crashed...

first it started with VERY slow processing speed..  It takes almost 5 minutes to start up...  And my fb games applications is slow and laggy.... This persisted for a couple of weeks....

So I thought, maybe file structure is clogged up... why don't I clear the temp files and defragmentised...

Yeah, that was the suicidal plan of my ibm thinkcentre.. (Yes, it was that antique.. before IBM stopped dealing with pc/ laptops and passed them all over to lenovo..)

So i started my innocent plan to clear the mess.. that probably kill the processing speed and the defrag process is like only 50% completed after 4 hours (@ 3am) so I thought, by the time I arose @ 6+.. it should be done...

Biological alarm rang @ 6..

PC screen blacked.. Processing noise still whizz from the cpu..

Attempted to rouse it from deep slumber... Feeble attempt to revive it...

Tried laying hands...  This time.. it is really DEAD. (I'd previously tried to resusiate the presuccessor -a HP CPU.. it works for a brief moment.. then it prolly died.. which was how max helped me to get this thinkcentre.. haha)

Did the worst case option - Power Off.. (that proves to be the fatal move -  I should think)

Power on it again - System can't start up cuz a system file extension can't be located..  (Half expected it cuz I cut off power suddenly while it was defragmentising... )

Tried the "rescue & recovery" option within - rescusing it will involve resetting to factory setting.. and my last backup was done in 2007/8. Drats..  and I can't find those disk..

PC won't start in safe mode either..

So.. I certified it gone.. (the mj tune came to mind.. gone too soon...)

Not really, the warranty expired eons ago..... it survived for at least 3 years? Think it arrived @ home in dec 2005... so it's prolly close to 4 years old...  Pointless to revive it .. shall attempt to salvage the hard disk drive perhaps...

Plan now is to lug my 2kg+ work thinkpad home.. (yeah, not the small notebook.. but it's the bigger t61..).. Until I get a new laptop..

thinking of  getting a vaio - even though it's like paying more for the same specs.. Kinda like this new CW series (OS is the new Windows 7)

Or the W series

Or.. the cheaper hp netbook.. HP-mini 311

Or the lenovo

The apple Macbook looks good too..

I gathered I valued the aesthetic aspect of the note/netbook more.. so.. mostly likely.. it will either be the Sony w or Hp mini... or the CW? .

November is approaching.. anyone felt led to contribute to "mione's laptop fund" is most welcome to do so.. :) or even better.. get me the laptop...

Breakthrough!

Last thursday during cg meeting, for the first time in many eons.. since 2008, I finally broke ice and exchange a few words with my ex-cgl.  Somehow, it doesn't feel that weird and it doesn't even seemed that I've not spoken to him properly for that long..  Frankly, i dreaded cg that night, cuz ex-cgl taking cg that night and for the second time in a row, doing praise and thirdly.. my ex-cg is joining my current cg for that meeting.. in short.. FEAR struck..

Think that I fared better @ this attempt.. at least, the atmos was uplifting.. and i was bouncing on the sofa.. yeah..bouncing... T_T' (next time, shall not sit that far in...) - Thank God He came!! :) I reckon it was passable cuz zone leader came to me last sunday said a 'spy' told him that pnw was good.. :) phew.. (but I chose an easy song awaken my soul - over the new song that I initially chosen.. haha..)

Truly, what you ask, you will receive.. 

Still  till today - I have this mini-struggle still regarding something else.. which explains why I ended up in jw and not rw. yeah.  but glad i went though, caught up with eileen (cuz the whole of sops were @ the front while i ended up talking to eileen at the sound consol area.. cuz i was trying to negotiate for change of service after hearing s1 = costume.. T_T" ) and with sheena babe.. who is busily marking her students' scripts on the train and I observed that S'poreans are bunch of curious peeps.. they love to turn their heads in oblivion and stared at the marking.. T_T"

Ask.. and you shall receive

For no apparent reason, I prayed over this area early this morning - one of the areas that I don't like to confront cuz I simply swept it under the carpet and ignored it. An sms from cgl this morning immediately lit up the warning signal within.. Gosh.. its combined cg and my x-cgl gonna be taking instead of steven. Darned.. I guessed - it was another case of - ASK and you shall receive.

Faint.

Oh well, at least it wasn't the other goliath who has simply "blank-o" everything with the delete function.

Provocative.. sexy?

Uhmp..  Until 5pm last evening, I thought  I worked in a liberal organisation. Those ladies in the corporate commuications department dresses rather well and okie.. bare skin too...  Obviously, they should be more high key than a tax staff right? And.. I don't move around that much, except to the pantry (which is just right in front of me) and the ladies (which is next to the pantry area).. so, I thought I am low-key personnel..

Yet, apparently, there are a group of my "fans" who seemed to take note of what I wear on a very frequent basis (oh dear.. female chi-ko-pay!!) and they are rather not pleased with my dressing - which in not, in their opinion - suitable for office .. Gosh..  First thought that came to mind - my dressing too causal ? But the HR am maintained that they don't have an issue with the dress code so long it is corporate biz wear and they found it STRANGE that this person raised this feedback. oh year, this person was a female. And claimed that there are some males colleagues too who also commented. So  I wonder.. what was the feedback - so it seemed that she thinks that my dress sense was too sexy for office? T_T" (initial reaction was 'wt......"okie  but obviously it is just within the mind, not audible thought.. ) But HR understood that the term "corporate wear" is up to individual interpretation and due to the more conservative folks around, it's best that one don't expose any skin above the upper torso area.. I should think..

I thought hard and can't recall any sexy items worn, except maybe halter necklines and perhaps, sleeveless tops and maybe a few spaghetti straps top - okie.. i dun like to wear jackets cuz it's hot.. and i'm not adverse to the cold airconditioning.. And I am mostly stuck to my chair in my workstation.. hence unless the "chi-ko-pay" always glanced at me whole making her/his way to the loo or on the way to pantry.. how else she/he knows what I am wearing.. And claiming that the various peeps in her dept too shares her sentiments..

Gosh.. I am famous.. People gossip about me!! 

Please.. sexy..yeah..  if i dress like this daily, call me sexy babe..

source of pix

 Or like what the HR says, perhaps I should attempt to applease her/them (cuz the HR did not actually verify the several peeps who purported to share the same sentiments as the "feedback giver", but the no. of purported peeps is sufficient to warrant a verbal chat.. ) by wearing a jacket or shawl for the time being so that she/them won' think I am that sexy after awhile..  But they don't deem it as serious to inform my GM though... so hence, they thought of just resolving this feedback via a friendly informal chat with me.

Faint... me sexy?? T_T" ms/mr chi-ko-pay - time for your eyesight checkup.

Meanwhile, I would attempt to be less provocative as possible.

Determined

Despite attempts to keep to the dietary restrictions that e has imposed due to my runs - he sure set high expectations - i still fall short of it. Darned.  Or perhaps of the smart aleck excuses spunned for not adhering.. (such as Fastfood? no, it wasn't that fast. I waited a while for it. ) - haha that got him peeved .. ;p

And think he has enough of the smart/defensive excuses - so he had a deal with me -  he will not intervene with what I ate provided I can finish the ge run in 45 min. Obviously, that will not be possible. The very best I think I can manage will be a 55.  So I gave my word that I would adhere to the STRICT (sad) diet AND the 3 runs or else.. he get to chose the "punishment". Guess what..  should I fail to keep to the instructions - i get to stand on one of the machines and sing an e-original (likely super-sacarsm..). Sigh, since I can't outtalk him, obedient is the best policy..  and e stands for 'evil'. bleh. determined not to let e has the last laugh.

so.. bye bye junk food...

source

topsy turvy

Frankly, I was not in the condition to be up on stage yesterday. Felt the onset of a headache while I was making my way to kwang & kei's .. dimissed it as lacked of sleep.. Not exactly that pleased when someone just called out for names and simply asked "are you late?" without bothering to ask why (oh well, if there and then you decided to blacklist cuz of just one late appearance - by mere minutes.. without asking for explanation - so be it. ) And really, I don't appreciate the 一竹竿打翻全艘船way of "chastening" - when those who are really doing what ought to be done is not heard and ain't the command given to lower the volume? Perhaps, all shall squeeze to the front so can be seen and heard? but hey, space limited and those who are front are always front. Anyway, relationship preceeds discipline. If you has yet sowed into one's life, you have yet got the right to speak into his life.  perhaps... this is it?? 

Head was spinning by the time i was on stage - moment i closed my eyes. Hence I didn't .. else I would prolly lose balance and create a domino effect. t_t"

Was in a topsy turvy state throughout the day and it was progressively worst by the time I met my bro & mom for microwave shopping (the darned old one blacked out a couple of weeks back) and.. despite the dumpling @ Imperial restuarant was rather delicious - i only had two.. and that's dinner. (and two panadols)... 

thank God I made it back home safely without pukeing/ blacking out .. and I got my replacement earphones  (which fell 10 floors down the gap in between the lift - fortuanately, it was not those ultra high end ones.. but still it's $60 thrown down the chute - and i only used it for two-weeks?) foc. cuz it was paid together with the mircowave.. :)

Tempted not to turn up for work today should the headache persisted. But panadols work wonder.. (just two tablets of it) so right now am typing away @ harbourfront.. intended to head out of office 545 sharp. Cuz.. tired and need to spruce up my room tonight (or hide the stash of clothes somewhere) cuz the renovation guys coming over.. (the tiolets in the house are up for minor reno. works..)

Human Race

Cuz I didn't managed to participate in the SG HumanRace on 24October (the online slots filled up superfast and the physcal registration take place on a weekday - and my feeble attempt in signing up failed - cuz the queue was snaking long - cuz mainly those in the queue are students.. and I have only one hour of lunch break..) , I signed up for the foc online (sync-it-yourself) nike+ Human Race 10k instead. Also signed up the Guys vs Girls Challenge - for the fun of it (and for charity too..).
Never did I expect to be among the top 10 in the leadershipboard for the gals team till I clicked onto the leadership board for fun..

Here's the pictorial evidence (as at October 14, 12 noon):

Currently, am in the 7th among the gals and 26th overall of the 619 who are in the challenge.. but then again, it is in the distance ran - all thanks to e (who enforced the 3 times a week "training runs"), i get to clock in at least 40km a week (not including the run mandated on pt day..) Not that I'm that fast.. haha..

And.. the GE run is coming.. Alas.. think it'll be impossible feat to do under 50min.. i will have to run at a pace (continuously) @ least 12km/h. That's is crazy..  currently the average pace is only like 10..
Shall attempt to try still.. nonetheless..

lalala

ask and you shall receive...

Was glad that I went jw prac instead (didn't wanna go rw cuz none of my cg peeps going and i don't want to be there alone.. )- as well as risking bumping into peeps that I might not wanna see..

glad that I didn't take up nicole's offer after prac to share cab.. instead, i took the mrt..

glad that I walked all the way to the station and did not wait for the bus

glad that I missed the train and got on the next instead.

Made a wishful prayer while on my way to the station.. And it came to pass @ rp. :) :)  Was indeed glad for the chain of activities that had happened and aided to end my day on a lobster-happy note.. cuz saw "lobster-red" mib @ rp... but didn't talk until our ending stop.. :)

gee.. but if it ain't so, why my request materialise? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

@ 3am this morning...

Decided to not let my songsheets be homeless anymore - cuz I think the Conventional clear folders are ugly and bulky and heavy.. so I did this in the middle of the night.. @ approximately 3am.. Quite fast.. think less than 15 minutes..   *was playing silly fb applications then before that*  So my songsheets are orphans no more... YAY!

Mind over body

Matter of fact - my body is screaming for rest.. And it refused to wake up in time for the am pm.. I think maybe it's suffering from fatigue due to the mileage clocked.. (my "kars" didn't get a rest since Friday..) so.. I contemplated in working OT and not going to pm pm and to head home to zzzz.

None of the actions did materialised.. @ 1745 sharp... grabbed bag and headed to RW.  reached destination 20 minutes later.. and was rejuvenated after the pm..  And almost wanted to head home after walking past the stretch of restaurants along the boat quay ( i realised there were a LOT of seafood restaurants) and my digestive enzymes were roused.. but still my "kars" ferried me to the gym.. and did my "instructed" shorter run..

And as a reward for doing my runs on 4 consecutive days.. I get to meet my carb crave (with e's approval.) though i was tempted to get junk food.. but .. nah, dinner was just porridge.. and preserved radish omelet (so much so for the approved indulgence).. :)

The brain is amazing right?

source




while googling for a brain image.. found this article - Running makes you smarter! :)

above all else

Okie, have been doing quite a bit of online virtual gardening.. (such as the cutesy-easy on the brain games - like farmville-see left, country story and even the garden patches in pet society), so perhaps that's why the analogy I've got regarding the situation was in the pictorial format of ploughing at the barren land and replanting..


And that's what God has been doing for a while.. what seemed to be growing to the Farmer seemd to be NOT to be in the right ground.. so He pulled the plug, removed the existing growing crop and re-tilled and prepared the ground for planting again. Seeds have now been sown.. But the seed being sowed in the ground is buried and can't been seen.. Liken to be "death".. just that if the seed is really dead, it will not have the capacity to grow and burst out of the seed covering and for its shoots to pierce throught the ground, into the light.

I think the seedling is about to emerge from the soil ..

Amazing how He works.. *like my previous post - He knows all things - whether if we admit it aloud or not*.  And how timely that the last I entertained those stuff was minutes before the Word was preached. :)

Above all else, I exalt You... *else.. I prolly won't be doing what I'm doing weekly... cuz it just feels that it's heading nowhere but simply became a habit after five years.*  And i was pretty amazed @ how "enthusiastic" I was in the inital years..  that seemed to have wane.. *so the prep talk in the stairswell sorta fell onto ear-wax-clogged ears - cuz I've been there, done that - continuously until say recent months... not that I don't go the extra - BUT sometimes it just seemed so political and what's the point, just demand more and not really understanding..  but the point is Him.. not the human factor.. so.. until He gives the go ahead.. bite the bullet...

Like how i managed to coax my brain to obey the "ruthless" demand from e to do the following:

1. 10km on fri - (i did it 2+ mins over an hour... it led to timing restriction on point 2)
2. 10km on sat- (despite working till 3pm and not really had a proper lunch and ls-ed thrice before hitting the treadmill.. ) and did it 25sec off the stipulated timing (or else - torture awaits.. ) Guess what, the back-to-back made me lost 200grams.. definitely not water loss cuz i rehydrate after that.. or it was the run + those weight reps on fri?
3. The usual 2 hr run on sun (that deprived my sleeping a bit later for the past one mth - since e started his prep for my marathon -depsite telling him that I am only doing a half for standard chartered run (which is good.. cuz cgl's wedding on the eve of the run - else it will be a rush cuz can't attend service that weekend le.. anyway, the running tee is not as nice as last year.. )

Overslept this morning so, did the 2hr thingy in the evening instead..
And my tired muscles almost gave way this evening after the loop @ end of pasir ris park (the end near aloha chalets..) -  cuz it was turning dark (ard 630) and I was tired. BUT my sheer stubborness to complete and not to break my promise [cuz I felt bad that e nagged non-stop that I didn't keep to the promise - no crappy diet & the stipulated runs.. - i only missed 2 shorter long runs just once- last week.. and he nagged.. and nagged... until i finally agreed to his (not do-able) threat - 500reps per station .. T_T"] oh yeah, I could have spun the white lie that I did but hey, I can't do that .. anyway, it doesn't benefit him regardless if I follow instructions or not.. 

Disclaimer - I don't think e is sadistic, he just knows what I am capable to do and (my avoidance antics) so just gave the EXTRA motivating nags and threats. And this is should be out of his JD i think.. cuz i just pay him technically for an hr of his expertise a week.. ) so.. hence I'm appreciative of his naggings/ dedications.. 

Anyway, while I was pushing myself to finish the last hour - I realised something.. I was going a bit faster cuz of the crazy under 1 hr attempt I did on sat.. which another revelation unrevelled in another dimension - Once stretched, it will not go back to the original state again.  e's "under one hr condition" forced me to run @ least at a pace of 6min/km continously -which i've no choice but to go faster than that cuz of the slow pickup pace during the inital minutes.. Once the mental barrier that 6min/km (i.e 10km/hr on the threadmill speed) is a killer pace to do non-stop ( my comfort zone is anything less than 10km/hr), it was actually achievable feat.  SO.. linking back to the theme .. if i can perserve and push myself naturally, the same can and will applies to the 4th Dimension .. Or it is already happening? :)

And the principle of being accountable.. If I don't need to be accountable to e on the running timings, I'll prolly be stuck at the old speed..  So..yeah, i need to do something else too..

time to zzz.. trying to make it to the am pm @ HoG. :)

I can see what you are doing... even if you think no one else will notice

During service, I sat at the first row of the slope nearest to where the choir platform was. And lo and below, there was these two guys seated in the last two seats 3rd row on the floor area that were very distracting. (cuz they were directly in front of me.) Oh well, since they were spotted with the smiley face sticker - i figure that they ought not to be NEW. Throughout the service, these two guys either don't understand the language being spoken by Pastor or they were simply not interested. (One of them should be a believer at least, but the bible that he jokingly showed the other guy was just the NT and in chinese. - hence i was wondering, are they in the right service, but then again, they are wearing the smiley face sticker.. )

Other distracting  and disrespectful antics (that peeve me cuz they were not giving the due respect to Pastor, who was preaching despite on the verge of losing his voice) include chatting among themselves, fiddling with mobile phone - no doesn't seemed like he was using the e-bible in phone..), trying to clap different "styles" - such as like what a  monkey/chimpanze would; alternating directions, and apparently, entertaining themselves and not really giving a clap offering. (I was darned peeved @ the disrespectful behaviour displayed.. i guessed these two chaps should be still sec-sch going - if i was seating in front /next to them, would ask them not to monkey ard)..

One of them then reached his hand into the bag of the other and fish out something sneakily and quickly and popped into his mouth. the other did the same and started munching.. (should be some junk snacks..) and they grinned at each other - as if very pleased with themselves that noone knows that they are snacking in the middle of the service..  and the sly grin on the chap's face amused me - cuz I saw everything..

Then this struck me even if no man sees what you are doing, God sees.  This chap, is happy that he thought he managed to pull a stunt like stealing a bite without anyone noticing.. yet there is one human being who saw the act. Not to mention God. (and perhaps Pastor did too.. cuz .. u can see almost what everyone's doing when u are on the stage, especially when you are the odd one doing what others aren't doing... ) And read someone's status that he/she doesn't want to lie to God about his/her situation.  We don't really need to lie to our Creator how we feel - He knows.. I guess the only party being lied to -is him-/herself. So yeah, we need to face up to reality cuz it's pretty pointless to paint up a facade to God Himself.

removed

oh well... @ least I am not the initating party that removed her from the "friends" list in fb.(frankly, i figured that that day will come, don't think she wanna give a hoot of what's up with me.. so plain simple, remove entirely... ) I guessed if that's how she wants it, I can live with it... I can't please everyone right? Perhaps not doing anything about it warrants that I'm not interested in glueing back the pieces. Or she thinks that I'm the party @ fault? Sigh...

Oh well, what can i say? I wish her well. Perhaps one of these days, when I've the guts to do what I oughta do many months ago. Afterall, there's only two mobile no. I can remember off memory, mine being one, the other- hers (if that's not changed).

if she thinks that I'm like the Meredith Brooks' song, so be it... perhaps for a good few months of 2008, i may have been. oh well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

it wasn't that bad afterall...

I was pretty touched by the text message I received on my way to cg..  Surprise indeed.. as I was kind of apprehensive of doing that.. - Cuz (a) I admit that I wasn't that ready (alright, don't think that there will ever be time that I would be willing to say I am - the innate "nuah" nature); (b) I get distracted easily (some people clap @ 1-3 while some clap@ 2-4, putting both together.. u clap @ every beat!!!); (c) i don't have power voice; (d) ... the list could just go on if I wish...

But perhaps He knows that I need a lil encouragement... so I got one in the form of a surprise sms from tris,  who probably deciphered from my previous post what part of the cg I'll debut it.. (smart boy! yay.. will add to his collection of the f.r.i.e.n.d.s collection.. haha.. perhaps I should get it too.. haha.. I love the rachel/ross on/off/on/off part of the story.. and i love phobe's smelly cat song.. and prolly also goffy joey and crappy chandler bing.. and monica.. whom i think i can identify myself with.. haha..)

It was alright, i guess, prolly not as what I'd thought it will be, but still at least I think I didn't crack my voice.. and I think it was better than the last feeble attempt done 3 years back.. Guess what.. it'll be on-going till further notice.. I guess like the D:ream hit ~  "things can only get better"! :)

source

A qoute that truly reflects the spirit of this blog:

"my writings are either provoked by stupidity, or inspired by ingenuity. sometimes both."
Confusions

Master of qoutes, this friend of mine.. I should suggest to him to publish a book on his qoutes. :) *big $$$*

Re-take or Fresh?

I know I want to do this and I know He wants me to do this, but the various bad experiences and memories haunt me still...

So when I received the text message last evening from my cgl, I was sorta apprehensive. cuz tsktsk, my brain is efficient, it can call out memories (good/ bad) that happen eons ago.  (and I was on my to mango-fest with a couple of my colleagues... and aquire some more bulk to add to the spilling over wardrobe...- but it's 20% off.. - though i prolly will save 100% if I don't buy.. oh well, since damage is done, no point lamenting.. Will just refrain from new aquisition till christmas.. )

Maybe I've spoke this into action. Cuz last weekend, during service, we were to interact with the people seated near you for three minutes. So I got to chat with this Sec 3 guy. (Gosh!!) He was like (cool, you just serve choir earlier right?) And he was asking things like, so do you also lead p/w in cg? I was like.. huh? Not really.. (but the cgl did spoke to me abt this recently.... ).. ooo.. i got my blink blink (i belongs to a cg )sticker too.. thanks to amanda!

 I found the post that I first did the "full package".. (which was rather floppy..). Hopefully, this evening won't be that tramatic for me.. (at least my ex-cg won't be joining us for combined tonite...)... and hopefully, it kicks! :)  and it's not the full package.. so.. :)

zzz...zzz

Of late, I've been sleeping a lot.. A common saying goes, one needs lesser sleep as one ages. So in this line of thought, am I growing younger??

I realised on days I do my long runs.. I get knock off at night very easily...  Great for my eyes.. they don't need so much concealer nowadays...

Am still under the sleepy spell.. Shall attempt to write more tonight..

my miffy all snuggled up in bed!

hmm interesting.. not

an acquitance's fb status' 40 minutes ago " more and more pple getting off from my news feeds.."

oh well .. guess what... i turned off his too.. not sure if i was on his "offlist" though.. and that don't matter at all. (but sometimes juvenile updates can be entertaining at times.. ) Just wonder what prompted him to annouce to all his friends on his network that he is screening/removing/filtering some of his friends'status off his news feeds.. if you don't really wanna know what's up with your friend's life, do you still considering that person as your friend? Or the person remains listed as a friend cuz it feeds the ego that you have hundreds and hundreds peeps as friends on fb - but since you aren't really interested in their lives, are those friends really friends or mere headcount to boost morale?

Hmm.. This is interesting.. how the complex brain works.. and how God has made everyone of us unique individuals, despite weekly, we do get fed with the same spiritual food..

Happy children's day !

THink it was eons that children's day is a holiday .. i guess this applies to many Singaporeans who have gotten their PSLE certs. Except if you are working in PRC or in PRC.. cuz October 1st is their national day too.. I'm a Chinese (okie, i'm not a Chinese Chinese. but my race is Chinese).. and I'm a child too.. except that it's not within the common understanding of under 12 years of age Or under 1.2m (that's when someone cannot travel foc on public transport without a concession card) Oh yeah, everyone is still a child, cuz we have earthly parents and I've a heavenly Father too.. ;p Anyway, being both a child and chinese - October 1st should be a holiday for me too..

Oh yeah, one of my 歪理... :)