gently urged her to prioritise and suggested alternative solutions.. (and reiterate reason why IC/ helpers highlighted on the involvement/ commitment level) Sigh, told her if she really cannot commit, perhaps she would want to let her i/c know (but she seemed reluctant to not to participate...) And my personal take: you would want to deliver excellent piece of work, be it you are the mains or the background peeps...

Sigh, most people like to be in the limelight...(And I'm made of flesh & blood too.. so I'm not excluded..) But gotta know the season in you are in... Friends vs service, there is no need for compromise, but be sure not to jeopardize either.. ultimately, if there are no friends, it defeats the purpose of the whole event... as the saying goes "Good is the enemy of better.."

And I hate the d-nature in me that comes up so subtly when such situation arises...

There's something about Mary..

There is indeed something about her.. the "simply believe & obey" attitude..
Oh.. I'm not talking about the movie with the same title.. (incidentally, I do like the movie.. haha.. cuz it's hilarious..and movie with ben stiller is never fails to cheer me up... )

Mary.. hmm what a coincidence that the sermon that kai prepared for cg revolved ard Mary. Cuz earlier in the day, I was commenting aloud (via msn convo with ast) that I hope I would be like Mary when that call comes again..

Ooooo.. which brought to mind what He gently told me during the drama rehearsal on thurs.. Nah, not revealing the plot here.. but I couldn't stop the tears from rolling.. cuz the past falls haunt... Am i the "sucker" for failure reminiscences that refuse to move on? or it is just too comfortable to "torture" self with the failure to meet the 6 months deadline.. Man, if I know the cascading effects of that bo-chupness to what will really happen, I don't think I would take that lightly... Or perhaps, during the 6 months grace period, I'd done things by how man will do things, not looking thru' His lens... Cuz I'd taken the call too lightly? Yet, humbled by the fact, he overlook the imperfection and still render me qualified for the race...

Now when people ask what do you forsee yourself in doing (ministry-wise) in the future? in choir? or... I think I'm living in the vacation mode long enough, yet I know, choir-wise, I feel fun and joy (like how i feel joining an cca or taking those general electives modules during my uni-days... - ie recreational.. satisfy what I enjoy doing....Yet, it's not the core esessential module...)

I wish I could be like Mary, and simply believes.. and wait for the kairos moment...

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Relaxing Saturday


An impromptu decision to pop by lacbar after gym due to chipped nails. Loved the nail colours- fingers- reflections; toes- midnite blue with glitter. Quirky names that OPI nails colours have!

Friday, 12 December 2008

cherry stalk knotted..

As i was happily savoring the remaining of my bowl of cherries, I decided to do a yoga stunt with the cherry stalk with my tongue.. 
the bowl of cherries...


Cherry stalk no. 1 (took abt five minutes... trying to visualise the knotting process...) . 



Being bored still, decided to try to do it within shorter time....SO i take another cherry, finish the juicy fruit.. and haha begin attempt no. 2

the stalk...



 
the 2nd knot!! Did it in abt 2 minutes... i think...

Yup.. I'm that bored... Think my tongue has innate yoga ability.. :) woo.. my man (whoever he is?) should be a happy person (as ast pointed out - cuz i'd used it in my msn nick, so he commented...haha) - why ah? haha... *blush* *shy* Pretends to be ignorant.. haha


the happy twin knots!

Oh man.. I'm really bored!

Thursday, 11 December 2008

a blessing in disguise??

I realized that due to the drama involvement... I won't have time for Christmas shopping.. (good for my pocket.. bad for the economy... cannot inject funds into the economy...) sAd... but at least I can stop stocking up on the "limited editions palettes".

My colleague was telling me of the 50% MNG sale.. Wa.. tempting tempting... but gotta hold the reigns.. else.. not bleeding love but bleeding moolah ... Seriously, wardrobe overflowing... and tsktsk.. i need to stop procrastinate to clear the mountainpile of clothes and be less sentimental to stuff I won't be wearing.. again.. And to take that i worn-it-twice-cuz-it-was-ridiciously-huge-but-bought-cuz-50%-sale blingbling jeans from skin to alteration {else it is VERY ugly with the excess material esp @ the butt area) ... and seriously be less sentimental and clear out the old books ( gosh, the Econs 10-years-series is still sitting somewhere in my cardboard.. and the paperbacks that were yellowed with age... - horrendous thought now.. possibility of silverfish & 小强s eeeeks! ) Shall get to work to clear them on Sat perhaps.. (the only day without drama rehearsal!)or maybe just the dumping part - else risking the dust allergy aftermath if i do major cleaning...

Hmmm but i still have lunch time to spare right? HAHA... Vivocity.. the only place to shop this christmas... (machiam like advertising for vivo.. HAHA!!)

sad.. my 20% FFF bday voucher expired.. Tsktsk.. (Ah-Q mentality will say - you save 80%!) tsktsk...

Yup, I've got too much time to spare.. hence non-sensical bimbotic posts... shall enjoy while it last...

Sigh, attending S3 this weekend (and perhaps the next) cuz of the rehearsals venue.. won't see my cgm prolly oni during christmas? or maybe after that? so sad.....

Another $ saver.. no need to do up hair & spend $ on new apparel [cuz no carolling for me - again-yup due to manymany unforeseen (though it's actually forseen but i chose not to but gotta pull out LAST min, and not sure if next year still have chance? ) and not serving choir during the xmas service].... goodie good.. tsktsk-- coldturkey treatment for the shopaholic.. haha..

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Time waits for no one..

The first line of a song which I rather like in my sch days.. (oh yes, the name of this group now comensurate the date the WTC crash..)..

yep, time waits for no one, hence down with procrastination...

Year 2008 is coming to a close. As a reflection, the response to the summary of events of the 2008 till date , from a man on street's viewpoint is probably one filled with the unmentionables signs.. otherwise denoted as the @#!!$$ ..  I reckoned.  Hmmm you lose some, you gain some.

Recently, in the midst of an msn conversation with one I assumed is a neutral party in which the "victim" poured her injustices ( during the active saga period)... I was indigant to learn that the response to the whole saga was "neither angry/ bitter". Hmm, angry? Gee, fact of the matter is that my anguish/ betrayal/ disappointment  were not laundered to any third parties cuz I didn't wish to create the feeling of bias among the common acquaintances which the "victim" and i shared. Yet, from some neutral third parties' mouth, the person did otherwise.. so I became the villiant in the saga! Oh well, forget it!  I don't want the blood in my hand.. Pass the salt!  Yet, to poke at the scab which has grown over the wound is not advisable at the current moment. Frankly, bff is now like a joke to me.. thanks a lot. In situation that I encounter salt,  I will bear in mind that salt are crystals too.. (Translate: Crystals aren't opaque, light passes through crystal.. hence you can look thru them.)

Pass the salt... Next..

Sorta regretted crawling for 5 minutes during the run.. :( sad.. timing ain't that bad but surely it's not my best. Imagine I still have energy to do so many things after the run and no muscle aches or whatsoever the next day...  At least, there's still next year to makeup for it.  On a happier note.. the ego me is happy to find out that her timing was a tad speedier than her fit-ex colleague from iras - (whom she bumped into in gym last sat b4 the run and on the day of run itself) as well as peeps that she knew who ran the same course as her.. okie...ego me..  Crush that!!

oh no.. no more time to waste here... another rehearsal this evening.. thought I could make it to the gym for an hour or so... sigh, gotta lug my shoes  & stuff to & fro.. Attempting to rise a little earlier tmw ( crossing fingers that it'll end before 1030 tonite!) sad.. might miss cg the next two weeks.. (but am "excused" wo.. haha)...

to be continued..  would try to parablise on something I read somewhere soon..

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

weird message

A very weird message in my facebook inbox - i half-suspect it being spam mail... from someone whom i don't know (though from the list of friends - there's one choir member listed as his friend..)

Here the weird msg goes...

"Dear like to knw u as a friend my name mani working as logistic officer in DSTA local my email address is xxxxxxx@dsta.gov.sg and contact num is 8xxxxxx4 how is ur christmas shopping going in care to join me in christmas shopping can i get u a gift for christmas dear love can get ur ciontact num tool"

?

I wonder if this poor DSTA guy email was hecked into? Cuz seriously, the message is full of typo errors! and why so many "dear" eks! haha...

the first 10km! :)

Despite my attempt to sleep earlier before the run.. i slept at 12am! Tsktsk.. And cuz dinner was late @ 21 hrs, I couldn't perform the "water-parade" as advised by e, to hydrate myself to prevent dehydration.. henceforth, woke up @ 5:30 to makan brekkie and drank like a camel..
Decided to travel lite - meaning.. no baggage to deposit @ counter.. hence was wearing my short shorts .. (woo hoo! I can fit into size S now.. haha.. yay! Dropped one size down in 4 months.. :) !!) kinda conscious lo, cuz haha feel so naked.. in my short-shorts and the blue tee and running gear (felt lost with bags..haha) haha.. when throngs of similar cladded ladies streamed in at tampines - haha.. all heading to the same destination - cityhall.. Hmmm seemed like lotsa active ladies in the east too..:)

Attempted to empty before the run (I can't run with full bladder...) Saw a couple of my friends @ cityhall.. waved @ my ex-colleague YP and spotted Mel (who was running for her company i assumed, she wearing her company tee..) Too many peeps, hence couldn't meet up with xiaorong, who's oso there with her cg.

Despite attempt to empty before the run... I had a small detour to the smelly loo.. :( think I'd over-drank ... which resulted in a nasty experience of running with a full bladder..after the 2km mark.. :( which resulted me in walking up the sheares bridge.. and crawled @ a slower pace.. until i spotted the pink portable toilet.. without long queues).Man.. it was not a pleasant sight within/ and foul smell emit when the door open! Think the users don't realised that the handtowels ought not to be chunked into the loo!! ) Wasted at least 5 minutes to wait, queue and empty.. but it was worthwhile . .else.. i will waste more time walking.. haha... (I must have walked approximately for 1 km out of the 10km!)

Fave stretch of the run was the F1 pit-stop area.. cuz there must be like 10 over race cars parked there!! (Didn't snap any pictures cuz I was plugged to my phone, strapped to my arm) hence.. didn't want to waste time to remove and snap away.. Hmm i was to spot St Andrew Cathedral.. cuz ending point is near.. was feeling sleepy by then.. I guessed effects of caffeine-withdrawal syndrome kicking in... I missed my coffee!) .. and left arm was aching as i crawled pass the 8km mark - i wondered if it's the after-effects of my training the day before OR the extra weight on my left arm - my mobilephone strapped there...) was giving me the problem..but nonetheless was more than happy to cross the finish line... :).. finish the 10km in 1 hr 10min 10 sec! Not too bad woah... here's the link that documented my race details.. Didn't managed to finish within the 1 hour goal.. oh well.. it's still not too bad..considering that I'd wasted quite a lot of time to walk and empty! haha!!

Had an yummy brekkie with ziv @ tcc after the run. I like the breakfast selection there and the ambience too!! The cafe was rather empty, except for us and another group. (non- runners though.. haha! Smart move for us to walk to bugis instead of "jamming the sillyhall area with the other runners" !! Hmmm think we might be up for the 21km next year.. haha.. :) As for the full marathon, we agreed that it was mission impossible for us now..
Some pictures to relive the moments.. (the pictures @ the finish line is not ready! Also dunno if the official photographers did capture that moment..haha!)


the yummy breakfast!!

the (almost) empty TCC!


Ziv, my running bro!!



me with the finisher medal..



miffy !!

Hmmm surprisingly, with the extra dose of energy, i walked thru the pasir ris park home... hand-washed my whole week's worth of laundry... (yep..i feel like energiser bunny after the run!!) and went shopping for new sofa @ century sq in the evening with mum & bro.. haha.. :)

Spent the whole of monday nua-ing at home after yummy dim-sum @ imperial @ T3 with family..[ate ultra unhealthy peking duck too!! Ops!] Slept ultra-early @ 10pm (with a short nap in the afternoon!) .. and yet i woke up late this morning @ 730am! Flagged a cab to work cuz I've to be @ JW 7pm so can't afford to be late for work.. haha.. :) At least, I've a well-rested monday.. I guessed the next two weeks will be hectic cuz i'd volunteered to be opt-in for the christmas drama... :)!

Hmmm it will be hectic, (as i vividly recalled the first-time involvement as a calefei in drama (no lines.. just smile n look angelic)- as angel too in the easter production when i was freshly recruited into choir) but since I'm quite free now, so thought i could avail ba..

And yeah, e might be coming for christmas.. yeah! :) kinda surprising how the topic evolved but glad for the opportunity to share a bit with him during our training session last sat..Nope, didn't preach to him.. and guessed can consider him quite open ba.. considering he used to attend sunday school during sec - cuz of his BB days.. and he was the one who started the topic.. :) 

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

bored to tears..

I can't believe it.. I'm not doing much work today and spent the whole morning and part of my afternoon on msn chat .. Nothing much to do... Was chatting with ast lor.. haha he's sure an entertaining chap.. hahaha...

good la.. else.. i've nothing much to do but to just face-booking..

Looking forward to evening.. attempting to do a short, faster run later...

Monday, 1 December 2008

the 3 hours of editing...

Spent the last three hours plus sitting in front of my five year old HP LCD screen (oh yes, i'm still desktop bounded, the LCD monitor outlasted its' CPU, which was replaced by the 2 years + ibm - which is still going on strong - except that I'd killed the CD-RW function this morning while trying to burn kai's proposal to vory - Not too sure how i killed the CD-RW drive though.. but the CD-R burning function still alirite.. Hmmm think will get a lappy when budget allows.. I'd digressed.. !!) updating my CV - hmm realised I'd some typos in the previous cv.. T_T" think my eyes are brighter/sharper now.. haha..

Was rather hesitant whether to push the submit button.. but felt challenged to step out of the comfy zone during service.. Oh well, I'd already submitted.. so come what may... Just an application... Keeping fingers cross (though seriously, if I work there instead.. it'll be a chore to head down for choir prac @ JW... oh well.. I'm thinking so far ahead.....)

Now, wonder should i send my updated CV to the headhunter who called me a couple of weeks back.. Perhaps, I should.. but I don't want to do tax related stuff woah...

Was at the SITEX on sat.. Tanah Merah Platform was people mountain people sea... Singapore in midst of technical recession?? Judging from the number of LCD TVs in the taxi queue @ foyer 2 and the throngs of people in Hall 5/6 .. I beg to differ... Despite not being a techkie.. I was tempted by the Sony Vaio CR series.. it's $300 off the market price of $1999.. but the ibm still functioning.. the beckoning voice of iPod/ nano/ iPhone.. Was rationalising to recontract earlier (by paying more... ) to buy the iPhone @ the Apple booth when in my unglam (tank top, shorts - okie, not to bad.. just not glam - the fit to go tampines mall outfit) state, i was poked by e.. Haiz.. so unglam..but then again.. what's the big fuss.. haha.. he saw me in my ugly fat state... back to phone.. my w660 is cracking up (literally cracked and connection loosening..) Pray that it'll last till the magical 18th month to qualify for "legal" recontract... ( a few more months)

Side-track.. the thanksgiving service... it was a short service but none the less.. Wow! Had not been sowing in all the A&B ( think my first A&B was in 2001/2 ) and i've yet come to the stage that the reaping has outweight the sowing.. BUT all in all.. I was reminded of the many tiny miracles life-saving moments. and was reminded that THE best has yet to come.. the new thing that He's reminding me of.. what I'm doing now is definitely nothing new/fresh.. so i wonder if it is...

Been blabbering.. Need to zzzz.. Trying to hit the treadmill for 5k in the AM.. Dec 7 is approaching and e set me the target to complete within 45min!! To me.. it's a goal too far stretch now... Anyway, it's my first 10 k ma.. so... haha.. aiming for not more than the hours I put in my application form which was 1hour 20min... haha..
Good morning...

Friday, 28 November 2008

tempted to change...

Was extremely bored @ work today... am actually surfing the web for greener pastures.. Face it, don't think I derive much job satisfaction from current vocation and yes, am not really that driven to further studies in this discipline..... kinda like the job scope.. and the workplace is like so near home.. (I foresee that I will be still be an easterner even in the event of marriage - east coast will be cool!! ) .. but ah ha.. the catch is that I'd formerly rejected their invitation to interview previously prior to clinching my current job.. wonder if this would leave a bad impression.. sigh.. itching for a change... AGAIN..  (Change.. yes we can.. sounds vaguely familiar? ... haha )

thinking aloud...

Thursday, 27 November 2008

The good, the bad, the ugly...

Time just wheeze by... Just one week ago, was preparing for the AC..

In the short span of one week.. Experienced the good, the bad and the ugly...

In short, no man is perfect. And even for myself.. it's not just a period of stretching but testing... Privileged to serve for the 9 out of the 10 sessions on the choir stand.. The only session* Fri Nite session* that I didn't cuz I wanted to rest and *hopefully* be "ministered" to in the main Hall (dimly sat in the last few rows of max pavillion on first nite and couldn't see the screen!! BAD experience... )- and actually went queuing.. BUT due to some hiccups in the communications in the crowd flow control.. the last to come became the first to enter main hall... Nah, I didn't kick a big FUSS like the couple that Tris & JY illustrated - i put on my 包公 face.. *me comprised of flesh & blood and clocking only that no. of hours of snooze time and having a pair of rabbit eyes with eyelids that refuse the fake parapets to be reinforced above for extra vavavoom glam (translate: swollen eyelid with non-stop tearing right-eye that melted the waterproof upmarket lash glue which result in self-peeling eyelash).. and guessed that the bo-chupness was ultra evident...(cuz cgl tried to downplay the miscom..- which I'd already know but refused to acknowledge... but by then it's more 钟无艳 than 包公 face: Translate: from full-fledge black to half-black) so just forced a smile at him... which I know I ought not to.. but the carnal side presided for the short 30 minutes... [oh well.. I get to see the talentime segment... and saw my friends' performance. :) ] Felt bad to do a singalong Praise and was gently-chastened during the new song we sang for worship.. Texted cgl an apology msg for my bad attitude earlier.. haha..

That's the imperfect part - for me...

But the uglier sights were the complaints.. the booking of seats.. the sleeping @ table during the lunches when guest speakers were sharing - and yup, these are delegates wearing blue landyard - translate : own members..
Thankfully the foreign delegates that I met were.. wow !.. Shared the table with a couple of New Life Church members during the lunch with Dr AR Bernard. Was with Jiajia & Yvonne.. we were wondering if that was Wing sitting at our table.. until he introduced his profession to another foreign delegate that he was a 创作歌手! I was ….!! ... As it seemed rude just to interrupt their conversation, we just chatted among ourselves until he left for practice.. (Apparently for the segment in the evening..) Chatted with the brother, (not a full time worker, but from his manner of speech, should be a lay leader) from New Life Church.. in pure mandarin (almost, except a few words which I couldn’t translate in time)! Thank goodness for my 10 years of (primary & secondary) education in cheena schools, I could pass for a native Mandarin speaker! >.< They are ever appreciative of our church, of Pastor Kong's teachings.. and ever humble to learn from us (despite them being so creative!! ) Just brought to mind how the members have taken the pastors for granted.. tsktsk... and we not catching what’s in Pastor’s vision but the members of the affiliated churches are…

And the fear instilling prophecies and the machaim monastery-typesy calling (放下世俗万物) and the order of priority - and kinda contradictory to the Word of God and what we, as a church believed in - which left some of us uneasy that Sat evening.. No doubt on his healing gifting. Then again, evangelists are often controversial and peculiar. No matter what, one can just be ignorant ad just take everything @ surface level and word for word. (Same goes for what you read on the papers..) Have to test the prophesies with word of God. Like how Pastor gently “refuted” the interesting few points that was preached in the preceding morning session – with verses in the Bible!

Was educated, encouraged, empowered by the sessions.. especially those by Dr AR Benard and Dr Phil Pringle.. as well as Pastor Kong's .. :)

And what I took away from this five days is not just the superficials [like the make-up or dressing – which in actual fact, I did not revamp my wardrobe or makeup (save for the parapets!) hence to say- QC passed!] But the hair.. yup.. i like the styling BUT the removing of hairspray is torturous!! But what left a more lasting impression was how He sees me in spite of..
As reflected in the last chorus of “The God I know”
The Church He knows, righteous and holy
The Church He knows, faithful and true
The Church He knows, a tower of refuge
Hearts are healed, Christ revealed.

The Church He knows, light of this city
The Church He knows, strengthens the weak
The Church He know, is strong and mighty...
As He is, so are we.

Who comprise of His Church? We..  Need to up the faith level..

As for 2009, I wonder if … (Felt that it’s time but … I lack the faith & the BIG push) And I want further studies.. Definitely not in taxation/ accountancy.. but perhaps another degree in another discipline – like creative arts?


And yes..was glad to catch-up/fellowship with Xiaorong (haven't talked to her for long time.. cuz serving different locations).. whom I got to spend loads of time with throughout the 5 days.. :) *haha, think I attended most of my electives with her! Thanks dear for helping me with my lashes and your endurance of my nonsense at times.. and haha squeezing me with ur cg during the sesssions.. *hugs* .


And kei.. thanks for bearing with my haha nonsense too.. especially on the 钟无艳 nite... [so happy for you.. the ng appointment! yay! I can pop by ur shop during lunch... :)]

And thanks for Joyce & Joy.. I have pretty glam glam hair for two nite sessions.. :)


Nah, not gonna post up AC-related pix ...Afterall, there are enuff of them on Facebook... Or maybe if I feel like it .. haha..

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Silent Rebellion

Alright, I'm being childish.. but until I'm feeling more appeased.. I'm targeting to leave work on the dot @ 6pm.. no more no less... but actually am meeting an ex-colleague.. so I'll have to leave @ 6pm.. haha..

Sigh.. wondered if I was being too juvenile in commenting on the ratings given by the sups... in the appraisal.. (After all, it was stated that to comment whether one agree/ disagree to the comments... ) hence.. (since I'm not in agreement to.. ) added "neutral to rating given by supervisors.." I guess it should be politically right, and I'm not stating the untruth.... and I'm not agreeing to their opinions that implied incompetency...

Or perhaps, I am just being too paranoid... Or simply put it.. 好胜心太重了,输不起. Dislike falling woa... When I thought I was standing again, falling comes.. ... ... Next time.. must beef up with knee guards...

Anyway.. felt loved by the encouragement of those who read my frustrated post yesterday.. and gene even managed to discipher my non-sensical status... :) thanks guys.. I'm surviving...

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

desserped

manure.... the crude form of which is what I felt I'm entrenched in currently..

Being waken in the middle of night by the sharp acute pain coupled with chocolate shake like substance is a sure sign of what's to come today.. Oh well.. blimey..

Verbal diarrhea on the multiply site earlier.. (thanks to ast.. haha have been using that blog..more frequently...)

was rather desserped earlier this morning... not typing in tongues..
Cynically how could '08 be the best year yet? In fact, it can be considered the year of the living *hades*..
(sounds more refine than hell.. )
That which affected me spiritually affects my performance @ work.. (Imagine 7- 8 months of zombie/distracted state...no wonder the  resulting less than satisfactory work appraisal for the year... ) I'm not blame-pushing.. but should I thank the "absentee covering" for shoving me such a challenge.. All right, I'm still peeved.. @ what ought to be done, or was expected to be done.. Just when I thought I've let it go .. the recent episode that spring off from the power of assumption (without asking and assumed that i will know what is required by the inspiration from God.. without even a word from him/her to send confirmation?)  peeved, very peeved.. [Can't help but to recall the ac's opinion that I was causing the massive grievances to the victim... without -perhaps-bothered to consider the other side of story.. ]... Seriously, thanks for helping me to waste away the past 8 - 9 months of my life and making me so distracted at work... Sigh.. praying that the less than optimal appraisal still qualify me for the pb.. else.. bye bye A&B.. (or i'll have to scrimp and scrimp... ) But perhaps ac felt that that was the appropriate course of action (to leave me to fight it out & to crawl out of the mess alive..- i didn't.. I ran away...) God.. help me to forgive... 

And whatever the case, if He has given me the amount, it will be provided... I believe still..

Not the absentee's problem entirely... my response to the absence of wise counsel plays a huge part...

just that it still hurts.... the stark naked truth of (not doing well) hurts... A very expensive lesson...

Or perhaps.. i should throw in the towel again.. . (On second thoughts, shall not run away.. again.. )

or I should go walking in the rain...(again..) and catch pneumonia and be eligible for eternal home passage ....

what a blimey...

Highly distracted... higly de-motivated... I will leave PROMPTLY when the clock strikes 6. Peeved..2-way review.. bleh.. I beg to differ... oh well.. pray for 2008 to end now.. and 2009 to begin....

*Disclaimer* The article was drafted when the author was in a highly unstable state (due to the "pre"-stage of the month...) and does not accurately reflects her overall outlook of life in general...

Saturday, 8 November 2008

:)

Almost didn't do my routine Friday run cuz i forgot my socks.. ;
[*Next week.. I don't think so woah.. cuz it's the 14th!!*. *hint!*] my mind was processing thoughts that since I'd only slept for 2 hours this morning.. should not subject the body to bodily torture... Seemed like my feet have a mind of their own.. they alighted (with the body attached.. obv.. ) @ Raffles Place and i found myself @ the chap-pa-lam shop next to the citibank machine @ the station to purchase a pair of cheapo socks.. (made in the melaine-plagued country.. ) no more excuse that I'll get blisters in shoes w/o socks..

It's less than a month away... Despite not running for the past few days.. still managed to finish 8 Km in 52.5 min (inclusive of 2 minute of warm-up walk..) Felt pleased with myself..

And.. I need to sleep now.. sigh.. working sat.. but looking forward to the events after work.. :)

eyes resembling-slits now...

lovely ginger..

This lovely kitty never fails to brighten my day for the four mornings @ Singpost while queueing to get to up to Heart of God.. (though i know some og the ushers were quite upset of this feline one to be lingering around - especially when it loiter around the breakfast area... )

Hmm i think it's one of the resident meow @ the Singpost... only managed to sneak a picture of its back view...

Friday, 7 November 2008

i have peeve like a river...

feeling very peeved.. cuz ended up having NIL electives to attend (despite taking my very limited leave for the 3 days...) and my ex-cgl just assumed that I'm not interested in the electives since he didn't hear a confirmation for me or my current cgl.. (paperwise, I'm still not transferred....) wait.. did he even ask me if I was interested to attend the electives? if not, how can i confirm... Sigh.. the power of assumption.. hopefully I can gatecrash into some of the electives.. or pray hard that some of those who signed up didn't turn up so the unregistered (like me) can take their place.. Totally identified with how amanda faith felt when she realised her cgl didn't register her for any electives...

Totally amazed...

Am actually still wide awake after nearly 20hours.. just finish reading up some work stuff.. cuz it was close to 1am when i reached home.. and cuz I brought my laptop home.. (too lazy to sit in front of my desktop) and took me 10+ min to figure out the WAN configuration to my wireless network @ home..

Felt so loved.. I'm rather surprised that in spite of it all.. He still believes in me.. Afterall, God is sovereign and He already know what will happen... What's my response gonna be??

Loved it @ the prayer meeting this morning... Almost didn't make it cuz I was having BAD runny nose on wed (which I slept till 7am and didn't made it to pm.. and didn't made it to gym cuz of my runny nose.. it was that BAD that cuz the fluid just can't seemed to cease flowing from my nasal cavity into my fish soup dinner - Gross!!) But the cab down to Singpost was worthwhile.. cuz had an encounter with God @ the pm..out of which I really believed that the arty thingy is coming to pass... and yeap.. my runny/blocked nose finally cleared (after binding the whatever spirit after I was frustrated with the prolonged blockage - 2 weeks!!) .. couldn't stop tearing throughout the hour (Good thing that I wasn't wearing much makeup except foundation.. else streaks across cheeks..)

And.. I was surprised/encouraged by the short chat I'd with Steven after cg... Afterall all these months of "hibernating",  I was kinda restless.. and frustrated... and I guessed I have rested enough... seen enough... reflected enough..  but my faith level still ain't there yet... See how things go ... one step at a time.. (I don't have that much faith to see me up  & running back to where I'd fell off in that much of a time ..) Obedience is better than sacrifice.. still need to revert to him.. I guess I've the answer.. Time to retake that failed module again...

I vowed not to snooze my alarm when it rings 2.5 hours later... and i plan to run this evening... :) and yeah.. I think I need new wardrobe.. think the workpants are getting looser... (kinda ugly actually... for fitting pants to look loose fit.. )

Monday, 3 November 2008

Lesson learnt..

Thou shall not snooze thy alarm when it sounded...
Thou shall rise from bed the very instant when the alarm sounded...
in short.. Thou shall no procrastinate... in removing thy body from the warm and inviting bed..

My dear alarm rang @ 4:50 am * as usual* for the past couple of weeks in its feeble attempt to get your truly up to exercise spiritually & physically.. however, to nil success.. [Legal excuse: I've a blocked nose for past couple of weeks.. but I made up by at least a 5k treadmill twice a week wo.. yup.. dec 7 is approaching and I only hit 10k once... :( ] Happily snoozed until 6:30 am which i woke up in shock.. and looking pale & paler after slapping on pure foundation & loose powder (to avoid being mistaken as China's 国宝) I ran out, hoping to get a cab as soon as I hit the pavement.. (usually cabs are abundant when i leave for work - which by then the PEAK hours surcharge is in operation).. Wrong.. I waited (irritably) from 641am to (Gasp!) 6:57 to finally flag down this comfort cab.. And thinking that I would at most bear the 35% surcharge of prolly a couple of dollars at most.. my dear government has installed yet another NEW ERP gantry before Eunos link (apparently in service wef 3 Nov 08.. signed, me ill informed!) ... which set the cab uncle spouting his dismayal at another revenue generating device from our government.. (Hello.. I'm the one paying for the ERP charges here.. so what's the fuss? - on another note, if there is no passenger, yup, he would have to bear the charge wo.. Now I truly understand how disgruntled residents of Toa Payoh were when the previous few ERP gantries were errected at the heartland area.. ) Man.. I would bypass PIE and head for ECP then or KPE to TPE.. (if i ever wanted to avoid the hussle and take a cab to work... which is a tad too expensive treat, especially in times like this...)

Oh well in short, my extra 30 minutes of snooze cost me $15! and yup, managed to reach Singpost ard 715.. SAD... :( queued for yet another 10+min and was huddled up @ the overflow balcony area... But despite it's just a short 30min for me.. it was very refreshing and provides more oumhph to kickstart my monday than the daily caffeine dosage and yup I was pretty amazed that I could actually hit the high high ranges without vocal warm ups.. Woo hoo... (Ally was leading pnw this morning...)

I resolute not to hit the snooze button tomorrow morning...

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

the long weekend...

All in all, it had been a long, tiring, but fun weekend.. :)

I almost did not made it to the Henderson wave thingy cuz (a) I was having a bad stuffed nose.. (b) most of my kaki-s not there.. (c) I want to avoid the situation whereby I get stuck in the same team as whom I wish to avoid.  [which nearly came to pass, fortunately, that person was MIA.. close shave.. I guessed I would spin some lame excuse if (c) did came to pass and i would MIA halfway or whatsoever.] If vory did not ring me up during my PT, I would have not turn up.. (cuz it was her birthday!!!)

I guessed that it was not a wasted trip. At least, I get to talk & share a lot with BL throughout the whole walk. :) And the amazing part was that I had accomplished that walk thingy in my not very comfortable (but cutesy) shoes after my upper body training & a 5km run (with the stuffed nose!!) .. [not to mentioned that I was volunteered to film one of the unglam mv of chasing amongst trees...] One pat on the shoulder for moi! And i get to spend a portion of Ivory's birthday with her @ Villa Bali.. after the event with Kai, charlene & joshua..  :) like the place, but not the music.. lovely company though...

And the stayover @ kwang & kei's was fun.. The actual fun begins only after the majority left.. which was after midnite. Was the official "Maria/ Sophia" of the day cuz figured out that eugene would need help since.. .. anyway, reminded me of the good old days when he whipped up yummy food @ his godfather's place @ melville's :) .. Reminiscing of the good times..:)

Did not join the rest of the gals in the "dry swimming dock" cuz Protege was on screen.. despite the fact that all the ladies were in the room.. cuz of the alluring daniel wu! (drools...) And ...we decided to entertain ourselves with monoploy after kwang's suggestion.. I guessed all of us haven't been playing this childhood board game for a really long time. and woo hooo.. we were really noisy and crazy throughout the game (which was what made the game fun!). After i guessed 3 hrs plus of the game.. (with the Jay's 2007 concert playing in the background, perhaps that add to the lively atmosphere too!) the game ended cuz all the $500 had been wiped out.. haha.. by yours truly... though I did not buy the most pricey land wo (only a couple land in the red/yellow/green sections) If only those notes in hand were legal tender.. woo.. I can fulfill the pledge @ one go in the first fruit weekend!!!

And not failing which, the inevitable of "tic-tac-toe" cuz there was a very eligible guy in the house which was Kwang & Kei's friend.. (and I was just gloating over e on sat when he's lamenting of how eager his friends were trying to fix him up @ every gathering/occasion/party cuz he is single..). Thankfully this happened after he left, else it would be akward - and after "being the maria" for the whole nite, I looked totally unglam.. :o my comments: I certainly concurr to the views of the introducer.. not to sure of what comes after... (for the record, e is just my pt, perhaps another brotherly figure...)

.... and for the record, I slept till noon and did not head down to harbourfront on monday - for goodness sake, it's a public holiday, and being in that vincity at least 5 days a week.. on a public hol, that would be the last place I want to be at..

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

the minute & mundane...

The minute mundane insignificant of which that bores..
Disdain for the predictable routines that my 24-7 revolve around.

Is it me or is the surroundings?

Time to take a break from the bimbo-ic way of life. Looking forward for more, but when will it come?

Perhaps it’s time to wrap the loose ends and move on.
 Move, not run…. Interestingly, I started running (literally) while running (metaphorically). It was particularly awkward to be enclosed within the same four walls with those that you did not wish to face/ encounter. Yet it’s politically not right to portray what those nerves impulses were sending to your brain. Hate the rationalization process within, the dilemma of knowing what ought to be done versus the response that will soothes your being.

Take for example an episode @ a friend’s a wedding dinner. Being seated in close proximity of a group (especially one or two) I wish to avoid, I purposefully avoided the glance /contact / or whatsoever. And I guessed I even “wayang-ed” a bit to portray that “Hey, FIY, I’m not just surviving, I’m doing well or even better…” Frankly, maybe those didn’t even notice.. But it soothes my ego nonetheless.. This is so juvenile.

Wonder how far away is the road to recovery... Doesn't help that the those who serve as a reminder of THAT, or the path of the subject(s) I would wish to avoid, lurk in every nooks & turns every weekend..

I wish for a change... I'm glad where I am now.. At least, it seems more genuine now.. :) I truly enjoy the depth of the conversations, the depth of the establishing friendship.. I guessed I could have contribute more, but once bitten, twice shy...

Saturday, 25 October 2008

missed...

I learned a shocking surprising piece of news earlier... I wonder if it's my over*imaginative mind.. BUT putting the pieces of puzzling puzzles (like the <3 thingy, the call (out of the blue) check on the cloud movement?) together... I get the picture.. Sorta.. I just wonder if it's a case of mis-timing.. Was rather distracted cuz this sorta plagued my thoughts while I was catching the show (I was dying to watch cuz of BRAD pitt ... incidentally, he died.. i meant the character that he portrayed....)

Frankly, similar to a certain extent yet contrasting at the same time...  Sigh!  flashback of memories when i was walking home.. (the happy, warring, angry, sad...) replayed vividly.. Drama-rama... stubborn-streak:  once positively associated senses to something/one.. the feeling is hard to erase of. 

  Christmas is coming, cranberry is the fruit of the christmas season..(The Bodyshop always uses this fruit in its festive range...) the revive of the festive fruit.. Sigh.. "parabatic" again.. Oh yes.. is it too late? wrong timing?.. can turn back the time? but God is never late..but always on time.. Sigh.. wait.. patiently wait..

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Blasted...

Not exactly how I want the day to be, but nonetheless, it was a freaking day.

Blasted.. Stop being flippant!

Doesn't help that the internal OS is now prepping itself for that monthly event.. approach with caution these few days.. beware!

Monday, 20 October 2008

The message from water...

Yup, environmental surroundings can affect the type of the crystals that will form in the water should it be brought to the crystallization temperature. Is this pure science or is there something more??

water feels

I heard you..

I was totally surprised when I heard this during the new worship song during service yesterday..  Slightly before the commencement of the pnw, a well-intentioned-one asked me if anything was bothering me and if so, don't . Cuz it is affecting the atmosphere... Harlows, how sweet of you to just ask me to stop and drag the presence. You could be more encouraging than to just say it out point-blank. Anyway, cushion your words please.. (note: its the pre- season now.. anything and everything counts towards the blast factor!

Anyway, that aside, it was an awesome time.. And the last minute penciled-eyeliner is Not water-resistant!  (from dunno what brand, but apparently the eye-makeup is not as Smokey enough hence the necessity of that around my eye.. oh well, i will use my gel one next week... ) cuz it was semi-wiped-out by end of pnw.. (cuz of au  natural "rain"..) and by the end of the service.. it was gone! (leaving the 'panda-eye' stains..)

the teary one-liner was like a prelude to what pastor shared during the service.. Wow!

The airport scene re-enacted again twice (in my head) in the service.. When.. when??

Friday, 17 October 2008

happy days...

What will never fail to make me happy... as an agent that injects into the economy (in the circular flow of income).. If my recollection of A-Level economics hasn't fail me.. [By His grace, i managed to get am A for that subject inspite getting an big fat E for my prelims.. perhaps that's God's birthday present for me.. cuz I'd my paper 3 (the essay paper) on my birthday!!! And i arrived JUST on the dot when the exam commenced!] Cuz consumer spending is one form of injection that will aid in a more robust economy.. Oh well.. it sounds a noble reason to be spending in times of tightening..

Having no proper [dressy] footwear to match the dress for both the matrimony & wedding dinner that I would be attending tomorrow.. [it's my cgl's big Day!], decided to popped by Vivo after lunch (cuz the display @ heatwave @ harbourfront doesn't catch my attention). Not trying to justify the latest acquistion, but my favourite pair of boots died on me after it appeared on stage the last time... (its heel cracked..part of the plastic heel was missing!! Oh well.. it's dirt cheap - only NT199 bought @ shilin.. in '06 but it's ultra comfy and looks exp! very suede like cloth material!) Having that said, my lovely glitzy wedges from heatwave also cried out for retirement after heavy duty usage for past 10 months... (fully depreciated..) In short, i need shoes..

Saw a lovely pair @ Aldo.. but was not prepared to part with that amount... Popped by Topshop - there was a sale going on.. but :( can't find anything to my fancy.. River Island.. I like.. :) one of my fave labels [i absolutely heart their tees and lovely skirts.. :) ] Spotted a pair that resembled the Aldo one - Saw the pair in white/ black @ nett price of $149 - slightly more pricey than Aldo's (similar to my topshop flatties).. Almost wanted to head back to Aldo to get that pair but spotted the exact same design in black.. :) Sweet! And it's only $60! :) happy find!!

Typical singaporean nature in me decided to top my purchase so that I could get a stamp on the reward card ( completion of that card before end 2008 will earn me $50 voucher!) .. Being out of the house only after the sun rises [due to the seasonal change, and fact that I stayed in the eastern part, the sun rises before I do (should i be not heading to the gym in the morning).. hence it's a glaring walk from my block to the bus-stop]..

and hence, i bought this lovely pair of shades... - much cheaper than the prada pair that i saw the other day.. :) Sweet!!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Understood..

It was in the midst of the new song that we learnt during prac that I realised the cause of my frustration.... Sigh.. dislike the process of getting out.. pure shiok pain...but running away would just make me more frustrated... hence, "retirement/ reclusion" is not a solution.

And the new song that we learnt today was one that sparked many thoughts within... While listening to the recording on my way home, trying hard to hold back the tears... I don't understand, why can't I see the way You see me... very loved indeed....

And in the midst of the financial meltdown.. I know that the amount for the coming A&B is do-able.. (in the manner that my puny human brain think that it would be a miracle how the sum will come abt - to put a halt to the deficits..)

Speaking of meltdown.. I pray that the emotional meltdown will cease soon...

Felt very ministered by Isaiah 61 on my train ride home...:)

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

Explantion of God

A forwarded message from a colleague @ work ...

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton,who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'[ ... and he had such an assignment, in California,and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen !]

EXPLANATION OF GOD:
'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist,you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'

'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

----------

Wish that the time machine can turn back the clock 20 years back? Sigh.. never have the privilege to attend Sunday school.. i.e. but nah, never an athetist..

Child-like ... It's blessed to be a child..  not be *tainted* by the thoughts & cares of this world ... but reality of fact.. one can never remain stet @ one phase forever.. yet one aspect we ought to retain.. the child-like faith ...

Why do i believe? Evolution and the big bang theory are too far-stretched for me ( oh yeah, was technically a science student until uni) ... :) I just know that there is God.. :)

tired...

: of the nagging thoughts...
:: of the excess baggages (literally & metaphorically & geographically - within the 4 walls of my room)
::: of being stuck..
:::: of travelling in public transport to get around...
::::: of the lacklustre routine...
:::::: of being 独り...
::::::: of the emo-ness...

それは変更の時間である!
(disclaimer: translated by yahoo!babel fish: in case it sounds grammatically wrong.. Had been a decade since my LJ81 in ntu... )Taking one step at a time...

the cUre?
: filter the -ve... and pray...
:: working out... clearing the captivity within my head, my heart, my room .. putting order back...[getting a place of my own would be great!]
::: if :: work out.. this shall help...
:::: getting my licence? or finding one who will be willing to drive me ard.. :) [not a requirement but good to have...]
::::: learning a new skill? [taking vocal now.. alrite so far... :)] sky diving? ...i will scream my lungs out.. (and burn a huge hole in my pocket...) maybe the aqua equivalent would be easier.. but i can't breathe in water...perhaps.. learning to coordinate breathing while executing strokes in water..
:::::: JET AWAY FROM the sunny island... (temporal? permanent?)
::::::: settle ::: and this should cease...

T_T" a very random post.. man.. i think I'm having logos-diarrhea!

flopped ...

gotta cruxify the flesh... sigh.. no wonder that came up yesterday... i repent...

Monday, 13 October 2008

reJoice

Within the four walls, you feel protected, you felt the protection from the storms/ terrors from without. Nothing seemed to be able to put you down.

Upon exit, the contrast set in. We know a lot, yet reality of the matters (reality defined as what we perceive with our five senses - yet a contrast opposite from the reality we set our faith in - which indeed is a paradox cuz that's what we believed in.) is that the feel-good-feeling was attacked by the non-invasive invasive thoughts that seeped in (subconsciously)... Sigh.. Adam, why did you fall? Sigh.. the perils of the fallen man, to be susceptible to the attacks of the unseen force (hmmm this sound so star-wars... "may the force be with you...") Dilemma.. Or simply the faith level is still at the low-low spectrum?

Simply put it.. I feel like I'm in retirement despite of the many good years I still ought to have ahead of me.. The colourful (and exciting) picture painted in the canvas within seemed like a distant cry of what the human mind can conceived.. the red-side declared that it's just a good-wishful thinking... the pristine-white side tries to reassure the fickle human mind that it's indeed the blueprint that has been set in even I was conceived..

It has been a warring 2008. Felt like a POW .... what has happened has surely diminished the strong flame that was burning on strong a couple of years back ... Not blaming the one that ought to have help but failed to (who perhaps did prayed for me and perhaps think that I will get out the way I get myself in by myself.. which then I ask, are you fulfilling the assigned "JD" that was required of your title.. Or did I expect too much of you?)

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

I need to upheave the dirt & grime, blood & tears that have buried the mustard seed... the mustard seed faith ...

meanwhile.. I sing, I dance, I rejoice...
Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

Sunday, 12 October 2008

dig.. the verb? or the slang?

the more that I dig.. the more that I dig.. why?? Shouldn't have ask so much, but it came naturally as part of a conversation that started with what I was intending to do later... surprise.. there's so much more to brawn ... and it's all towards adding instead of subtracting.. the chinese have a saying.. 文武双全 .. 

And revelation.. there is a 12-string guitar.. revelation, thought he was "smoking" me at first.. but nope.. there's really such an instrument.. and i should think the acoustic should be great.. :)

Friday, 10 October 2008

It's not up to me?

A couple of my members lamented that they missed sat expo service cuz they felt that the God's presence is much more tangible in S2 compared to S4.  And asked why S4's atmosphere not as good as before... .. Even when I encouraged them that they can be the one who help make the difference.. that pulls down God's presence.. They were silent.. And one even replied.. "全靠你了, choir 的嘛". I was surprised.. Sigh. Take ownership of where you are placed.. And everyone plays a part.. Not just the stage ministry.. not just pastor who is preaching.. but it's the people... No one is too insignificant.. :) and don't short change one another yah? That being said, I've faith that the situation will improve wo..

And last nite, we were sorta grouped into "lifestyle groups". Frankly, I can fall into anyplace but I guess right now it's outdoor fun for me.. and sad woah, the counter partner in my grp (only her, cgl & me) doesn't seemed very confident that the group can grow woah... Hmm but i've faith still.. :)

Think I felt better after the yummy fish soup for lunch.. not so emo.. bumped into slyvia @ kopitaim (haven't seen her in choir for long.. she's now working in cannon.. haha . same building woa...) woo.. her first reaction was "哇!你瘦了!" haha.. that makes my day... :) (I guess every lady would too!)

Was reminded by buttercup that the run is approaching... hmmm hence.. aiming to hit at least 9k in 60min later.. (which is something attainable... !)

the thousAnd and one thoughts lingering in my mind..

Many thoughts ran through my head since the last time I posted anything.. Some are deemed too personal .. some are deemed too wild.. some are just plain crazy...

Had my 1st vocal lesson together with jolene on Monday... nOpe, not the personal one to one session, but the size of my class was alright.. approximately 10.. 老师 (I realised that vocal coaches like to address themselves as" XX老师")is one of the old-era 新谣composer/singer.. Hmm, I guess after the 20 lessons.. I should improve ba... don't have the sufficient funds to sca yet.. 2 areas I wanna pursue in : vocals and visual arts.. yep yep.. Painting/ drawing... (If that's what He showed me.. Twice! Though it's a hard for me to digest.. ) Oooh.. Artist-in-the-making.. ~ I don't have the typical accountant look anyway.. even though am trained & "vocation-ed" as one.. *faint*

Many thoughts that ran through my head.. and the haunting & daunting thoughts of the rise & falls.... dislike the phrase "心有余而力不足". The more biblical translation "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"... - in plain simple language = not willing..

Am I unwilling or simply dare not think or ask anymore? Or have I became myopic in the things of the unseen? Did I take on a refugee mindset and sought refuge when the toes barely touches the fire..? Would I have survive the "ordeal" if I remained & emerge victorious? Did I made the right decision then? I don't know... I seemed to taken on a running-stance towards certain situations..

Yet.. Rom 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

and I dislike waiting.. A patient learning to be patient... Ironical? God has a good sense of humour..

With regards to what's raging within…
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"
Matthew 7:7-11
And.. if that had not hit the nail..
"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. "
1John 5:14-15
More of You and less of me…

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

"Duathlon"

I think I'm either out of sorts or I have too much energy to spare... I think was almost doing a "duathlon" today.. (alright with a couple of hours of rest in between!) yep.. I ran 6km and cycled two+ hours (and only ate a grilled chicken bun happy meal in between to fuel that...)

Only two months left to Dec... decided to hit the gym before meeting the rest @ east coast... Did a 6K on the treadmill.. and meddled with some of the machines.. (which was a silly idea to work my lower limbs - but didn't expect to cycle like 2+ hours...) I was really impressed by this cauasian guy with a prosthetic hand that he was still working out on his upper body @ intensity that would shame many of the able-bodied chaps around - I didn't realised that he was using a prosthetic limb cuz only saw his side profile.. until he was using the machine opposite me..

The cycling thingy was fun at first.. until we cycled to & fro from the area towards changi beach back to PA to mee summer.. haha -- think my over-worked legs silently staged rebel on the way back.. and i took like eternity.. But it was a good session.. :) got to know a couple of great gals better... like weiling & yajing.. :)

I relished the solitude moments spent on the way back.. Sigh, maybe be it's 近朱者赤,近墨者黑. haha I think I somehow caught this hermit feel from ... But i like the peace to think... to ponder... And.. Oh yes.. I really dislike the crowded parts of east coast park until we cycled past towards Changi beach area.. It was like being transported to another place that's so not Singapore...

 
Picturesque! (and caught summer's back view too!!)

 
see the purple "lalang" summer's  holding... Pretty! Tsk, I should have pulled my tee a bit.. :(  My hair so unglam!!

 
the purple lalang.. :) I like

 
I love this bright yellow my lemonhead tee! (Thank goodness that manger is now at novena, else it's over my dead body to wear that to gym! - and that e like to tease me on this.. sigh.. shouldn't tell him when it happen.. but then, i won't know so much more.. ) Oh yeah, i took this after dolling myself up and in the toilet.. Couldn't be doing it in the changing room wo..
On another note, it's has been 3 months since i started to maximize the full use of my gym membership.. and yep, enlisting myself back to the empire.. results not too bad so far.. has snipped off 4 off the scales and keeping that off.. :) Sad.. some of my pants/skirts are now in a state of tug and goes southwards.. I can go shopping during Christmas.. hehe.. :)

msn nick

Being emo.. - i think it's the hormones... one of my msn contact pop a msg .. to ask abt my nick.. wonder if I'm alright... sweet rite but puzzling.. this the second time he'd done that.. but haha that was a beri short chat (and non-engaging) ... considering the lengthly one I'd with JY (i think she's zzzz oredi) & estelle... until she logged off moments ago...

wrong hook.... T_T"

bait went on the right hook momentarily but not cuz of the bait.....

I'm speaking in parables.. tired "young" man.. haha.. :)

Acquired taste...

I was flabbergasted by what stelle told me... .. but I'll definitely not conform to another's style simply because it has the stamp of approval (twice) (but not from the style guru)[not that i need to ....] ... perhaps it was consensus of the audible voters... (or so i heard) - Anyway, if those extra pounds are shed.. woo.. i can dress better.. :) (shall hit the track later again...)

nah... it may be deemed as the best of the day.. but I'm not keen for a 881-look...

Alright, call it the "a-tas" nature... but I prefer sophisicated-chic than 881-style .. Oh well.. (alrite, i'm acting snooty here... but for me.. classy presides over over-the-top-loud. P.s the 881 show is very adpt for the ge-tai style.. not party wear and certainly- not your daily staples... So kudos to the stylist/ wardrobe for 881  for the colorful/ vibrant/ creative costume!!)

I can imagine the hall to be "ee-ha-ing" this weekend... or the next... why? cow-boy-footwear...

Creative..要在时代的尖端 but must be relevant.... It's never a one style fits all..  else, we should all wear uniforms...

and cosplay outfit is best left at anime shows...

Marilyn manson's style is distinct but definitely an acquired taste... and defintely not mine.. and yes, amy winehouse too...  tattoos any one??

Enough said... What's important is that how you dress does glorify God! :)

crazy .....

I know this is juvenille... but that has just bring a smile to my face... yep, i know.. get real yee... it's nothing much really...

looking forward to ...

yup, i'm in lalaland...

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Ponder.. i Ponder...

Why would some just post pictures on the web for no particular reason? I mean, if the photos do flatter you.. by all means.. but if the pictures do disservice to the subject, hey spare a thought for others alrite?

Cuz, was rather shocked to see the notifications in facebook that a contact of mine recently added some random pictures taken over different periods (over the years). Man, some of the pictures showed not so glorious moments of some.. which also brought to mind some rather (distasteful) "arty" pictures found in albums of some contacts. Alright, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.. I guessed that was the image that they wanna portray to those curious eyes who wanna know more about them..

Is this act typical of a narcissist?
Am i guilty of that? I hope not.. Alright to a certain extent, perhaps.. (else why i bother to post on the www?) Or rather.. it's more a way to share my thoughts to whoever reading... HAHA.. perhaps, will serve as a memoirs should i be called Home suddenly..(gee morbid thought! but nah, won't go before my time though...) haha..

Pictures wise.. I won't be that silly to just post online... Any man on the street would certainly prefer to see himself in GOOD light rather than bad.. hmmm well, God made each of us differently .. so some are more unique than others... for me.. I won't.. HAHA..

e just changed his contact pic to a homer-lookalike.. HAha actually it does resembles him.. LOL.. I think I'll get clobbered if i tell that straight into his face..

Draw the line... Shall refrain "suaning" (the innocent bickering can be...).. that's a dangerous ground to tread upon... if only...

Monday, 29 September 2008

*faint*

Literally.. & metaphorically..

the metaphoric "faint"
Those who have ears, let them hear.. I guess some people just lack the basic courtesy or respect for others.. Two incidents that "inspired" this post ..

Firstly, the watered-down rebuke to the s4 peeps - seriously, the number of peeps strolling in & out of service is on the rise... (which I totally agreed to!!)

Then after service, pastor Ck met up with all om & above members - a further elaboration of the lack of discipline portrayed (Kudos to that); the art (or rather, the lack of which) of dressing..  And while pastor was addressing us, I was totally appalled at the actions of one sister. I know that it has been a long day .. and probably the digestive system was appealing for food to be inputted into your system, but would you be  eating or chomping away while perhaps, a VVIP like, MM Lee or your CEO, is giving a speech? ( I think his security guards will get you out at the first instant?) Especially if you are standing right in front of the speaker and dressed rather prominently? Yet, this prettily-adorned gal was savouring away at her snicker bar (or some chocolate bar) - while pastor CK was talking.. (*faint*). And nope, it was not eating discreetly - BUT happily munching away (as if you were watching a movie in the theatre?) And yep, this lasted for about a few minutes.. i.e. she savoured the whole chocolate bar while pastor was talking... and i guesssed she was thirsty after that whole bar of choc went down her throat, she took out her bottle of water and drank.. Man, this was after Pastor Kong addressed on the lack of discipline and while pastor CK was re-addressing this issue.. And mind you, she ain't a newbie (think she should be MM?) wo (newbie in the zone though).. I was totally disgusted at this.. But i guessed, she think it's totally alright to do that.. else she won't be doing it in FULL view of pastor.. (perhaps that was what caught pastor's attention, cuz she was singled out as an example of a "well-dressed" individual towards the end.. ). Sigh, if I was close enough to her.. I would definitely ask her to consume that bar after that wo.. (Yup, I know this person personally..but nah, not in my cg! Even the peeps in my cg was shocked by her actions!) Sigh, can't you wait for a couple of minutes? Is that how you treat the leader that God has placed over your life. I'm not being legalistic, just thought that it's a form of basic courtesy & form of respect towards others.. irrespective to whoever is talking, you should give the person attention.. And certainly you should honour the leaders that God has placed over your life..

the literal "faint"
Perhaps it was due to the lack of blood... haha.. I saw glittery stars on my way home.. .Perhaps that was why my palms were cold.. Lights dimmed (internally) and stars glittering while i was waiting for an empty cubicle in the ladies @ Eunos mrt (cuz by that time I could not withstand the churning pains within.. and alighted at Eunos). fortunately, it was a rather clean toilet... Guessed blood flow resumed back to my head after lowering my head for a while.. Nah, I'm not anaemic but prolly it was after 8 hours since brekfast before the ban-mien gan i ate and that it was the heavy flow day.. Made it back home safely in a cab after clearing the stars in my head..

Caught the F1 race on TV after zzzz for half an hour.. (felt much better after that nap).. Was wowed by the race wo.. :) maybe I may want to catch the race live next year?

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Elmo ..

Was supposed to be shopping with mandy this sat noon after my gym session BUT cuz has long postponed meeting up with dear estelle for so long, I gotta take a raincheck on that (hope she ain't offended.. cuz forgot to tell her until she texted me this morning.. so sorry gal..

but was glad to meet up with estelle.. :)

It was a mini-feast for moi.. ( worry abt the foodlog later.. ops! sorry e that i was 'bad' despite promising not to.. tsktsk.. ) yummy shepherd pie @ coffeeclub (and the banana butterscotch latte was a tad too sweet but it was not too bad..).. Adjourned to riverisland after the late lunch...

River island was having sale.. was :( that the white skirt that I bought a month ago was slashed by $40.. (Oh well.. still at least I got a new piece.. and my size.. Speaking of skirt.. I think the fox denim skirt I was wearing today had to be binned.. Cuz it was worn without a belt today and it was too loose for me that by the end of the day.. I've to hold it up with my hand else, it will slip down my  hips.. )

And the sound of the F1 trial race was very audible even when we were @ the entrance of raffles city.. which prompted us to get onto the road.. and "hear" the race... Caught a glimpse of the race cars zooming by through the slit in btw the boards put up.. (alrite, not a glimpse, but a flash...)

And had yummy dinner @ NYDC.. Spotted elmo & cookie monster having dinner by themselves.. (Ops.should have snap a pic of that.. ) Was rather "envious" of the group of 6 that got to dine with elmo & cookie.. but I get to rescue elmo after he was "abandoned" by this toddler.. (when she left the restaurant.. YAY!)..

Estelle with her "pigs will fly"



me & "destiny child" (yummy baked rice..)


Yummilicous "band-aid" mudpie!! :)


Elmo: "Help! Someone save me!! (after being shoved aside by this toddler who seemed more interested in her crayons!)"


Elmo in safe hands..( I took him over after the family has left..)

 

 
Elmo: " I'm lifting my hands to worship!!"


Elmo: " Yay! I feel appreciated!


Elmo is happy!!

 

  

EMo Elmo... 

  

Elmo: I wamma go home!!

 
Elmo: "I wanna go shopping!!"

 

Bye Elmo.. I will miss U!!

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Ash-Blond.. and other bimbo talk

It was a good day today.. cuz I pampered myself...
1. a new hair color - ash-blond over the dull brown with reddish hue and bleached highlights..
2. yummy hokkaido lychee ice-cream
3. great time spent with kei then mom
4.a new two-tone pink wrap (cuz my $20 esprit credit is expiring end Sept, and cuz it's pink! And it's definitely not as pricey as some items i laid my eyes on while window-shopping @ topshop yesterday.. and the stila counter at Tangs didn't really hue me [the sales-not-so-happening-ladies manning the counter just sit and forced a smile..so I couldn't be bothered to get anything].. no illuminating powder :(.. but I'm a believer in customer-service ...)

Being tired of my fading bleached highlights and the black roots emerging.. and the brown-a-dulling-locks.. I took half a day leave (out of my precious 5.5 days left - out of 3 reserved for the Asian Conference) and did something to revive it..

Met Kei (cuz she loves my previous color and brought her to my stylist past 6+ years) and we emerged happy gals after the colouring.. :) I missed my old colors (which looks great on kei and i love her bob! - but it's too high-maintenance hairdo for me to keep.. unless i rebond my locks again.. and blow-drying it daily.. ) but i loved the shade that she has suggested (it's a new shade (the synethic hair looks grayish-brown.. it was supposed to be ash-blond- that just came in recently.. and she tried it on a customer and the result was good..).. Having great faith in jeanie, i just okay.. Cuz .. i'm alright with anything, except making my hair in curls - big/loose/temporary/permanet/whatever.. it's NO!! I don't like maggie mee.!! Nope, not the waves as well.. except when the length is long and the wave is hereditary in nature.. aka my natural wave.. *lame*

hmm like the end-result. cuz of the highlights was bleached previously.. the ashly tone turns out natural on them.. I like.. at least now.. it's of a healthy hue of brown.. (not the dull brown black - which looks better only if I blow-dry it..)

YAY! I'm finally meeting estelle tmw.. AFTER many postponing!! :) catch-up catch up!!

We are 4.8 million strong nation!!

Was pretty amazed that Singapore's population is just 0.16 mil short of 5mil! Nope, it's not the instant results of the recent baby bonus boost.. but according the yahoo news article (which quoted source from the Govt stats board) "...The number of non—residents grew by 19 per cent, while the resident population went up by a mere one per cent."Gee.. no wonder the need for the baby boosters..
Some other statistics quoted from the article:

  • Most come from neighbouring Asian countries.
  • There are also more new Permanent Residents (PRs) and citizens. In the first half of this year, 34,800 were granted PRs. That’s up by some 20 per cent from the same period last year.
  • Meanwhile, 9,600 were granted citizenship, up by some 30 per cent, compared to the year before.
  • And nearly seven in 10 new PRs aged 20 and above had post—secondary qualifications.
Moving forward, the Secretariat said integration would be a key challenge..."
Well said.. integration is certainly a challenge.. else why would the proposed idea of building a dormitory to house the influx (alright, may not be that many but still quite a number...)  of foreign workers in Serangoon Gardens create such big hoo-ha?  Personally, I'm glad I don't stay in the semi-atas area.. Hmm guess staying in public housing (aka hdb flats) since day I was brought out of hospital.. used to the multi-racial typesy environment, though I must say.. the "elite-mentality" do prevails at time.. yeah, I'm quasi-atas at times.. Trying to expand the organ that pumps blood.. (i.e. the heart..)  - yep, i repent..

Friday, 26 September 2008

Power of procrastination..

Yep, there are a lot of things oughta be done... but the P-attitude in me just precedes at times.. (most of the time). Ya, I know I'm wasting time (i.e. wasting life)... 

And yep, I oughta stop "nua-ing". Yep, that's what He told me last nite. (but I couldn't be possibly sharing that with the grp though.. so shared the other more edifying/encouraging one..)

Cuz on tues, after choir prac, while on my long journey home to the pasir of Ris.. jimmy texted me...
"..just now when we pray 4 each other, I saw you as a leader who's a blessing to those who're under your care. Time will come when God raise you up. Trust Him & His promises. what you think is impossible is possible for Him, coz He says, yes, you can!"

Frankly, I was half-hearted when I read that.. Guessed that the problem with us instant-generation.. I want something and i want it now... And hope deferred makes the heart sick...

So.. i was reminded of the Hannah who laughed off what God has told her... tsk tsk.. 

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Ivory found her ebony!

Congratulations to dearie iVory!! Yay 50 & seth has an official papa now.. :)

My T70 was roped in to video-cam the whole procedure.. as i was holding it, my voice was captured rather loudly.. haha.. hope that in the event that it's used for the wedding, it will be edited.. Seriously don't know how to edit.. except that I had tried to brighten the very dim lighting...but the view on TV - after adjusting the brightness level on my non-HD non flat screen- old mini -14inch cute lilac sharp Tv- it wasn't too bad...Attempted to do so using the windows movie maker thingy that was in my pc but not of professional standard though.. best to leave it to the professionals.. :)

It was a sweet proposal .(no photos.. cuz i was the video-ing .. charlene took the pix..) Maybe Kai would consider signing up for the talent time showcase in Asian Conference? :)

In the midst of waiting for the two star of the day to appear @ Esplanade roof top. (the sweet couple was enjoying their anniversay dinner and the long slow walk here...) having nothing else to do.. we snapped away at the neon-lights..  Saw part of the F1 track.. guessed if the esplanade roof top is open to public this weekend, it will likely to be crowded with people (who wanna catch a slice of the action without paying a hand and leg for it...)

happie for dearie vOry!! (and so timely that I've dis-engaged myself from the performance/adult choir..else i'll have to be at the prac - but would miss it for vory's sake even if I'd not take myself out... )

wo.. guess this the season to be hitching.. falalala lalala.. as for me, like one of the disney soundtrack goes... someday my prince will come..

the dose of caffeine @ TCC with Kei after the proposal thingy kept me awake till 2plus.. hence no morning jog for me this morning.. Really gotta start the morning rountine again..(phew, good that i didn't sign u for the half-marathon, else left two months oni.. how to train..hehe) - throat was acting weird the whole week.. thank God it didn't went to the "full blown flu mode"..

as for others stuff... perhaps continue another time.. it's that time whereby things peeved me without much effort.. :(

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

A short note...

yep, it's early in the morning.. and yep, I'm pretty awake still..[ though eyes are tired].. Sigh.. had been spending on cab for past three days.. :( cuz ya, racing against time.. (sat cuz call time was 1pm and I knocked off at 1230; sunday cuz I woke up at 8+ and call time is 10!, a few hours ago cuz I wanna get home asap after the meeting ended and thank God the cab uncle who made an turn from the carpark opp Church stopped diagonally at the yellowbox and let me boarded his cab - else not too sure how long it will take to hail a cab - cuz we were sitting at the creche area and ya, no one to meet ma.. cuz we (the choir peeps) were there cuz ya "creative ministry" members...)

And all i gotta say is... Wow!
Key to growth:: simplicity. and believe..

With regards to dressing: woo at least I'm not that off.. :) and i certainly don't look older than my age.. *yay* (unless i dress slopply loh.. mayb can pass off ). Like one of the BV who said this, we ought to dress in the manner that glorify God. (cuz we are His temple!) And God sees us 24/7, hence we oughta dress up on stage/ off stage.. (couldn't agree less more [thanks to "ast" who pointed out one grave error! i must be half awake while posting.. :o)

And somewhere in the middle of the video - was reminded of the pureness in heart yee once possessed while she was in the same land/ same ground/ same church premise (when she was there and why she was there...). (held back... ) but ya, God sees.. and knows all things.. Hmmm still not all's lost.. :)

Met jo @ tanjong pagar (prior to the "creative" special meeting) and paid 2 mth deposit for lessons to develop the gift that God has placed in me.. (heart pained..Can't afford to go aussie so this is a cheaper alternative... for the moment.. :) ) Should be worthwhile ba. And ya, that guy misspelt my surname [whom oso cannot pronouce my name... :(]  if not, still can get the chance to fellowship with her more.. :)

Sprucing up spirit (in process of) , body (in process of..) , soul (waiting...). :).
Felt previlleged to attend the meeting tonite wo..  time to zzzzzz shall continue when oppty arise!