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Friday 30 June 2006

home sweet home soon..

ya.. decided to leave now.. :) my office is now empty! :) don't want to stay late next week so ya.. decided to OT (nah no monetary nor leave in lieu) tonight.. (at least i have reduced the stuff to be done by 75%!!)

sayonara!

Friday nite.. stuck in the office..

ya.. it's 8+.. am still in the office..
1. trying to finish my work..
2. trying to finish other's work..
3. trying to fix makeup cg for just one member.. (thank God he can go himself..)

and.. ya would just stop here now.. hope to leave this place by 830pm! (oh no .. season premier of Charmed is at 2030!) Gotta give it a miss then..

eugene.. would really love to join u guys for dinner.. just that your jie really tied up... will definitely make it on sun.. cuz i promised...

okie. back to work!

the different refreshing thurs night..

yup.. cell group meeting should always be different and refreshing.. last night.. brother Steven came to lead our cg.. it was different and totally flowing with the Spirit.. yay! cg meeting should always be refreshing.. cuz God is a creative God and God like new things!!

And despite the fact of moi's nOt that good vocal quality.. the room was filled with His presence.. (though praise ended rather abruptly cuz my guitarist misread my signaling.. and the room of 20 people overpowered my not that loud voice..) .. lesson learnt.. it's not the skill but it's the heart.. God will draw near if you want Him to... well.. after it's not me.. but am just the vessel..

yet.. i could still work on my vocal though...

buttercup.. thanks for working ur bubble OT to accomodate us at the last minute! keke..

it's really a privilege to work with different cgls.. and always learnt a lot from the different cgls that came over to lead my cg! And not just the experience.. but catching the spirit from the cgls.. Am really so blessed by the help and guidance from them!

Capacity to be enlarge in many aspect.. It is equally stretching at work too

surprise surprise.. just received a notification of performance bonus for Jan to Mar 06. (cuz orgn shifting the appraisal cycle from calender year end to Financial year end.. ) keke.. last nite brother steven was sharing on how he asked God for his $1000 for the taiwan emerge .. (not that i didn't, just that i didn't ask in specific amount.. but I know He will provide.. cuz am rather down to the rock bottom oredi.. )but God is good! Even though the $ will only be credited next mth.. am gonna get like a month of bonus subj to CPF (the o.5 recommended by the gOvt, the addtional 220 & my prorated (cuz only 0.25 of 2006 performance bonus...) yay trip expenses covered (though like a "reimbursed basis"..) and goes to clearing some of the bills.. and ya.. my long defunct fund for SOT! (definitely before i hit 30!)am expecting massive phonebills this month.. to be doubled..think i'll qualify for the red rewards program (whereby if ur bill exceeds $100 consecutively for 6 mths, u are 'enrolled' into this program)for Singtel again.. Should i get a third line? maybe from starhub so i will have a line from each telco.. but i don't want a third phone.. na..

Enlarge my tents!! I need to and will! It can be done!!!!!!!

Thursday 29 June 2006

flexible and pliable... multi-tasking

hmmm... imagine many things happening the same time.. and your handphones are both low on power and you need to settle the things asap.. and risk rousing the "irritation" of those involved.. and mnay others... And when you thought that things are settled.. another phonecall came.. man.. it was not a long conversation.. but i realised something..when things are meant to be said.. you have to say it.. especially if the person is asking is your spiritual leader.. And true enough.. the not so good vibes i got regarding certain individuals are confirmed.. (so it's not me.. but rather Holy Spirit helping me to discern..).. And the task i was given.. I gladly accepted.. (though am now extra cautious abt my hp.. cuz some calls gotta be picked up asap.. haha.. now i know what adrian meant that he used to even take his hp into the shower!)

am still in the state of s&s.. stretched and shocked.. yet.. not really shcoked.. cuz in fact.. was sorta prepared le... seemed that the flesh can't really run away from facing the challenge the third time.. but am sure that it will be strong presence.. God, I know you will show up tonight.. Let those who haven't experience u for a long time.. be touched by you.. [at least it's not the Word yet.. but never been thru the home cell leader class.. so.. still can buy some time... but look forward to that day though..] really need to grow n leaps and bounds!!

yet now.. i still need to finish what i've asap cuz going to taipei in less than 2 weeks.. and things are still not in order.. workwise/ cg wise.. God i need your wisdom...

Wednesday 28 June 2006

be faithful in the little

given a choice.. would u be rather take the extra mile or just do what's convenient?

Even when the easier option is not given, man would choose rather to take the easier option.. Words are.. hmm..
Well.. wOrd of GOd says " to be doer and not hearer of words..". Some can proclaim that they want to do (a).. (b).. (c).. for God...and yet when a simple question is posted.. u chose the easier route *which is not a given option*.. which is the more convenient one..

time and time again, the same subject has proven to me that mark of maturity is not in the no. of years of "experience & knowledge".. indeed it's in the heart.. the willingness to contribute.. to stand in the gap.. truly.. the smallest gestures do make a difference!! If your heart is open to His Voice.. you may be inadequate in certain areas.. you can do mighty works for Him cuz He will empower you in the area that you lack..

Really sad to see more "Martha"s than "Mary"s ard.. really, the longer you are walking with Christ.. the more pliable your heart should be.. don't let your heart grow cold and think you have know it all and that it's ok to let the flesh have its will.. If you're not careful, the complacent spirit will creep in slowly and gain dominion over your life without you knowing it! The longer you walk with God, the closer/ more initimate the relationship should be... don't let your spiritual ears be dull! Open your ears and listen.. Lift up your eyes and see... not thru' your sight.. by His... :)

big.. bigger... biggest...

What's your wildest dream... think abt it.. overwhelmed? Well.. the truth is.. God's will for us is much bigger than our wildest dream!

until this evening.. I wasn't sure of what I was doing.. Why I was doing... YET..now I'm convicted/ convinced of what my dear Heavenly Father wants me to do.. and indeed.. it's not really that scary... cuz not only did He sent the Helper.. but also thru the men and women of God ard me... It is not difficult.. really it is not..

God spoke to me about various things this evening during the meeting.. Indeed the thought/ desire in me that has been unfulfilled since 2002 is certainly not born by the flesh.. Indeed.. that will come to pass in due time.. I should just for for it.. and submit the form and go thru' the interview this time without backing out at the last minute! [ya.. that's the ONE biggest regret yet.. looking back.. the timing ain't right then...]
second thing .. leading His people.. not just one grp.. not a static group.. but growing one.. by year end..and in 3 years ... much much more.......
Yet.. I know His will for me is way way bigger... Plug in and Move..

Heart almost came out when Pastor asked me if I'm ready to lead the Word this week.. since my cgl not ard... I was like.. huh??? eh.. I've not been to the hcgl class yet leh... and... my response? "really?.. eh..." (speechless) I know that he wants to see me rise up even more and at an accelerated rate... and much much more... hmm I want to be able to say a FIRM "yes", the next time round... still bro alvin wants me to prepare... just in case... :)

read in ming's post last fri "Do you realise the only thing holding you back is yourself?" how true... indeed... the only reason that I was in this plateau for past couple of years was myself... It's time SOAR... this is the time of consecration...

hmmm all in all.. am really thankful to the many ard me who always encourages me.. some of the cgls cgls in the zone .. ..eugene n xinlian my suPpOrtive members..rachel thanks girlie... be mightly impacted by the hillsong conference too! Lennie.. thanks sharing and your words of encouragement... :) ya.. let's strive on for the next level inspite of it all.. Jia you!

Sunday 25 June 2006

dropped the bomb!

ya.. finally told my mom that i'll be going to the taiwan emerge.. not an easy task cuz.. her birthday falls within that period! (ya.. hence the delay...) obviously she is not too thrilled.. she gave me the semi-cold shoulder after the bomb was dropped (told her during dinner time.. afterall it's only 2 weeks away.. it's now or too late...)

nevertheless, felt an innerpeace that she would simmer soon.. well.. she just passed me a plate of fruits..so guess the anger has subsided Praise the Lord! :)

Mission trip.. my brother challenged me.. why on earth am i going to the developed areas for mission work.. Mission work in his eyes is going to "rural/ ulu places to build school and share the Gospel". He felt that only in the undeveloped countries that they have yet heard of Christ.. As for developed nations, it is the responsibilities of the Christians in that nation to do the task... Explained why we are going to help in their youth conference.. He found it weird.. cuz (it didn't conform to his belief of MISSION work.. why are we helping the saved.. despite explaining why we are going there... to impart to them.. and in turn they can bring revival to their campuses....)

Urgh!! the old conservative paradigm..

Nonetheless, i've told my mom.. ANd yes... I'm going in 2 weeks time.. YET.. there are many things to be done prior to that.. else i won't b able to go in peace (cuz both peilong and i won't be ard.. and adrian has went off to sis lingying side.. ).. Still i know it would be good.. :)

zoo trip.. service.. and the aftermath

hmmm.. it has been half a year since i had last went to the zoo.. it was a different experience.. and i was surprised that despite not being assigned any child (cuz i was late, hence went directly to the zoo.. ended up being very early..) one girl approached me to be her "jiejie" and another girl came up too.. (was in fact intimidated by kids initially cuz hmmm not sure whether i can handle them or not..) it was a fun trip .. one of the gal.. shixun really opened up to me after a while (after i talked to her in mandarin instead...) and she can really talk!

departed to church directly after the outing.. met up with lian.. (there will be much to be done..)...service...(many thoughts.. let me prayed them out first..).. mini-debrief.. went makeup cell with kedy n lian... despite being a make-up cg of different cgs.. & rather cramped.. the atmosphere was great.. and God reminded me of the incident how the two girls approached me without me approaching them to guide them.. that indeed i need not fret abt not able to provide guidance or no one will be following .. cuz He will empower me! Was rather surprised that lian said that there was anointing in the debrief.. she felt different standing next to me during debriefing.. hmmm.. :)

Lennie.. thanks for your encouragement.. hmmm didn't know that you actually read my blog! :) Yup.. will keep on keeping on! :)

Friday 23 June 2006

greater... beyond what my mind...

was kinda jittery last night.. simply 'cuz lack of preparation.. and ya.. confidence.. i.e. I need greater measure of faith.. I need to get out of the mindset that other's opinions are more impt than how God sees me...

for the past few weeks when Brother Ryan in on the entensively long period of absence .. i guess I'm constantly bugged by the fact that there are those ard who doesn't really feel that I should be the one... (cuz ya.. there are guys who are more "senior" than me ard.. and ya.. the flesh would challenge.. why her.. not them? or not me..)

Yet, it boiled down to ONE key reason.. Am i sure of my calling? and yes.. it is God and God who has called me.. if it is not according to the will of God, I will not be called to do the things I'm currently doing..

Indeed, I'm more of the reserved nature.. yet again, I've been born again.. and yes.. the old me is not what God wants me to be be.. and not what He has intended.. if only i would stretch out and look up..

Yeah, i know i didn't do so well last nite for pnw.. it was kinda bad that bro Justin has to come to the rescue.. cuz ya.. i was kinda intimidated.. (Thank GOd that it was not pastor who came down.. else i think I would be more stressed out!) Was actually kinda intimidated by Brother Justin before last nite, but then again.. mayb cuz I don't know him ba.. but really thankful for the word of encouragement that he gave me after the cg.
God showed me a glimpse of what I could do by end of the year if only i could break off from the old paradigm. And ya, during ministry time.. it was further confirmecd when brother justin prayed for me..

i need to look beyond myself.. it's not me.. but Him..

Wednesday 21 June 2006

all of me... for all of You

indeed... that's my deepest desire ...

past few weeks hasn't been plain sailing.. which explains the one-liner post...

don't feel like continuing any further ...

Friday 16 June 2006

taken fOr...

...

心有余而力不足。。

Wednesday 14 June 2006

less is more.. more is less..

can't cuz haven't..
haven't cUz didn't..
didn't cuz .. that's why..

if the 'why' is known, do something abt it.
explanation is pointless..

best sound is silence.. the voice in the silence.. is what i seek..

Tuesday 13 June 2006

... ... ... ...

1 Jn 4:18
There is no fear in perfect love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

2 Tim 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

This is a day that God has made... rejoice!

Sunday 11 June 2006

if there's such a word... "bestest"

(don't think so.. bad grammar!)

ya... when bro ryan was sharing abt his friend in aussie- the strength of their relationship.. etc.. guess who came to mind... the pixie galie who is also @ downunder currently... galie.. has been a lot while leh... saw ur msg. miss u too.... i guess gotta wait till year end then will see u rite? wow.. hillsong conference a... exciting... me july oso exciting.. GOing to taiwan emerge!! :) yay!! would love to drop by aussie later this year to see u if budget allow.... (cuz i would still have the travel allowance to claim!! if u let me bunk in.. kekeke....)

ha.. like what the sermon goes.. i realised that my closest friends currently are those who are/was formerly in my cg.. (cuz the pre-chc days closies are mainly non-believers) :) bestest being the pixie one.. whom i guessed who know me the best... ya... there is MAJOR warfare... yet.. it was soon.. thrashed out.. Amen! :) gal.. thank gal 4 being the sponge of my woes/joys (next to Holy Spirit of course..)

and... the bestest brother eugene... :) whom i shall say.. we did have some run-ins .. yet.. haha.. still my bestest bro... thank U for the support and the encouragement!! yay... we all ganbatte together!! :)

so... thank U my dear r8ch and bro eUgene! :)

missing tracks titles..

can't believe that I need to type in the tracks (in chinese..) thought that the iTunes would be able to track... ha.. na.. so decided to inpute and submit the CD track names.. :) o.. btw its sun's new album.. :) ya.. the aunty me bought two cuz entitled to freebie if purchase the two different packaging.. :)

p.s. if u import the title tracks for iTunes and if there's any typo errors.. don't look for me! ahha! :)

Saturday 10 June 2006

it was not me... It's Him!

well.. it did not start off well.. realised that not all have a sense of rythmn! the practice was eugene was good.. but alas.. when the praise started.. [i happily chose destiny n sanctury...cuz cgl wants new song.. :)] the tempo reduced by 50%! (and the key was tooo high for me..) but amazingly.. the worship did kick in.. despite being a new song.. God's presence was there... :) Not me but You!

it was a good day today! cuz i took the day off.. cuz i was really knocked out.. the after effect of emerge ba... yet today was super productive.. churned out another new prdt.. was rather pleased with it.. it looks good.. (despite of the primitive equipment used.. such as - an unpicker to use to poke holes cuz i couldn't find my hole puncher.. .. )

realised that today is the start of the world cup.. hmmm.. am not really into this game... ha.. not surprising? well.. yet, i won't mind watching the match though... haha the germans just scored another goal! now 3-1.

hmmm gotta get back at the project i started this noon.. its due for delivery today... :)

Thursday 8 June 2006

Another Step..

God is a God that answers prayer... hmm... let just say that my prayer was answered by a sms @11pm.. though I was prompted in the Spirit that this is coming... yet.. my response was.. Oh my gosh.. really?? Instantly, I was brought to mind of what Pastor preached in the session one of emerge.. if only i would believe.. I could and would do more..

hmmm...am excited... I think I will do much better than the first try.. somemore.. this time round it is the whole package! hmmm what's that i'm talking abt? well.. if i can do this.. come 13th June shouldn't be a problem! :) somehow.. not as nervous as the first time i did it.. Capacity enlarged... :) esp after emerge!

Monday 5 June 2006

submerged not.. Emerged!

It has been a refreshing four days. It was truly a different experience this year and last year. Dry bones were brought to life! What Pastor Kong spoke in session 1 bore something in me.. If only that I've the faith the believe in what He has told me.. I would have done much more. It was a stretch for me this weekend.. cuz serving 6 services and gotta coordinate the cg.. fortunately, there's robin and thaddeus.. and my fave brother.. eugene.. thanks for being there for me and for bearing with the wIp in me.. like what the song we sang @ the closing of emerge... you're always there during the good times and bad times.. I thank God for having you as my 'brother'!

some of the memorable moments.. up close and personal on stage with SUN!.. catching Junyang and Kelly singing live!! And discovering the hidden talent within the talented.. (guess that only jieyin knows what i meant! >.<)

Was touched by God many times during the various sessions.. esp the finale session.. God's presence was very strong.. (well.. the presence was so tangible that I felt the hair standing to extent of tickish.. though i have to suppress the giggles..it will be soo odd to giggle..) it was a surreal feeling.. cuz after the sharing of the WOrd.. i just felt like.. it was still me and yet not me.. hmm.. eh.. or rather.. the heaviness.. gone.. and it felt really good.. and refreshing..[may seem nonsensical to some.. but.. hmm..]

well.. with God.. all things are possible.. afterall.. whatever I'm doing.. is not just pure serving.... serving not just for title/ position.. but cuz this is what God has called me to do and I'm doing it not just i have to, but i want to cuz I love Him ... so tests and trials will come.. (they seemed to appear in daily dosages.. yet.. they will not get me down!)