another offer...

was rather surprised to receive the invitation to this interview.. well.. Doors are certainly opening.. (as contrary to what some told me last week.. well.. that's in the past.. put it behind me...) Funny that when i saw this building next to LAu pat sat last sat.. I have a feeling that I will be back again... well well.. :) so it did came to pass.. =)

still waiting.. yay! =)

transition...

I don't like the feeling... I don't like it..

DUST.. I hate dust... Now.. my left eye is swollen...

I don't like to not be in the known..

YEt.. i know this is what God wants me to develop.. THE gift of long suffering... A&B is round the corner.. YET I'm still in transition...

I know He is my Provider.. ANd Thanks for closing the door (the one i went yesterday.. She impressed with me.. bUt.. felt that it's not the ONE...)
Now.... the word "sen -sei" rings in my head.. but I shall not be distracted.. That's something i want to do.. but not now..

It's only the second week.. waiting... be patient..

Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through
Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Internalise it..

thanks rachel dear.. for the surprise text message i received this morning... thanks dear... I gathered you're also facing ups and downs too rite- from huiling's blog.. so.. ganbatte! Smile.. the day can only be brighter!! Pathway of the righteous will just shine brighter.... banana told me that u'll be back in dec? .. email me ok.. i miss U!

counselling

Funny how I always end up comforting others.. when I feel like pits low...

Flaire for counselling?

thru that msn conversation... I sense that I should wait...... Ya.. I will

the room in the Zen feel office

This is indeed rather surprising. I almost didn't want to go. I'd a rather good talk with the fc and yes she seemd rather keen to take me for accountg job- wat i nvr applied. She was impressd by my schs and also my command of chinese. Should i take this 2mths contract job ? OR wait 4 the othrs to call? Pray. Praying. gotta reply by tmw....

deja vu feeling...

6 years ago.. I did exactly what i was doing now.... started in Sept.. waiting test over in Dec.. Yet I know FAther God will give me one of the BEST birthday present this year....

Rain.. why can't it rain today? I long to take a walk in the rain.... :)

wedding...

Just attended my ex-colleague's wedding.. it's kind of a fairyland theme... ( hmmm in line with my "fairy tales" posted earlier.. ?). the first wedding out of many up coming ones... met some of my good buddy buddy there.. like ls, mei, cherie.. and also pple that I don't really feel like seeing.. yet i smile..

silly thoughts went thru' my mind when ming siang (the groom) marched in with his pretty wife.. in my mind I was picturing how mine will be like.. silly cuz the person that came to mind was ... (No way.. no way.. ) I can't see it happen.. really cannot... YET.. I know it will be pictureperfect... mine.. i mean.. (expect to hear me dwell more.. since.. this is the start of the train WeddingDinners in line .. next being this sat.. )

Monday... shall i go D or not? I think I will move on.. :) don't wanna sprint... I jog not sprint..

I think some get to see my "holy fire" at work today.. bro.. :) thanks.. cuz those more deserving ones won't appreciate that...

I finally got my LEAVE form.. YET.. i'm officially in choir TILL processed.. (i'm happy yet... I felt torn...) And.. claire did a very interesting interview with me.. ( never failed to remind my dotter that next month will see a plus one in age.. ya.. I know I look like a freshie grad...)

I think i drank a bit more red wine.. (just one and half glass.. ) now sleepy...

but.. I want to tarry first...

ANd.. I think I better go doc tmw.. my EYEs are feeling the stingy feeling.. and yellowish? (andrew and ting both commented that they see yellow strains... ) Pray for healing...

oooo.. I have encountered SUB standard svc at a poshpOsh stall this morning while bUying vouchers for birthday gift on a leader's behalf... I know she is new.. BUT can u imagine passing vouchers WITHOUT envelope to customer... And Only handed over the receipt upon my request.. AND when the card didn't go thru.. she didn't try again.. and told me it is DISHONORED.. in a disdained manner (later i check my card.. it's working perfectly fine). I will visit the store ONLY if experienced staff is ard ... Sorry. but I regard quality service as a prime reason for repeated patronage..

Not to mention a more than enthusatic hello from one i thought was more than a hibyefriend early this morning.. maybe my eyes were wide shut then... tsk tsk tsk

okie, enuff of stuff and crap... tarry and encounter time..yeah !

good night Holy Spirit.. Good morning Holy Spirit

long sunday

0800 - 1100 : report for choir.. my last time to serve?
1100- 1230: rush down to ed hardy, buy voucher.. then back to report pM
1330 - 1530/1600: pm
16:00 to 16:30 :admin meeting
17:00 - 18:00: head home to change.. to head for ex-colleague's wedding..
1930 - : wedding dinner

monday.. I have to face it with faith ... I foresee a LOT of explanations... Can i avoid it? I don't think so..

At laupasat

They are eating. (picture taken using my SE .. fun ya?) I'm n0t. The song playing at the backgrd (some radio station playing the 90 hits...) - if wishes came true. I knOw mine will. NOw on air - my fave song, boyzone's no matter what.

ALmost didn't want to go.. cuz. I'm tired... went to the wealth seminar today.. ya.. I got two friends.. and yes.. One of them can give me potential lotsa wapi... BUT bottomline.. am i waivering again.. YET I know.. this is not what I'm called to do... I can sell if I want.. BUT don't want to start something that I won't follow thru.. unless she (my friend) wants me to... YET still waiting...

this came to mind.. a phrase that my sec sch mate, anqi, taught me - 吃玻璃长大的.. hmm.. haha...well.. discard this negativity!!

wait...

No other way... but wait..

testing of patience.. faith.. just simple trust..

thanks to those who still believe in me.. my cgls.. ryan and steven.. my lovely members.. joyce, corinth, eugene, darren who has been pillar of encouragement ... my dear "longest knowing" pal.. sandi.. one of my best pals since pri 6 (who first brought me to Christ.. ) .. and lovely carmen..

and most importantly, my Lord and Saviour.. Jesus and FAther God.. and My guide and teacher.. the Holy Spirit..

people might jeer and question and may not understand.. yet I know you won't.. I love you...

thanks...

received a very encouraging sms from one of my member... never expected that... wa.. nearly brought tears to my eyes.. CUZ it was that UNexpected.. Didn't know that i wore my feelings on my face.. he actually said that I looked quite stressed these few weeks... didn't know that I actually matter to some of them....

spoke to carmen last nite.. thanks gal... I will be your first client ok? :)

and my cgl.. I know i've put you in a difficult spot.. Really sorry... I will move on.. and be wiser...

spoke to two persons just now.. one counter-offered... one said to keep me in view.. well well.. :) anyway.. had contacted LS.. that one is rather positive.. (yet i know the env might be fierce... ) hope to hear from the sillybank soon...

Fairy Tales II

Princess would wish that she resides in the world above and not in the reality...

Yet.. Not now...

Reality... princess get chunky bits of education of life... from the dearest around her... In some ways, she has been rebellious.. Unconsciously... she might have hurt some of those around her with some of the decisions she made... looking back... she understand.. for every cause, there is an effect.. BUT she can't simply just live her lives for others right?

She knows as a result of her actions. she has caused immense inconvenience and unnecessary trouble to someone.. As part of the crew, she knew that he would resent her "unresponsible" actions of aborting the flight due to her height phobia (which is one of reason, but not the main) when the plane has not taken off... yet, as her family... her brother... he has to care for her welfare too... Princess doesn't want to put him in a difficult spot.. she felt bad to involve so many parties as a result of her irresponsible decision to fly by plane when she knew she don't want to and couldn't... She just thought it will be fun.. and yes... she was immatured to just think about herself... (and forgot that many others would be involved to enable her to take flight...) NOw.. she wanted to abort the flight cuz she knew this is no time for play and trial and error.. but she gotta face what she's called to do.. It's fun to her to just experience...

YET.. now.. she realised... there is a HUGE price to pay... a very HUGE price...

all princess wanted to do now is to hide and NOT face those she has disappointed.. She wanted to help them realising their dreams BUT she also wants to realise her own dream... Now all she wanted is to withdraw and hide...

Where is Centennial tower?

Got a surprise call this afternoon from a Miss Sharon.. Well.. very efficient.. I sent an email on sat.. and they gave me a call today! Maybe cause I was having lunch with birthday gal Ivory.. Vory.. happy happy birthday once again..

so am going to the Centennial Tower in less than 8 hours time.. well.. let's just see what's gonna happen...

it has been a looong day and i don't want to dwell anymore on it.. yet, was encouraged by one of the sms i received end of the day.. and yes.. also my evening spent with my looooongest friend on earth.. (longest cuz I knew her since tao nan days.. ahah...) :) amazing how we still link up after not meeting up for so long...

another mini reunion should come on shumin's wedding on nov. hmm.. haha.. the sole one at the s23 table with no rings adorned on finger... tsk tsk..

Carmen.. so sorry if you reading this and this appears to be YET another parable.. (the earlier post) .. but maybe u will understand though... :)

GUILT MANAGEMENT - from the Leadership File

Be at ease.

You can only do what you can do.

If you've done what you can do, what else can you do?

Don't feel guilty for what you cannot do.

You are who you are and you do what you do.

You are not God.

Do what you can do and He'll do what you cannot do.

the Interrogation.. the guilt trip...

Lynnette wondered what had she done wrong. Okay, she admitted that she has had indicated the option of entering into this course, PA300, hastily when the well-intentioned friend has told her repeatedly to consider her choice with great care and really to pray about it. Lynnette who was tired of the mundane, boring course TA 304 she was currently doing, she jumped at the chance to switch course at the first chance to take PA 300 instead of TA 305 (the next module in TA) ... and yes in what she deemed as a word from God, she conveniently flipped the Bible and hey presto... the book just opened at a page.. she scouted around.. and found this couple of verses that described what she wanted... SO.. she filled in the form to switch course...

Lynnette went through a couple of weeks of orientation.. found it interesting... yet she couldn't engaged in it.. Studying and passing for the pre-req modules were easy for her (since she loved to study..) BUT when she stepped into the Actual course in full steam.. she realised she came to dread attending the lectures and attempting the tutorials sessions of PA300.. And yes.. she came to drag her feet to PA300 tutorials. She knew that Mrs Ingari was very patient with her and yes might have spent extra efforts in helping her to get into this course (as it was out of the norm for mid-term transfer). However, as time passed, Lynnette came to realise that she couldn't make the head or tail out of the PA 300 practical applications. She just realised that she has hastily chose the easy way out to switch from TA 305 to PA 300 without getting through TA 305.. cuz Lynnette just couldn't stand the routine keypunching, no. crunching YET she loved the logic behind TA305.

After two weeks of struggling at PA300, Lynnette went to Mrs Ingari for help.. requesting to revert to TA306 since only two weeks had passed and she would be able to catch up at TA 306. (with her explanation that she had no passion toward PA course and that yes, she might have heard wrongly.) To Lynnette s surprise.. Mrs Ingari tried to persuade her to stick with PA300 as Lynnette had prayed about the switch before deciding and hence should not waiver.. Else how can she take charge of her cheerleading squad when she was so indecisive and lack of faith even in God. Miss Sudarma also added that she had forewarned Lynnette to pray, seek a Word before deciding the switch. And that she had given Lynnette ample warning of what's to come.. eg.. the doubts.. the waivering... the decision to revert back to TA 305.

Lynnette wanted so much to tell Mrs Ingari and Miss Sudarma of how she arrived at "THE WORD" and the fact that she didn't give much of a thought and plunged in head first. YET.. she told Miss Sudarma and Mrs Ingari (and yes.. the dean as well) that she had considered all factors prior to the switch.. BUT she kept silent.. the dean wanted Lynnette to head home and pray.. if no Word from God, she should exercise her faith to plough at PA300 Lynnette knew deep down if she wanted, she could.. but she would be living in misery.. like how she went thru' her high school, and she desperately wanted to go ARTS then).

After what seemed like back to back interrogation by Mrs Ingari, Miss Sudarma and the dean, Lynnette really felt like a worm in the apple and not the apple of God's eye.. Felt GUILTY for the time and effort that Miss Sudarma said that Mrs Ingari had put into hYet.. she learnt the lesson the PAINFUL way... Be wise in all her decision that's God's centered (not being religious though.. such as taking Religion 101 when she called to be a Japanese Language and culture expertise) and NOT to seek God hastily.. and Learn to HEAR from God in full .. not in parts.. In doubt.. Seek and confirm and reconfirm; and not do what you deem fit.

Yet, Lynnette was comforted by the sole friend that support her stand.." thank You" she said.. "at least, I know that there is no condemnation in making a wrong choice when you repent. i really appreciate you for believing in me still." ..

A victor is not one that never fails, but one that never quit.

Lynnette knew that she had failed (in her decision making process), to the extent that Some doubt on her capabilities/leadership abilities in OTHER areas.. yet.. she knew she would not quit, in spite of what others said regarding her (be it STRAIGHT at her face, or INDIRECTLY.) Yet, she respect them still as she regarded them as her teachers.

leave.....

i want to..... very much wanted too.........................................

WoRds...

well... your stature will be affected by your manner of speech.. the vocab that you use... well.. i was surprised at the choice of vocab some used in expressing their heightend emotions towards certain situation he/she faced in a conversation exchange i was part of (merely listening...). Pretty Shocked.. CUZ.. well.. I never expect the usage of alternative words (in replacement of words NOT found in dictionary.. at least the paper version for school goers..) by him/her cuz he/she was actually talking to a relative new person.. (absolute term not new.. in another dimemnsion... new...)

well.. being in the world but not of the world... so.. yes.. we need not engage the world via use of the "expressive" lingo.. (true form or alternate form) well.. english is such a extensive language.. surely.. there are other words suitable to describe intense emotions... hence... never expect that ... well.. well.. thought I'd high-lighted this to him/her before... last year? well.. well... ? Not being too legalistic ba.. nor am i expecting Queen's English.. but not that expressive vOcab - even in alternate rorm..

well.. well.. another thing that irrrates me.. MCP.. and making decision bypassing auth.. (actual/ assumed/ delegated.. whatever)... Holy Spirit... help me... urgh... to overlook this.. yet i can't entrust more....

Fairy Tales

"... and they live happily ever after.."

the good old happy ending that one may look forward to seeing at the end of a story...
I think so.. at least me...

can fairy tales translate into reality... well.. dreams lead to vision and vision CAN come to pass... Are fairy tales some form of dreams..?

princess miOne @ the fairyland... well.. like the fave song from Snow White goes.. "some day ,,,, "

dreaming takes away the tension build up this couple of weeks.. Met bro Andrew @ attributes.. well.. he asked me abt my new job.. Told him that the question might not stand.. he told me that he was astonished @ my decision.. I too... (well well.. )but he seemed relieved when i told him it's no longer new... cuz... Well.. what shall i say.. afterall.. he's still my 1st cgl... one that saw me thru the infant years...

well.. i guess D day again later today... as the chinese saying goes... 长痛不如短痛

My breakfast.

Happy sight rite? Little treat 4 me cuz it had been a long week. Ya, self-encouragement to princess mione that she found n convictd of her purpose.

smile.. am i smiling?

maybe before service no.. after yeah.. (encompassing many reasons)

making DECisION no.2 is much sweeter than sticking to DECISION no.1.

service today just confirm the out of the suddent actions this morning to email...

YET.. past is past.. today was a bad day to have the interview.. yet all things work for good..

finally.. after repeated audible reprimand.. It surfaced.. the root source of it all.. I don't really want to say it.. YET he already know it Before I say.. he just wanted to me acknowledge it and move on.. cuz I have given up THAT right.. ( kinda insane to want hold on to that.. i don't want..

the aftermath

I think I blew it... big time... YET i prayed I didn't..

the INTERVIEW

am Going for the interview @ 4pm...

AM NERVOUS... cuz I'm not prepared...

nope.. not job interview.. (hmmm... hmmm..?) but the L-interview... just learnt abt it ONE hr agO....

application

i just did...

and felt the peace..

just a try..

if it is so..

it will be so...

if not...
life goes on...
keep trying...

WOn't be as bad as last night...

Yeah.. finally got my code!!

Am going out now!! :)

Sent via error

Didn't realised dat i've sent the draft sms to bro jeff until i saw his reply. Aiz my keypad nt locked. Aniwae its meant to be. At least won't hv to decide choir or cg. And lesser (i hope) short n stern msgs frm ... Cuz sometime, mst of the time, i've askd 4 it cuz its just 75%. Nw no excuse nt to give the 101%.

time to look at the

MACRO... not the micro . Yet there is a tendency to look into the nittygritties the Minute issues BUT neglect the most crucial issue...

And the story of reaping comes after i sow challenges into a members' life... Fun rite?? Feel that this gotta stop... else.. strawberry bitter... can't have this mindset.. else.. work will be difficult for me..... heeheehee.. think carmen might have the answer.. haha... haha.... :)

what advanced degree should i pursue???

hmmm...

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

hmm guess what I am trained as @ ntu? haha... accountancy... ahahh... perhaps. should have listened to the small voice when it was time to choose sch to study.. yet... all things happen for a reason ya?

in the future.. after sot.. :)

Misty Singapore

Wa, air quality getting frm bad to worse. .tis view of downtown east frm corridor.
Today was a good day so far, met an ex-colleague 4 lunch,did my 1st informal fact find/mini presentatn, she impressd. Ü confidence booster. Went home first aft lunch meetg and spendg some quality time wif mom, plus i was carryg real heavy stuff. On my way to suntec nw. Ü

a looong week...

haven't been blogging...

not that nothing been's happening... In fact... I'm feel like I'm walking on broken glass 24/7 very recently.. cuz.. I get to be assessed 24/7 now...

sometimes.. I just feel transparent... Transparent .... or perhaps...it's not me.. bUt the oblivious...

well.. taking pride that servant is not meant to be seen.. Be the greatest servant of all...

it's been a LOoong day today... went to service.. went to shaun's holy matrimony... didn't expect her to invite me but she invited me last thurs when i popped my head into her room to rtn her $.. hmmm.. talked to one of her ex-classmate cuz she was alone too.. ah.. hope I'd sOrta ministered to her.. :) but the wedding at the Glasshouse at Art Museum pretty pretty... anyway.. didn't really stay for the refreshment ... jutted down to cityhall ... later realised that the helpers' sesssion was cancelled.. tsk tsk... roamed ard cityhall... until i realised merchant court swissOtel not @ swissotel..ahha... tsk... little i realised that it was a buffet kinda dinner we were having with steven.. aiya.. didn't really eat alot.. cUz I don't eat much really.. but it was good fellowship.. ahha... think cherie is an interesting gal.. hit off rather well with her...hmm.. haha..

well.. enuff of rest... for one month... time to put to practise what I'd studied for past ONE month...

oooooh btw... TOday is OCt 16.. so.. less than a month to princess' mione hatchie day... ahha... this week.. I think we'd helped celebrate my cgl's birthday thrice! ahha.. glad that he was SURPRISED by the celebration after the makeup cg.. hhaa.. hmm princess mione can spring surprises too.. ahha..

well... the sa with surname tan has been trying to infiltrate my grey matter with badbad negative negative thots and ya.. I nearly fall prey to his scam by trying to push all away via protrayal of the characteristic of a bull.. haha.. however.. that didn't last loong.. YET... period of moulding and pruning has just begun... :)

All cleared... Praise the Lord!

God's words will not return to Him void!

DEspite of the "encouraging" comments from the tutor and some others on the past results of the candidates.. (such as "50+%" passing rate.. , you definitely HAVE to study/ memorise A LOT to pass...), i only managed to squeeze oUt 6 -7 hours to cram the 1 inch thick A4 size book... (cuz sat whole day gone, Sun half a day... and morning going to office...). ALmost contemplated NOT to go to morning devotion when i still have 8 chapters (half an inch thick of the text) to digest at 330am.. (translate: 4 more hours to go...) YEt, just felt that I HAVE to go to the devotion and Praise the Lord I did.. (cUz word in season.. and word of encouragement to me.. perhaps to share another time...) so thought that i would still have 3 hrs to revise after AM devotion

Yet, i didn't know there's weekly meeting.. So..by the time it ended.. it was 215.++ so.. no more time to revise.. went to exam with estella and sis catherine.. well.. we made use of the remaining 45 min to comb thru as much as possible.. well.. the text seemd like GREEK to me by then...

exam time.. well.. there are 50 questions in all.. frankly i was only confident in perhaps 20+ of them (and passing % is 70%.. ie. i can afford at most 15 incorrect answers...) finished 1 round of checking and there's 2 minutes to go.. Didn't have the faith to click on the "finished" button.. so watch the clock counting down.. yet i have the assurance that I will pass.. clock was ticking.. 5...... 4 ....... 3 ....... 2 .... 1

the computer screen flashed the word "PASS".. I was esctatic... And.. God began to remind me once again what His promise.. Cuz I told God.. if really that's where He wanted me to head... let me to clear ALL the entry exams at the 1st sitting.. well.. GOd never lies.. and really, i won't know how to do it without God.. cuz I was pressed for time to revise... never have the luxury to revise after lessons.. cuz the course was structured in such a manner that you will take the exam on the next day or so after the LAST lesson of the module... Well.. I could have trust in my flesh and do everything that a typcial person will do.. (ie.. to pass my exam ... I will have to just only STUDY and push other things away...) but I choose to do it God's way.. so.. I didn't change my typical schedule and still go meeting, cgm, choir prac, served when it's my team is on... Well.. what you sow you will reap.. was enlightened by one of Joyce Meyer's podcast recently.. many people neglect their time with God.. Well.. principle of sowing and reaping.. if you need finances, you sow finances... hence, if you need time, sow time to the Lord..

hmmm think huiling must have come by here once in a while.. (gal, do tag me leh.. I love WORDs of affirmation... ) cuz lian was telling me .. :)

char siew gal... your rolly polly will come soon.. maybe after i close my 1st deal okay... glad u like the greeny.. turtle/ tortorise..

okok.. time to get ready for work...

At tampines mac

Am waitg 4 my membr to give her makeup msg. Haha.. Title is preparing urself 4 a Miracle.
Miracle does happen. To be continued when i get home. Loving tis phone more each day. Allow me to blog o'ver phone.

Revision at popeye's chicken & biscuits at t1

Finishd lunch with carmen at popeye's. Just finishd chapter 1, 14 more to go.. Tis is the view i'm facing, departure hall. Ü

finAlly...

Finally... I told my choir ic that I would have to leave choir soon.. (cuz bro jeff not ard, so i told the covering instead...) I wonder when will be the LAST time to serve.. AHha.. maybe i will be the "excited" person again tmw...

TODAY.. is a day that things just kept going wrong..

1. overslept and mom not happy that I went back to sleep after she woke me up.. (am supposed to go breakfast with her..)

2. missed bus 12.. resulting the need to take cab..

3. choir prac.. legs and hands seemed detached.. Praise the Lord that unlikely i would or can go to the audition for brighter day.. not that i try to "siam" .. but reason is legitimate.. (see 1st paragraph..)

4. missing soundcheck - cUz need to meet steven.. (with the others guys helping steven with cg matters..)well... the session sorta long... ended at 445.. we ran back.. Entrusted our bags with fellow members to bring back to HAll 8 for us.. (don't expect us to bring our bags on stage right?) Then rushed back.. one innocent question sparkled the flame within.. ( stress. makes one vulnerable..) yet.. no pt explaining la..

5. THE FIRST time i set thru' a service (save for 1st service @ chc) WITHOUT my bible, my notebook, my pen, my offering.. and my hp too.. cuz that's the no. that cg stuff would be smsed.. YAh.. I think my expression showed.. (gee i didn't notice steven sitting behind me....)I guessed this is how Mr SA tan decided to distract me.. CUZ.. think only my body was in the hall.. and my mind drifted away until 25% into the sermOn.. for the very 1st time.. [ok, 2nd time .. ist time i sat thru service with A not so sweet smelling attitude was 4 yrs back.. when my NEW cg didn't contact me when i went service.. i purposely sat by myself when i actually saw them (ya.. still young then..).. totally horrendous experience.. ] i sang the praise song like KTV mode... (my flesh can be rather thick at times..) Yet.. I know this can't go on... but the flesh prevailed.. till i stubborn reiterated.. God, I don't have my bible.. So I AM NOT going to say.. "this is my bible... etc" YA.. that stubborn silent rebellion resulted in non-processing of information.. UNTIL I decided to STop this silly staged-rebellion from within.. I forced myself to be RARA.. to cheer... to stop silent-clapping.. ya.. the peace just came... and thank GOd i did not miss the best part...
YET.. the VERY BEST part is I LEFT MY SERMON NOTE ON the chair.. (cuz I don't have my bag with me.. so i left it on the chair when steven was debriefing us.. )never mind.. I will sit in again tmw..
Well.. all things work for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose...
Stubborn streak in me.. made me decided to wait for lian.. haha.. we went bedok interchange for dinner.. We ordered this "half melon".. It was refreshing.. thirst quenching.. (though I don't think i want to makan more watermelon for next few days at least..) we chatted and ya, good for me.. to release and talk...

Well.. reached home ard 1030.. spent some Quality time with dad and mom.. ( haha.. just spent time lo.. sitting with them watching TV - the gogo jacky variety show.. last segment on hide and seek very interesting...) then.. chatted with Robin for half an hour or so.. then.. i was expecting him to call.. and he did.. cuz.. could discern la.. hmmm haha.. not my special someone though... It was my leader.. hmm... different level.. diffferent requirement... I should say I AM very privileged that my life gonna be scrutinised ( already did a couple of times... ) to the nano level.. (aND i have the privilege meet him 6/7 days of the week at least ... haha.. though that seemed rather scary to me initially... Imaging being assessed 24-7 - okie.. not so extreme.. BUT that should not pose a problem...

okie.. I would love to blog more.. but... tired. AND I have yet STARTED on my HI revision.. gotta start ASaP... let me Qt.. sleep and revise...

haze

the moment i opened the door.. i was hit by the burnt ashy smell in the air...

bad way to start the day...

tOday will be a BUSY day.. think i can forget abt studying the HI text le..

going choir prac [last few? can i stay in choir till my birthday?? :)] soon... tata...

The 3 tortises

Cutesy! my1st blog via my sony ericsson..
guess which is mine? :)

Reworked..

I think I'm too "C".
Thank God that his ink ran out.. else.. the songsheet would be... plain jane..
I appreciate his effort.. BUT.. it's outreach leh... PLAIN is not the way la.. I don't want to be "whack" again.. if I can rectify at my end.. i will do it.. the ding dong-ing is too much le...

My head is splitting.. my eyes are closing... Yet.. no one will see.. Well.. so long He does.. that's enuff...

overwhelming day... 3 rejections.. "interesting" confernce call, splitting headache... fully charged phone flat by end of day due to the dingdong sms/ calls... ... informed enhui (by accident) that I'm leaving chOir...

I love my life still...

10 things I hate about you

I hate it when you kept changing what's need to be done.

I hate it when the words you use on me seemed harsher than the rest.

I hate it when you just kept pounding on me when I've tried what i could.

I hate it when I cannot meet the expectation you have of me.

I hate it b'cos there is nothing much i could do to lessen your burden.

I hate it when i felt resentment towards you when i know i should not.

I hate it when I seemed to do my best, and yet, that's not what you want.

I hate it when I know there are things I want to say but just don't know how...

I hate it cuz there is this mixed feeling within...

I hate it cuz I know i can't bear to hate you..

tuesday... another interestng day...

hmm.. got to know another fellow colleague today.. sharon... As wiltian and sharon was chatting abt serving chinese church.. etc.. during lunch.. well.. suddenly.. was so envious of them.. cuz.. I know I will soon not be able to be on the choir stand.. haiz... Wanted to sms bro Jeff but.. didn't have his no. in my new phone.. so.. didn't.. guessed that I would call him tmw.. the more i procrastinate.. the harder it takes...

hmm... despite of how impossible current situation to hit the forecast on Thurs.. I believe it can be achieved... hmm... Ya.. It can be done.. Amen!

I gotta do what He thinks I can do.. I have to... Someone asks me.. why do you want to switch job.. (from a job that pays you a COMFORTABLE 2-3k job.. to the current one I'm embarking next week...) hmm.. i'm seeking comfort.. I could jolly well stay status quo (both work and ministry...) BUT surely.. there's more to life than a 8 - 530 job.. ANd i guess.. the joy and fulfillment will be derived from attaining the goals of client.. (as u see... my love language in terms of giving is Acts of service.. so.. ahaha.. appropriate right?)

hmm felt that I've been "strongly encouraging" one of my helper a bit on the extreme.. hope she's not too overwhelmed, (hmm I could see the "d" side of me when i speak to her... )...

Stress level for me is on the increasing side... See NEW things that I've to assume and settle ASAP.. leader A & S wants me to GROW GRow grOw... and ya... i will ...

happy MAF.. (wa.. this reminds me of my jc mAF event... wow 10years since my 1st hwa chong mAF.. hahaha.. i know I don't look my age.. Joyce's friend Issac thought I was younger than him!! haha.. yet another who think I'm a freshie grad!) If you are reading this and don't have any plans this thurs.. call me or tag me... we're having a MAF celebration.. @ tanjong pagar area... start 730.. You are cordially invited...

okie.. time to zzzz... AIMS 3! yey!

First CD!

If you have not buy this cd.. gO and get it... My fave track is now the background music... (actually i love all the tracks... esp the worship songs.. it will be Wow to sing them in cg!!) I want to go children church too!!

After the intense conversation last night... I put on this cd.. and i was weeping... and weeping.. when i was listening to this track...

Love of my life
- lyrics & music by audrey cheong and veroy chua

Every heartbeat says
Thank you Jesus
How You gave Your life
For my salvation
Gaze at the rainbow
I see Your love

I will look to You
Night and Day
Sing of Your great name
How I live again
By Your grace
I see You face to face

You are the Love of my life
My refuge always by my side
Forever I will sing
And worship You my King
You are the One I adore
I give You my heart, My all
Forever You are all I need
Lord You're here with me

the third time..

the same question pOsed three times by three different leaders.. how? Willing to make the cut now? Answer is evident now..

do i really need to see the trickle of blood...

hmmm saw adrian @ foyer 3 this afternoon... tsk.. yes.. he posed me answer the question i would want to avoid... AM i still in choir? He used an interesting analogy... 一刀要见血 .translate: Why haven't I make a clean cut.. a clean choice... (he never fails to remind me that I've YET articulate my desire/calling). Yes.. THe second time this week... A sign??

Am I avoiding this again... had been dragging fOr at least two weeks... it's not that I've not the direction... yet...it's something that I'm not really ready and want to let go.. the friends.. something i like... and yes.. something i'm getting used to... yes.. I want to be part of the team to perform "brighter day".. (yeah, it's gonna be a "wOw" item..... Yet.. don't think that will come to pass.. )

it's a season of letting go.. and adapting.. and assuming new responsiblities... Am i willing to let go? In one aspect of me.. I'd already did... and that took tWo years.. Am i going to take that long tO make up my mind again... but if so...will i miss the kairOs time?

Obedience is the best answer ...

Fri afternoon, received an sms from bro alvin.. Was rather surprised to see that he wants me to help cover him in the subzone attendence in the event that he's away.. i was really surprised... cuz (a) why me? (b) I don't have the red tag ..

This evening... during service... while pastor was sharing on some of the history of our church... God just reminded me... from how He has called me... and all that's happening.. is not a coincidence... is all in accordance to His blueprint for me...

"Ordinary my voice may be, let many lives be impacted when i sing.. " translate. this is not gOnna take place on stage.. but in another setting... truly fully comprehend this now... Yes, my voice is sad to say... ORDINARY (and this has to be illustrated in the plain trUth... in frOnt of the "organising committee" after the debrief... [ya, u have sorta prick the wound that has healed over past couple of days.. sOmetimes... I just wonder... if my voice quality is really that bad .. how did i make it pass the choir auditions ( in sch for the syf competitions.. and in church for ministry)? ]

perhaps.. am in the oversensitive mode again... OR.. i just need an audience to listen to this.. Ya.. was talking to faith this afternoon... sad to see one of my palie in chOir being attached to this gUy who is ah.. not MOG.. and ya.. as a result.. more distant to everyone... hmm.. she told faith that she won't understand cuz she ain't at that age yet..she will understand when she (faith) is at her age.. *Alo...* btw this gal should be at most 22/23? no choice? hmmm won't this put me to a frenzy now? but why settle for kosong teo chew muay when you can endulge in abalone porridge? * i would prefer the abalone porridge... live examples of those who regret choosing the teo chew muay at the slightest complain of hunger... porridge.. *craving for the crystal jade porridge now..* porridge in mind? i think i mught have a certain craving now... i guess i'm not much of a food gourmet.. as long as it fall within my broad limits of tolerance (which is not that difficult to meet.. but not really..).. i can slowly grow to adapt and like it..

porridge parable? hmmm.. crab porridge? haha...

not making sense?

nevermind...

three down.. One more to go..

well.. if GOd has called.. HE will pave the way..

indeed.. amazingly... I've cleared ALL my exams so far @ 1st attempt.. with the LEAST hours of reviSion time.. (PRaise the Lord.. esp for my two papers of AIMS cuz.. I only studied 3.5 hrs!! and ahaha.. almost didn't have time to finish the tpk paper.. and haha passing marks is like 60%) * well.. the wonderful reward fOr placing God first in all that you do.. (so am sure the HI will be the same...)

so.. next week will be my LAST week at psa.. then.. it's really the START of the next phase.. was talking to someone earlier this afternoon.. i don't want to have the attitude of bo-chupness in the event of mOving on.. despite how mUch i detest the job.. (well.. glad that i still tried to hand over as proper as possible on my prev. one.. )