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Thursday 26 October 2006

the Interrogation.. the guilt trip...

Lynnette wondered what had she done wrong. Okay, she admitted that she has had indicated the option of entering into this course, PA300, hastily when the well-intentioned friend has told her repeatedly to consider her choice with great care and really to pray about it. Lynnette who was tired of the mundane, boring course TA 304 she was currently doing, she jumped at the chance to switch course at the first chance to take PA 300 instead of TA 305 (the next module in TA) ... and yes in what she deemed as a word from God, she conveniently flipped the Bible and hey presto... the book just opened at a page.. she scouted around.. and found this couple of verses that described what she wanted... SO.. she filled in the form to switch course...

Lynnette went through a couple of weeks of orientation.. found it interesting... yet she couldn't engaged in it.. Studying and passing for the pre-req modules were easy for her (since she loved to study..) BUT when she stepped into the Actual course in full steam.. she realised she came to dread attending the lectures and attempting the tutorials sessions of PA300.. And yes.. she came to drag her feet to PA300 tutorials. She knew that Mrs Ingari was very patient with her and yes might have spent extra efforts in helping her to get into this course (as it was out of the norm for mid-term transfer). However, as time passed, Lynnette came to realise that she couldn't make the head or tail out of the PA 300 practical applications. She just realised that she has hastily chose the easy way out to switch from TA 305 to PA 300 without getting through TA 305.. cuz Lynnette just couldn't stand the routine keypunching, no. crunching YET she loved the logic behind TA305.

After two weeks of struggling at PA300, Lynnette went to Mrs Ingari for help.. requesting to revert to TA306 since only two weeks had passed and she would be able to catch up at TA 306. (with her explanation that she had no passion toward PA course and that yes, she might have heard wrongly.) To Lynnette s surprise.. Mrs Ingari tried to persuade her to stick with PA300 as Lynnette had prayed about the switch before deciding and hence should not waiver.. Else how can she take charge of her cheerleading squad when she was so indecisive and lack of faith even in God. Miss Sudarma also added that she had forewarned Lynnette to pray, seek a Word before deciding the switch. And that she had given Lynnette ample warning of what's to come.. eg.. the doubts.. the waivering... the decision to revert back to TA 305.

Lynnette wanted so much to tell Mrs Ingari and Miss Sudarma of how she arrived at "THE WORD" and the fact that she didn't give much of a thought and plunged in head first. YET.. she told Miss Sudarma and Mrs Ingari (and yes.. the dean as well) that she had considered all factors prior to the switch.. BUT she kept silent.. the dean wanted Lynnette to head home and pray.. if no Word from God, she should exercise her faith to plough at PA300 Lynnette knew deep down if she wanted, she could.. but she would be living in misery.. like how she went thru' her high school, and she desperately wanted to go ARTS then).

After what seemed like back to back interrogation by Mrs Ingari, Miss Sudarma and the dean, Lynnette really felt like a worm in the apple and not the apple of God's eye.. Felt GUILTY for the time and effort that Miss Sudarma said that Mrs Ingari had put into hYet.. she learnt the lesson the PAINFUL way... Be wise in all her decision that's God's centered (not being religious though.. such as taking Religion 101 when she called to be a Japanese Language and culture expertise) and NOT to seek God hastily.. and Learn to HEAR from God in full .. not in parts.. In doubt.. Seek and confirm and reconfirm; and not do what you deem fit.

Yet, Lynnette was comforted by the sole friend that support her stand.." thank You" she said.. "at least, I know that there is no condemnation in making a wrong choice when you repent. i really appreciate you for believing in me still." ..

A victor is not one that never fails, but one that never quit.

Lynnette knew that she had failed (in her decision making process), to the extent that Some doubt on her capabilities/leadership abilities in OTHER areas.. yet.. she knew she would not quit, in spite of what others said regarding her (be it STRAIGHT at her face, or INDIRECTLY.) Yet, she respect them still as she regarded them as her teachers.

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