seemed to title my postings via medical terms lately... or bouts of illness after another... rashes outbreak on my back this morning.. unexplained cause... not new skin products.. neither it's the environmental factor.. dust.. (feeling heaty & itchy all over now still, despite the aircon is ON)
have been "psycho-ing" myself to wake up lately.. well.. I am still counting down and i chose to believe DAy 0 will proceed.. - so much for being part of the team and yet so far away.. it'll be strange for me to strut down two lanes away to talk talk when the "team" are chatting.. Not being AS but hey thanks for the differentiation instead of integration. (though applying these terms in mathematics world.. i love this topic... yep.. I love maths.. hahaha.. Not a math freak BUT.. haha.. it's pure pleasure to solve problems..)
Sent a friend off to Japan last nite. (she's gonna take jap course there.. ) Kinda deja feeling.. And nearly teared.. (NOT that it's touching.. but rather, the thoughts that went thru' my mind is MUCH more tear-jerking.. ) Just the night before i was surfing thru' the ccc site cUz and skimming thru' once again the sca stuff.. Thought of taking a dip or bcc BUt that will mean @ least 2 years.. Taking at least 2 yrs off.. and haha.. how i wish time is on my side.. and yes.. finances as well.. while waving goodbye to my friend @ the departure gates.. scenes of me doing that flashed across and @the 1st glimpse of this familar playback.. "impossible" was the reaction.. Yet.. i was reminded.. "nothing is impossible with God.." well.. it's the timing...
REhearsal@expo.. well.. shouldn't say it was tiring.. just waiting and fellowshiping.. and gOt the chance to help faith in her vocal technique (nah I'm not THAT trained.. yet being in the school choir for 8 years help ba.. considering to improve on that.. NOT top priority yet..) was chatting with jieyin (the cutesy gal kept her "interesting stint" of "sea urchin" stunts) and faith .. in some of the free slots.. Well, interestingly pieces of advice you gave others are meant for yourself too at times.. like a double-edged sword.. Saw a familar face that I haven't seen for ages.. appeared to be doing fine.. miss the presence... but words published revealed abt the inner condition.. ganbatte..
..scratch scratch.. I've gotta stop endulging in reliefing the itch.. little bumps are forming on my forearm& back.. urgh...
Question.. i posed to myself.. why am i doing this.. well.. paint the reality out..
falling... the higher you go.. the harder you fall.. can the phobia of heights be overcame? bruised and bled.. there seemed to be newcomers that climbed while the fall happen.. and squeuezing the way out.. the farmer seemed to favour them more.. the painful fall (that happen suddenly and no apparent reason) is still a deterent.. (not to mention other inherent factors like weather, fertilizer. the cultivator's perference) but what's the seedling's response to the Creator?
... can that go away soon... internal strife to be settled..
am rather inspired by James (one of the dm members who is also taking a cg with median age greater than his and he's my age! ) who was sharing & encouraging us in what we are doing in the drama.. the small role that contribute to the big pix that ultimately goes towards the vision of pst.. I reckon some ard took it as an interesing conversation.. others may not understand... well. those who have ears let him hear..
hearing... I guessed i'm a mixture of the contemplative/intellectual/charismatic communication type.. understand is ONE thing.. translate understanding into action.. Urgh... and the rest that i desire will come to pass...
"fast and pray AH..." - this kept ringing in my mind... i know why.. you don'.. at least not now... :0
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