high temperature..

that's my body temp when i got home last night.. actually this was despite the two packs of lemsip max i had during the day.. Actually this was a rebel staged by my body telling me that I'd been "abusing" it and depriving it the rest it wants & requires!

frankly, I wondered if i would be on MC again today last night when i shivered to zzz... But there are thousand and one things to be done and i can't afford to take the MC.. (cUz if I'm home, harder to get out in the evening ~ cuz on duty tonight..) bUt God is my Jehovah Rapha! Prayed fOr a speedy healing overnight... and after 5 hours of rest and two panadols.. body temp back to norm again! [eugene.. thanks for ya sms and prayers! as for the thurs thingy.. think I can't cuz project makeover for my room gonna take place soon ~ cny coming!!]

leaving for work soon.. so i'm out of here..

Word Pair

Change or status quo?

Proceed or Retreat?

Hide or Seek?

Shallow or deep?

Finite or Infinite?

Make a choice.. make the right choice.. not by what you see, but what You see

Depth.. What are the dimensions? Frankly, the decision lies with you...

Don't hestiate.. Don't be deceived.. The clock is ticking.. It's time..

bed time @ 5am

wakey wake@ 630am..

what did i did in the span of 4 hours? I went thru' the webcast again last sat! now... no more dark clouds.. and question marks ( u know I scribbled.. really scribbled when i take nOtes.. bad habit that "killed" trees which i picked up in my notes taking era in ntu.. ).. and yes.. it's worth the forgoing of the zzzz..

alright.. good morning...

Imbolised...

Actually, never thought much of this..nevertheless, decided to share this with xinlian on our way home after cellgroup.. On hind sight, it's rather scary.. what if I did not make it? well.. here's what happended..

Tuesday night, after taking my medicine (which is a bland powdery tasting liquid ~ said to protect the intestinal lining..) at around 1145pm.. went to sleep..cuz was rather tired, and i suppose the other diahorrea medicine taking effect.. But strangely, at ard 12 midnight.. i was aroused from my sleep.. and yet.. I couldn't move.. yup.. just felt like the body ain't responding to my calling and yes.. I was trying in vain to wake up.. but I couldn't..

I know I wasn't dreaming cuz I could hear the cukoo clock "cukoo-ing" away 12 times.. Yet, I wasn't able to move any limbs and not even my eyelids were responding.. Somehow, i started repeating the name of Jesus over and over again... slowly.. I felt the tension releasing slowly... Tried to move and then another spasm of paralysis came.. this time was worse.. Determined not to give in.. tried again to overcome this... cuz I know I can't afford to give in (and I couldn't bear the thought of the consequences of giving up the resistance... ) then a voice within reminded me to bind the devil.. so started binding the devil in name of Jesus.. and at the same time, visualising what I would be doing next after I've broken free... (which was switching on the night light & turning on my hi-fi set ~ the Presence CD was in it.. cuz i know that drives whatever away...) and after a couple of minutes (which seemed like eternity..) I broke through.. and immdiately I did what I rehearsed in my mind... and peace came across after the first note of the CD resounded in my room.. His Presence was in the room.. and as for me.. I prayed in tongues till I fell asleep...

Come to think of it... it can be rather daunting.. And yes.. I've the room to myself.. And I guess for most people, they would not dare to sleep alone again.. Frankly.. I entertained that thought for a second.. (okay, maybe two seconds!) but 1 John 4:4 says that "You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. " literally, He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world..

I love the still small voice.. and yup.. not gonna be negligent.. and yes.. what struck me this from the cg sermon.. taking on new responsibilty & authority.. ( Still remembered what I told my former boss.. I don't want to go to the level of a team leader ~ which was the norm of the career progress for a grad there ~ yes.. I shun responsiblity and yes.. that was in 2002.. cuz i love the comfort zone then )..Indeed, i am given greater oppty for growth in workwise this year.. Despite of that, I'm not satisfied.. I sensed that I would be progressing to another place before sot. however, there seemed to be inertia cuz of going out of my comfort zone..

hmmm wonder what will happen this weekend.. certianly won't go unprepared.. Like what lian said (with regards to that horrendous incident.. ) some big is coming...else why would he bother to single me out to attack?

thursday.. gone by in whirlwind

last few minutes in the office..

the whole day just whizzed by... Pileup of work when i returned today ( my stomach staged a rebel last two days.. hence was resting at home..) Phew! wasn't selected for the ISO audit for recertification!.. (cuz I didn't have the time to go thru' the "ten-years-series"...

hmm.. sad.. one of my closer colleague gonna leave.. she asked me when would be my turn.... hmmm...

forward... mOving on..

hide and seek ..game to cease with immediate effect...hiding when i shouldn't.. seeking comfort in places I shouldn't...

17 days into January.. doesn't feel like its only 17 days.. yes.. hectic.. the "long weekend" seemed shorter than short.. And my rOOm is still in topsy-turvy condition.. (i guess unfortunately, unexpectedly, someone got a glimspe of that better condition a couple of weeks ago..but now slightly better state..)

Finally my notes are in order.. (ok, at least for the new book.. cuz ya.. have the silly habit of re-writting.. percuilar habit of mine.. to rejot the word again.. cuz u never know when they will come in handy!! actually, should have a couple more months not transferred over yet... shall do it this CNY then..)

yes.. moving on.. forward & upward.. the only direction to head when climbing any mountain!

Finally, the message came across to the dense one.. why did one chose to bear the heavy yoke when there is ready access to the much lighter one? why did one kept giving the timely word for others when the speaker is the one who needs it the most.. ?

Hunchback.. thou shall not be.. time to "downsize my bags" cuz not taking any excess baggage! (though you will see me carry big totes to contain the stuff that I need.. my barang barangs.. And my good old red corduroy bag is giving way after two years! Written off! so clue:: Bigbig bags 4 moi!)

Greatest love.. His perfect love.. No matter how many times you fell, He will pick you up. In spite of knowing what you would have done/said, He still wants you, cuz He already knows.. Even when you brain is not working and headed the wrong direction, He is patient and He brings you back.. Best of all, He doesn't remember the silly things you've done.. and make it as if the slate was never used!

kinda scary to realise that all this was nearly lost.. never want to lose the ability to feel His Presence, to tear in His Presence, to hear His Voice.. teared more in the past 48 hours than the whole of december 05..
I love You I love You I love You, and my heart will follow wholly after You.

I may not know how, but I know why.. and that equation would never simply be me alone.. and if not now.. when?

---------------

1Jn 4:17-19

"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

We love Him because He first loved us."

Unique?

Like what the saying goes.. beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.. different people have different standards, expectations, requirement.. the hidden aspect is usually what that draws people..or at least me.. just realised that when i have the chance to have closer view... indeed most aren't what the general would term as "perfect". Yet, my stand remains.. (yupyup!)

music...back..

hmm I guess I can't do without it.. since this is my blog.. it should be reflective of me..

mr brown's podcast for Jan14 was when I first heard Shelley Leong's music.. hmm.. kinda like the track she sang during the interview.. hence, went to CDbaby to sample the album.. hmm.. like it! hence.. using one of the tracks as the back ground music.. haha.. very tempted to head down to esplanade to get the CD! :)

duplicate..

somehow the feeling I get from watching the memoirs a second time is very different.. the company is different.. the element of unknown is gone.. with the memories of the show still fresh in mind ( i watched it on Wed.. FOC.. and tonite paid full price to watch it.. haha), it became kinda dry but.. still worth it.. amazingly, i did not zzz at all.. (not that i want to.. )

need to go off asap.. cuz wakey wakey at 6+ and yes.. i gotta prepare bs.. and its now 330..

hmmm no use complaining.. Need to be wiser in choices i make from now on... riddles? no> or yes? haha!

Reason...

There is an explanation to everything that one's doing...

Reason.. or excuse.. depending on how you view it.

Wondered why i did things that might seemed to be silly in eyes of others... and why i seem to notice certain things that seemed minute to others, yet it matters to me?

Today, or rather yesterday, someone with the genetic code XY made this remark.. "I'm famished now.I only had curry puff and ??(can't recall what) form OCK for lunch." Told him that I did not have my lunch yet.. Guess his reply... “you gals are different. you can do without food but not guys!" hmmm... interesting rite?

Pretty silent today. Was at starbucks with a couple of my cg guys just now.. I think I was merely an "observer/ listener" amongst their midst.. intimidated somewhat i guess.. cuz all of them went thru' much more than me.. so was listening.. and observing... Ha. maybe i should try applying license to speak at the Speaker's Corner.. hahaha.. Actually, am not one without opinion.. just that all along had been suppressing hence easier to remain the backgrd? hmmm.. time to change.. but actually from my observeration.. I do take something away from their conversation.. and yet.. it sorta cast doubts if I could do or called to do what I am to do...

riddles.. riddles.. riddles... gOtta stop this soon.. Look up! lying flat in the well! can't look back! look forward & upward!

Sleep.. rest...

yes.. I ought to be in bed now.. yet I'm not.. soon.. soon...

retro..pInk!

tried to create something from ms frontpage.. but not really successful.. hence modified something i downloaded (much fine-tuning...) and added some java scripts.. though one of the scripts didn't came out.. hmmm... still no music... :(

Swarmed..

Yup, it's 6plus in the evening .. and yes, it's FRIDAY.. And yes.. I'm stuck in one of the cubicle in one of the building along Thomson Rd. Yes.. I'm still at work.. And yes, I hear the echo of the sounds made on my keyboard.. yup.. mOst of my colleagues had left tO stary party for their weekend or their CNY shopping..

swarmed? with work.. hopefully can cleared at least 50% by 7pm.. taking a breather now..

Frankly, I don't really see how far I can progress on at this job.. Yes, I'm given the opportunity this year to really lead this interesting mix of teammates under me... 2/3 of the team had been around the organisation for more than a decade.. & yet.. the level of work is hmm.. Within the shOrt time frame of 2 weeks of work apprOving their stuff... I saw the perfectionist streak in me.. yikes..

Perfectionist.. I gUess I am.. In certain aspect, it's good.. yet it can lead to some adverse consequences..

man, it's getting hot and stuff here.. am gonna finish as much as i could and zap out asap..

backgrOund music removed

yes.. am a law-abiding citizen.. read this link and you know why! not willing to pay for the license.. perhaps when i come upon music that has no copyright issue.. else.. just the visual impact! :)

Ouch!

I thought the M1 phone bill was bad enough! 89.92! Cuz exceeded air time and sms both by $25 each).. Got another ouch when the Singtel bill came tOday.. 117.41! okay, that's including my broadband sub of $45, but Oh my gosh, exceeded my air time by $36! (and yes.. both lines are incoming free!)

And I thought two plans would reduce the cost.. Hmm.. perhaps I should upgrade one of the plan to one with more airtime!! Or.. cut one of my line? well.. hopefully, the receipent of the sms don't just delete without reading!! (though I suspect some off ones just plainly ignored.. Cuz i thought basic courtesy to reply if it was a yes/no question??)

hmm.. praying for a much lower bill for January!!

Memoirs of a Geisha

My preview tiX!

hmmm.. love the movie. (or rather story) ha.. Now I recall why l love the book.... the rich jap culture (ya, am one of the 哈日族) and the love story between Sayuri(chiyo) and the Chairman.. Ha.. yes.. the chairman.. hmmm the casting crew did a great job man, cuz the Chairman - to my imagination then was not as charming. Ken Watanabe sure make the Chairman very attractive (and never aged when Sayuri grew up!) Yes.. the movie was a watered-down version of the book, nevertheless, it captured most of the essence! ) so.. go watch it when it's showing!!

Now.. am tempted to get the bOOk to read it again! {Oh, cuz it was my friend's copy when I read it years ago! Or was it from the national library?]

yay!

Horray! I’ve access to the Internet at the convenience of my workstation wef today! Was selected as part of the 2nd pilot group of desktop surfing. [However, access to web-based email is denied. For safety reason. Obviously no msn or whatsoever.. cuz desktop surfing using IE may undermine security of our server/ database platform for work] Well.. system was running a bitsy slow today.. Hence, ‘multi-task’ a bitsy. Was toggling between Mozilla Firefox (informative) and my IE window (work). Not really much.. cuz mountain pile-up.. yup.. it’s the peak period. Since access to sites would be traced, navigated to the gov sites. Didn’t know that there is actually a FLU website! went to the MOE site as well.

Mentality of most final under-graduates or graduates who can’t find a job would have the similar mindset (worse scenario… go into teaching.. Thank God that this didn’t come to pass for me.. though if that really happened, I would have just finished my bond of 3 years!) Question: Am in the industry that I forsee myself to be in 5-10 years time? Am I ready to move on? Sure why not? However, looking at the salary scale of the graduate trainee teacher, I don’t think I would attempt to go into teaching.. not willing to take salary cut of that quantum. Anyway, not called into this area of teaching.. :)

Wow, would be into my 5th year at this organization in June. (Not including the three mths temp prior to uni admission and the industrial attachment!) never expect to stay till to receive long service award! Then again, would I last till June 05? Ya, am not exactly a techie expert at tax. (Though 4 years of hands-on work does make me much better informed in my area of expertise.) Which explains why I never attempted to switch to the Big4. Anyway, no point forcing yourself in areas of you aren’t that gifted in. So, obviously I won’t attempt to go for my CPA nor back to school for a Master.

Let me see.. subjects I like in school? Mathematics! Why? Sense of achievement to solve the problems. Chinese.. my mother-tongue.. spoke it since young. Which explains why i'm more fluent in mandarin (spoken) than english.. haha..limited vocab though cuz dislike reading mandarian stuff & stop chinese lessons after secondary sch.. hmm..

What do I like? The creative arts . Not trained in this area though… hmmm.. area to be explored… leave it up to Him!

Yay! dearie palie just asked me to watch “memoirs of a geisha” @ great world city later tonight.. yay!! Read the book quite some time ago.. well, captivating story. But since some of my pals have listed it as a “must-watch”… I shall find out tonite! Yay! :)

madness...

yes... i guess there's only word to describe the msn chat i'm having rite now.. madness... yes.. manifesting soon if i don't go offline..

nOise vs Voice

a voice within.. is it a noise or the Voice? listening to the right voice comes with practice and discernment.. the noise may speak in a manner similar to the Voice.. except with the element of negativity.. Yes.. the Voice does chasten at times but with the intention of getting one in shape.. the noise, on the other hand, usually urges you to slip into the mode of R&R (rest and relax) OR discouraging you with all the reproaches that cause you to sink deeper into the slums..

certainly.. it's much easier to listen to the noise cuz it doesn't require much effort... (people like nOise anyway.. some seek solace from the cares of the worlds by blasting their eardrums with loud music.. ). Listening & acting on what the Voice directs would most often requires one to have absolute trust and faith.

Reprogramming.. yes.. certainly.. our grey matter gotta be reprogrammed to ignore the advances of the nOise and be receptive to the Voice..

It's a matter of chOice.. just make the right one..

stop wavering... believe.. and act.. and He will do the rest..

the little things..

most people would not pay the least attention to the small things around them... for example.. most will take for granted that the toilets would be clean. ur waste paper basket would be empty every morning when u enter the office..

people doing the mundane tasks.. the rountine task... would definitely at one moment in time ask themselve.. why am i doing these thankless task.. would anyone see it... does it matters? I guess man.. being carnal.. would appreciate a pat on their back for doing things that doesn't seem that significant to most but then you need to get them done in order to complete the big picture..

What I caught from Joyce Meyers' word tonight ~ don't look down at the little things.. don't belittle the perceived-thankless-tasks that had taken on.. certain things done might seemed extra in eyes of others.. but hey.. it's the little things that make the difference..

When you're weary of doing the mudane.little things.. even if man don't appreciate.. God sees... Reward in eternity outweighs the rewArd on earth! :)

nites.. gotta zzz.. looking forward to another two great sessions with Joyce meyers later today!

Headache..

Yes.. Had this splitting headache since 4pm.. took an asprin at 4plus.. slightly better.. till 1030ish after the choir team b meeting..
In summary.. I was sorta "complained" by someone but God is good.. after yakking to my deaREST palie on my woes.. (rach.. miss the long chats we had... miss ya creamcream too..) I saw the msg from my leader.. hmmm it was only then i realised the messages were forwarded but my leader believed me... Yes minOr incident that result in my migraine worsening... other incidents include.. shall nt air them here though... [Clarification.. words used initially too intense, hence edited..]

Lesson learnt : don't do things last minute.. when you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
I need to be more infectious!!

Think trigger point of my migraine.. is STRESS.. am being stretched in all sides nOw.. (work wise, cg wise, choir wise..) Frankly... I wish i have 分身术 ... I know I won't be put thrU trials that I can't go thru'.. I've taken the first step now.. I can't look back now..

Glad to say.. I know I'm not doing this alone and not for myself.. yes.. it's worth it!
Yes.. planning.. something simple yet effective in the works!

Perspect.. New Perspect..

Realised that I will be serving for all the services till end Jan. which means.. I need BETTER time management!! And yes.. no compromise to cg.. Indeed.. much change is required this year.. can't lay in slumber again...

happy me just took the day off today.. cuz nursing a bad tummyache.. I guessed I must have slept for at least half a day! Despite of the excessive dozing.. my eyelids are droppy again..

New year ResolutionS? Still in the progress of sOrting out..

Love the challenges ahead!

Tight Rope..

Never had I walked on a tight rope before.. However, just two working days into the new year, I'm feeling the heat... From all areas.. i think I lost it this afternoon... good thing it was restrained outburst.. (changes in the hormonal level obviously did not help...) Tight rope? well.. no room for error.. higher expectation.. already boss had ticked me off..

Counted the cost.. by my own sheer might.. I guess I can only adjourn to what I really want to do in 2008. Needless to say..gonna streamline whatever area I could.. [one of the goal this year..] But I'm not gonna shut God out of the equation.. I believe in His Promise.. All I need is to trust in His timing.. The Holy Spirit reminded me of this simple truth this evening while thoughts ran thru my head.. if my earthy parents would try their best to buy me the best gift.. would my Heavenly Father not satisfy the desire of my heart? And yes.. it would be @ the divine moment..

I guess the song that best expresses how i feel... is playing in the background now.. Everything in Its time..

Fuming..

volcanic eruption.. can't stand it.. i guess it's the placment issue.. irritated.. and sarcarstically irritating. (the one higher up the rank... trying to sound reasonable yet sacarstic.. and this is not within my perview..) i guess customer service peeps just have the technique to do that.. IRRITANT!!!!!!!

the chronicles of Narnia

I'm one of those that stepped into the movie theatre without reading the book by C.S Lewis..Despite being "warned" by vic (my colleague) that the movie was a very condensed version of the novel.. I was touched and moved by the movie...

while watching how the plot unfold... it seemed that the movie ain't just another story to me.. Rather.. it was speaking to me.. what does it takes to rule & reign? It doesn't come easy.. and yes.. there will be the goliath. the fear to overcome before you can cross over to the next level.. And yes, it's a promise that we will rule as kings/ queens and priests with Jesus. (remember, there are more than 1 king/ queen in the kingdom of Narnia.. all 4 children were crowned kings and queens.)

Despite it's only the fourth day to 2006.. I'm already feeling the heat.. Workwise and cg wise.. All heading the same direction.. the same direction that i'd been trying to avoid.. Then came to realise.. it's really the time.. it's now or never... It's really gonna be a very different year.. Picked up the book that I'd read halfway ~ battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer.. really timely read.

speaking in parables again..

Oh,, just uploaded some pix (click here to see them!) taken in dec.. hence reason why i'm blogging at this hour.. cuz of the numerous request of me to upload.. seriously.. I have only 24 hours a day like everyOne else.. I think I really need to manage my time and do more with less....

yay! my printer is once again working (after downloading the driver from hp website.) thanks to vic's idea.. hmm woa..went pass serangoon/hougang area last evening,, [cuz took 74 to houghang after accompanying vic to the qianhubranch in serangoon] was surprised to see lightings hanging upon the trees! the heartland is getting more" happening"..

forearms protesting.. じゃね!

New Beginning...

Yes.. with the loads of stuff in the old blog which i'd started since 2004... I'd decided to start 2006 with a clean slate..

New beginning.. 2006 is year of greater heights to scale.. Can't and will not be looking back... Nope... I can't afford it and I don't want to.

Now's its the time!

Philippians 3:13-14
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.