Undecided.

Next tues there is an audi ... (not the mains though) part of me wanna go but wonder if what could go wrong (the the few previous counts) could go wrong. part of me is half-hearted cuz not too sure if it should be this or that..

On thurs, i was approached by my cgl ... bascially to prep me for what's to come... i.e. cuz she'll be rather tied up in her wedding preps and yeah, it's high time for the well-rested to move up the scale. (again?) It's indeed a priveilge to serve in the house of God.. in the little ways .. Nah, I can't play the guitar (except for just ONE song and I think the genetic makeup of my fingers/ nails don't allow me to - short fingers, short nail bed.. okie. bunch of excuses... ).. and i can play one handed slowly on a keyboard.. (eh, but I don't possess one though.. and there will be a day i will learn....haha my long-time pal is too far away - and too brilliant to teach me.. )

Got this feeling - that this seemed like the second go at what I'd missed out two years ago.. .. Or would it be this or c'est tout?

And this seemed like a failed module that needs to be repeated till I cleared...

Come to think of it.. there aren't many exams that I didn't clear @ first attempt.. even the "tough" entry level exams for those who aspired to be financial advsiors.. as well as the entry/confirmation exams taken in my previous organisation.. (and by then I've oredi attended chc and haha never miss own svc/ cg even if paper was on the next day.. ) just the ab212 - silly management accounting which I think I got a marginal fail - E - which was the sole subject that was re-took.. and seriously my grades in ntu was marginal - cuz it was certainly not what I was called to do.. *which many of my colleagues -former and current - felt that I ought to be doing something like events / marketing.. cuz it's not my characater to be cooped up in office, but more like to interact with people and  I don't look "accountant"? Oh well.. I think so too.. Waiting for this figures-crunching life to expire...

Ego felt good after the above paragraph. Okie, not to brag, but more to illustrate that what's within my control, I can see, I usually be able to do it. Cuz if 先天不足，就靠勤奋努力吧。Yet, things in the spiritual realm requires more than ur brains (which was created by God) but frankly, those who can't process thoughts that well would prolly find it easier to believe... *so for once, it's good to be too-pid* but sigh, i don't think I am .. ;p

Oh well, let's just take things as it comes.. well, if you tell me two years ago that i'll grow to like running and haha get hooked onto it and will go on & complete long distance races. - my response will be T_T". Doh. Negative. But, never says never..  Oh well as for now, I've done a few runs.. and i only started last July.

In short, I am trying to psycho myself that if I put myself to it, i can achieve it. *Else my aching body would have call it quits halfway thru the 10 "clicks" that was "ordered" by e after the hr long torture..

It's not as if I'd not done it before.. just that it was flipflopflip then..

Now... next tues.. since I've given my word , will give it a go still. I guess this is like the last try. I wonder if the christmas big day will yet be another exclusion again?? okie.. one step @ a time.

Time to zzz . I need to work (again) later. I think I'll be working every sat until Nov end. Sobs. And no, no ot, no time off in lieu. Cuz small fry doing what big fry should be doing and simply trying to cope. With Him, all things are possible. :) *like typing this post with aching shoulders, aching arms.*