the long weekend...

All in all, it had been a long, tiring, but fun weekend.. :)

I almost did not made it to the Henderson wave thingy cuz (a) I was having a bad stuffed nose.. (b) most of my kaki-s not there.. (c) I want to avoid the situation whereby I get stuck in the same team as whom I wish to avoid.  [which nearly came to pass, fortunately, that person was MIA.. close shave.. I guessed I would spin some lame excuse if (c) did came to pass and i would MIA halfway or whatsoever.] If vory did not ring me up during my PT, I would have not turn up.. (cuz it was her birthday!!!)

I guessed that it was not a wasted trip. At least, I get to talk & share a lot with BL throughout the whole walk. :) And the amazing part was that I had accomplished that walk thingy in my not very comfortable (but cutesy) shoes after my upper body training & a 5km run (with the stuffed nose!!) .. [not to mentioned that I was volunteered to film one of the unglam mv of chasing amongst trees...] One pat on the shoulder for moi! And i get to spend a portion of Ivory's birthday with her @ Villa Bali.. after the event with Kai, charlene & joshua..  :) like the place, but not the music.. lovely company though...

And the stayover @ kwang & kei's was fun.. The actual fun begins only after the majority left.. which was after midnite. Was the official "Maria/ Sophia" of the day cuz figured out that eugene would need help since.. .. anyway, reminded me of the good old days when he whipped up yummy food @ his godfather's place @ melville's :) .. Reminiscing of the good times..:)

Did not join the rest of the gals in the "dry swimming dock" cuz Protege was on screen.. despite the fact that all the ladies were in the room.. cuz of the alluring daniel wu! (drools...) And ...we decided to entertain ourselves with monoploy after kwang's suggestion.. I guessed all of us haven't been playing this childhood board game for a really long time. and woo hooo.. we were really noisy and crazy throughout the game (which was what made the game fun!). After i guessed 3 hrs plus of the game.. (with the Jay's 2007 concert playing in the background, perhaps that add to the lively atmosphere too!) the game ended cuz all the $500 had been wiped out.. haha.. by yours truly... though I did not buy the most pricey land wo (only a couple land in the red/yellow/green sections) If only those notes in hand were legal tender.. woo.. I can fulfill the pledge @ one go in the first fruit weekend!!!

And not failing which, the inevitable of "tic-tac-toe" cuz there was a very eligible guy in the house which was Kwang & Kei's friend.. (and I was just gloating over e on sat when he's lamenting of how eager his friends were trying to fix him up @ every gathering/occasion/party cuz he is single..). Thankfully this happened after he left, else it would be akward - and after "being the maria" for the whole nite, I looked totally unglam.. :o my comments: I certainly concurr to the views of the introducer.. not to sure of what comes after... (for the record, e is just my pt, perhaps another brotherly figure...)

.... and for the record, I slept till noon and did not head down to harbourfront on monday - for goodness sake, it's a public holiday, and being in that vincity at least 5 days a week.. on a public hol, that would be the last place I want to be at..

the minute & mundane...

The minute mundane insignificant of which that bores..
Disdain for the predictable routines that my 24-7 revolve around.

Is it me or is the surroundings?

Time to take a break from the bimbo-ic way of life. Looking forward for more, but when will it come?

Perhaps it’s time to wrap the loose ends and move on.
 Move, not run…. Interestingly, I started running (literally) while running (metaphorically). It was particularly awkward to be enclosed within the same four walls with those that you did not wish to face/ encounter. Yet it’s politically not right to portray what those nerves impulses were sending to your brain. Hate the rationalization process within, the dilemma of knowing what ought to be done versus the response that will soothes your being.

Take for example an episode @ a friend’s a wedding dinner. Being seated in close proximity of a group (especially one or two) I wish to avoid, I purposefully avoided the glance /contact / or whatsoever. And I guessed I even “wayang-ed” a bit to portray that “Hey, FIY, I’m not just surviving, I’m doing well or even better…” Frankly, maybe those didn’t even notice.. But it soothes my ego nonetheless.. This is so juvenile.

Wonder how far away is the road to recovery... Doesn't help that the those who serve as a reminder of THAT, or the path of the subject(s) I would wish to avoid, lurk in every nooks & turns every weekend..

I wish for a change... I'm glad where I am now.. At least, it seems more genuine now.. :) I truly enjoy the depth of the conversations, the depth of the establishing friendship.. I guessed I could have contribute more, but once bitten, twice shy...

missed...

I learned a shocking surprising piece of news earlier... I wonder if it's my over*imaginative mind.. BUT putting the pieces of puzzling puzzles (like the <3 thingy, the call (out of the blue) check on the cloud movement?) together... I get the picture.. Sorta.. I just wonder if it's a case of mis-timing.. Was rather distracted cuz this sorta plagued my thoughts while I was catching the show (I was dying to watch cuz of BRAD pitt ... incidentally, he died.. i meant the character that he portrayed....)

Frankly, similar to a certain extent yet contrasting at the same time...  Sigh!  flashback of memories when i was walking home.. (the happy, warring, angry, sad...) replayed vividly.. Drama-rama... stubborn-streak:  once positively associated senses to something/one.. the feeling is hard to erase of. 

  Christmas is coming, cranberry is the fruit of the christmas season..(The Bodyshop always uses this fruit in its festive range...) the revive of the festive fruit.. Sigh.. "parabatic" again.. Oh yes.. is it too late? wrong timing?.. can turn back the time? but God is never late..but always on time.. Sigh.. wait.. patiently wait..

Blasted...

Not exactly how I want the day to be, but nonetheless, it was a freaking day.

Blasted.. Stop being flippant!

Doesn't help that the internal OS is now prepping itself for that monthly event.. approach with caution these few days.. beware!

The message from water...

Yup, environmental surroundings can affect the type of the crystals that will form in the water should it be brought to the crystallization temperature. Is this pure science or is there something more??

water feels

I heard you..

I was totally surprised when I heard this during the new worship song during service yesterday..  Slightly before the commencement of the pnw, a well-intentioned-one asked me if anything was bothering me and if so, don't . Cuz it is affecting the atmosphere... Harlows, how sweet of you to just ask me to stop and drag the presence. You could be more encouraging than to just say it out point-blank. Anyway, cushion your words please.. (note: its the pre- season now.. anything and everything counts towards the blast factor!

Anyway, that aside, it was an awesome time.. And the last minute penciled-eyeliner is Not water-resistant!  (from dunno what brand, but apparently the eye-makeup is not as Smokey enough hence the necessity of that around my eye.. oh well, i will use my gel one next week... ) cuz it was semi-wiped-out by end of pnw.. (cuz of au  natural "rain"..) and by the end of the service.. it was gone! (leaving the 'panda-eye' stains..)

the teary one-liner was like a prelude to what pastor shared during the service.. Wow!

The airport scene re-enacted again twice (in my head) in the service.. When.. when??

happy days...

What will never fail to make me happy... as an agent that injects into the economy (in the circular flow of income).. If my recollection of A-Level economics hasn't fail me.. [By His grace, i managed to get am A for that subject inspite getting an big fat E for my prelims.. perhaps that's God's birthday present for me.. cuz I'd my paper 3 (the essay paper) on my birthday!!! And i arrived JUST on the dot when the exam commenced!] Cuz consumer spending is one form of injection that will aid in a more robust economy.. Oh well.. it sounds a noble reason to be spending in times of tightening..

Having no proper [dressy] footwear to match the dress for both the matrimony & wedding dinner that I would be attending tomorrow.. [it's my cgl's big Day!], decided to popped by Vivo after lunch (cuz the display @ heatwave @ harbourfront doesn't catch my attention). Not trying to justify the latest acquistion, but my favourite pair of boots died on me after it appeared on stage the last time... (its heel cracked..part of the plastic heel was missing!! Oh well.. it's dirt cheap - only NT199 bought @ shilin.. in '06 but it's ultra comfy and looks exp! very suede like cloth material!) Having that said, my lovely glitzy wedges from heatwave also cried out for retirement after heavy duty usage for past 10 months... (fully depreciated..) In short, i need shoes..

Saw a lovely pair @ Aldo.. but was not prepared to part with that amount... Popped by Topshop - there was a sale going on.. but :( can't find anything to my fancy.. River Island.. I like.. :) one of my fave labels [i absolutely heart their tees and lovely skirts.. :) ] Spotted a pair that resembled the Aldo one - Saw the pair in white/ black @ nett price of $149 - slightly more pricey than Aldo's (similar to my topshop flatties).. Almost wanted to head back to Aldo to get that pair but spotted the exact same design in black.. :) Sweet! And it's only $60! :) happy find!!

Typical singaporean nature in me decided to top my purchase so that I could get a stamp on the reward card ( completion of that card before end 2008 will earn me $50 voucher!) .. Being out of the house only after the sun rises [due to the seasonal change, and fact that I stayed in the eastern part, the sun rises before I do (should i be not heading to the gym in the morning).. hence it's a glaring walk from my block to the bus-stop]..

and hence, i bought this lovely pair of shades... - much cheaper than the prada pair that i saw the other day.. :) Sweet!!

Understood..

It was in the midst of the new song that we learnt during prac that I realised the cause of my frustration.... Sigh.. dislike the process of getting out.. pure shiok pain...but running away would just make me more frustrated... hence, "retirement/ reclusion" is not a solution.

And the new song that we learnt today was one that sparked many thoughts within... While listening to the recording on my way home, trying hard to hold back the tears... I don't understand, why can't I see the way You see me... very loved indeed....

And in the midst of the financial meltdown.. I know that the amount for the coming A&B is do-able.. (in the manner that my puny human brain think that it would be a miracle how the sum will come abt - to put a halt to the deficits..)

Speaking of meltdown.. I pray that the emotional meltdown will cease soon...

Felt very ministered by Isaiah 61 on my train ride home...:)

Explantion of God

A forwarded message from a colleague @ work ...

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton,who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'[ ... and he had such an assignment, in California,and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen !]

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist,you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'

'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And...that's why I believe in God.'

----------

Wish that the time machine can turn back the clock 20 years back? Sigh.. never have the privilege to attend Sunday school.. i.e. but nah, never an athetist..

Child-like ... It's blessed to be a child..  not be *tainted* by the thoughts & cares of this world ... but reality of fact.. one can never remain stet @ one phase forever.. yet one aspect we ought to retain.. the child-like faith ...

Why do i believe? Evolution and the big bang theory are too far-stretched for me ( oh yeah, was technically a science student until uni) ... :) I just know that there is God.. :)

tired...

: of the nagging thoughts...
:: of the excess baggages (literally & metaphorically & geographically - within the 4 walls of my room)
::: of being stuck..
:::: of travelling in public transport to get around...
::::: of the lacklustre routine...
:::::: of being 独り...
::::::: of the emo-ness...

それは変更の時間である!
(disclaimer: translated by yahoo!babel fish: in case it sounds grammatically wrong.. Had been a decade since my LJ81 in ntu... )Taking one step at a time...

the cUre?

: filter the -ve... and pray...
:: working out... clearing the captivity within my head, my heart, my room .. putting order back...[getting a place of my own would be great!]
::: if :: work out.. this shall help...
:::: getting my licence? or finding one who will be willing to drive me ard.. :) [not a requirement but good to have...]
::::: learning a new skill? [taking vocal now.. alrite so far... :)] sky diving? ...i will scream my lungs out.. (and burn a huge hole in my pocket...) maybe the aqua equivalent would be easier.. but i can't breathe in water...perhaps.. learning to coordinate breathing while executing strokes in water..
:::::: JET AWAY FROM the sunny island... (temporal? permanent?)
::::::: settle ::: and this should cease...

T_T" a very random post.. man.. i think I'm having logos-diarrhea!

flopped ...

gotta cruxify the flesh... sigh.. no wonder that came up yesterday... i repent...

reJoice

Within the four walls, you feel protected, you felt the protection from the storms/ terrors from without. Nothing seemed to be able to put you down.

Upon exit, the contrast set in. We know a lot, yet reality of the matters (reality defined as what we perceive with our five senses - yet a contrast opposite from the reality we set our faith in - which indeed is a paradox cuz that's what we believed in.) is that the feel-good-feeling was attacked by the non-invasive invasive thoughts that seeped in (subconsciously)... Sigh.. Adam, why did you fall? Sigh.. the perils of the fallen man, to be susceptible to the attacks of the unseen force (hmmm this sound so star-wars... "may the force be with you...") Dilemma.. Or simply the faith level is still at the low-low spectrum?

Simply put it.. I feel like I'm in retirement despite of the many good years I still ought to have ahead of me.. The colourful (and exciting) picture painted in the canvas within seemed like a distant cry of what the human mind can conceived.. the red-side declared that it's just a good-wishful thinking... the pristine-white side tries to reassure the fickle human mind that it's indeed the blueprint that has been set in even I was conceived..

It has been a warring 2008. Felt like a POW .... what has happened has surely diminished the strong flame that was burning on strong a couple of years back ... Not blaming the one that ought to have help but failed to (who perhaps did prayed for me and perhaps think that I will get out the way I get myself in by myself.. which then I ask, are you fulfilling the assigned "JD" that was required of your title.. Or did I expect too much of you?)

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

I need to upheave the dirt & grime, blood & tears that have buried the mustard seed... the mustard seed faith ...

meanwhile.. I sing, I dance, I rejoice...

Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

dig.. the verb? or the slang?

the more that I dig.. the more that I dig.. why?? Shouldn't have ask so much, but it came naturally as part of a conversation that started with what I was intending to do later... surprise.. there's so much more to brawn ... and it's all towards adding instead of subtracting.. the chinese have a saying.. 文武双全 .. 

And revelation.. there is a 12-string guitar.. revelation, thought he was "smoking" me at first.. but nope.. there's really such an instrument.. and i should think the acoustic should be great.. :)

It's not up to me?

A couple of my members lamented that they missed sat expo service cuz they felt that the God's presence is much more tangible in S2 compared to S4.  And asked why S4's atmosphere not as good as before... .. Even when I encouraged them that they can be the one who help make the difference.. that pulls down God's presence.. They were silent.. And one even replied.. "全靠你了, choir 的嘛". I was surprised.. Sigh. Take ownership of where you are placed.. And everyone plays a part.. Not just the stage ministry.. not just pastor who is preaching.. but it's the people... No one is too insignificant.. :) and don't short change one another yah? That being said, I've faith that the situation will improve wo..

And last nite, we were sorta grouped into "lifestyle groups". Frankly, I can fall into anyplace but I guess right now it's outdoor fun for me.. and sad woah, the counter partner in my grp (only her, cgl & me) doesn't seemed very confident that the group can grow woah... Hmm but i've faith still.. :)

Think I felt better after the yummy fish soup for lunch.. not so emo.. bumped into slyvia @ kopitaim (haven't seen her in choir for long.. she's now working in cannon.. haha . same building woa...) woo.. her first reaction was "哇!你瘦了!" haha.. that makes my day... :) (I guess every lady would too!)

Was reminded by buttercup that the run is approaching... hmmm hence.. aiming to hit at least 9k in 60min later.. (which is something attainable... !)

the thousAnd and one thoughts lingering in my mind..

Many thoughts ran through my head since the last time I posted anything.. Some are deemed too personal .. some are deemed too wild.. some are just plain crazy...

Had my 1st vocal lesson together with jolene on Monday... nOpe, not the personal one to one session, but the size of my class was alright.. approximately 10.. 老师 (I realised that vocal coaches like to address themselves as" XX老师")is one of the old-era 新谣composer/singer.. Hmm, I guess after the 20 lessons.. I should improve ba... don't have the sufficient funds to sca yet.. 2 areas I wanna pursue in : vocals and visual arts.. yep yep.. Painting/ drawing... (If that's what He showed me.. Twice! Though it's a hard for me to digest.. ) Oooh.. Artist-in-the-making.. ~ I don't have the typical accountant look anyway.. even though am trained & "vocation-ed" as one.. *faint*

Many thoughts that ran through my head.. and the haunting & daunting thoughts of the rise & falls.... dislike the phrase "心有余而力不足". The more biblical translation "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"... - in plain simple language = not willing..

Am I unwilling or simply dare not think or ask anymore? Or have I became myopic in the things of the unseen? Did I take on a refugee mindset and sought refuge when the toes barely touches the fire..? Would I have survive the "ordeal" if I remained & emerge victorious? Did I made the right decision then? I don't know... I seemed to taken on a running-stance towards certain situations..

Yet.. Rom 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

and I dislike waiting.. A patient learning to be patient... Ironical? God has a good sense of humour..

With regards to what's raging within…

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"
Matthew 7:7-11

And.. if that had not hit the nail..

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. "
1John 5:14-15

More of You and less of me…

"Duathlon"

I think I'm either out of sorts or I have too much energy to spare... I think was almost doing a "duathlon" today.. (alright with a couple of hours of rest in between!) yep.. I ran 6km and cycled two+ hours (and only ate a grilled chicken bun happy meal in between to fuel that...)

Only two months left to Dec... decided to hit the gym before meeting the rest @ east coast... Did a 6K on the treadmill.. and meddled with some of the machines.. (which was a silly idea to work my lower limbs - but didn't expect to cycle like 2+ hours...) I was really impressed by this cauasian guy with a prosthetic hand that he was still working out on his upper body @ intensity that would shame many of the able-bodied chaps around - I didn't realised that he was using a prosthetic limb cuz only saw his side profile.. until he was using the machine opposite me..

The cycling thingy was fun at first.. until we cycled to & fro from the area towards changi beach back to PA to mee summer.. haha -- think my over-worked legs silently staged rebel on the way back.. and i took like eternity.. But it was a good session.. :) got to know a couple of great gals better... like weiling & yajing.. :)

I relished the solitude moments spent on the way back.. Sigh, maybe be it's 近朱者赤，近墨者黑. haha I think I somehow caught this hermit feel from ... But i like the peace to think... to ponder... And.. Oh yes.. I really dislike the crowded parts of east coast park until we cycled past towards Changi beach area.. It was like being transported to another place that's so not Singapore...

 

Picturesque! (and caught summer's back view too!!)

 

see the purple "lalang" summer's  holding... Pretty! Tsk, I should have pulled my tee a bit.. :(  My hair so unglam!!

 

the purple lalang.. :) I like

 

I love this bright yellow my lemonhead tee! (Thank goodness that manger is now at novena, else it's over my dead body to wear that to gym! - and that e like to tease me on this.. sigh.. shouldn't tell him when it happen.. but then, i won't know so much more.. ) Oh yeah, i took this after dolling myself up and in the toilet.. Couldn't be doing it in the changing room wo..

On another note, it's has been 3 months since i started to maximize the full use of my gym membership.. and yep, enlisting myself back to the empire.. results not too bad so far.. has snipped off 4 off the scales and keeping that off.. :) Sad.. some of my pants/skirts are now in a state of tug and goes southwards.. I can go shopping during Christmas.. hehe.. :)

msn nick

Being emo.. - i think it's the hormones... one of my msn contact pop a msg .. to ask abt my nick.. wonder if I'm alright... sweet rite but puzzling.. this the second time he'd done that.. but haha that was a beri short chat (and non-engaging) ... considering the lengthly one I'd with JY (i think she's zzzz oredi) & estelle... until she logged off moments ago...

wrong hook.... T_T"

bait went on the right hook momentarily but not cuz of the bait.....

I'm speaking in parables.. tired "young" man.. haha.. :)

Acquired taste...

I was flabbergasted by what stelle told me... .. but I'll definitely not conform to another's style simply because it has the stamp of approval (twice) (but not from the style guru)[not that i need to ....] ... perhaps it was consensus of the audible voters... (or so i heard) - Anyway, if those extra pounds are shed.. woo.. i can dress better.. :) (shall hit the track later again...)

nah... it may be deemed as the best of the day.. but I'm not keen for a 881-look...

Alright, call it the "a-tas" nature... but I prefer sophisicated-chic than 881-style .. Oh well.. (alrite, i'm acting snooty here... but for me.. classy presides over over-the-top-loud. P.s the 881 show is very adpt for the ge-tai style.. not party wear and certainly- not your daily staples... So kudos to the stylist/ wardrobe for 881  for the colorful/ vibrant/ creative costume!!)

I can imagine the hall to be "ee-ha-ing" this weekend... or the next... why? cow-boy-footwear...

Creative..要在时代的尖端 but must be relevant.... It's never a one style fits all..  else, we should all wear uniforms...

and cosplay outfit is best left at anime shows...

Marilyn manson's style is distinct but definitely an acquired taste... and defintely not mine.. and yes, amy winehouse too...  tattoos any one??

Enough said... What's important is that how you dress does glorify God! :)

crazy .....

I know this is juvenille... but that has just bring a smile to my face... yep, i know.. get real yee... it's nothing much really...

looking forward to ...

yup, i'm in lalaland...