dreams... visualise..

having "thoughts constipation".. Many thoughts ran thru' my mind.. Revelations are fresh .. yet due to the "constipation".. unreleased...

Received an sms today... MAjor surprise.. life is fragile.. I'd lost a primary school classmate to the killer "C" last year... I pray this will not happen again... Same age... urgent.. need to be...

diligence... dissatisfaction... desire...

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during cg tonite, bro. Joseph asked us to visualise our prayer... Frankly, not just one thing appeared.. however, all elements form a storyline.. and yes.. xx.

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i asked.. i saw... received? by faith.. what did i see? tell you when it come to pass... >.<

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i wonder why peeps who claimed they love music have such a phobia towards the innocent scores? Don't they learn note reading in primary school? hmmm when the 1st half of what i saw came to pass.. am gonna take my theory lesson.. (haha, i still possess the Grade 1 theory book.. which I'd only gone thru' half way.. or should i ask sandi to teach me? hmmm she's teaching the elite class @ nafa though... and i'm way over age... )

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i knew why i chose to rush to attend the bs @ riverwalk last nite, then cab-dwn to JW.. hmmm I love WEd pRac.. And yuppie.. was very ministered to... despite of whifts of "salted fish" that seep thru my nose while on my knees... well.. it's time...

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funny that things i spoke to XJ before cg during dinner flow totally to what the msg tonite... :)

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brought to mind. a word on sat.. the silent one: " Do you want to stay here always? Not all here can be doing what is required offstage... "

I saw a red rectangle with two words imprinted on it right? I saw my room transformed.. to why the current arrangement works cuz space is created..

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Ops.. the random piece of thoughts just came... not flowing in sequential order.... C'est tout!

apply... apply.. apply...

hmmm seemed to be sending out application day after day.. had just released my cv to two co. that requested my cv @ jobsdb. well.. well.. come to think of it.. I better stop casting the nets cuz i don't have VL left for the interviews.. (well.. most of them is still around my current location.. ) well.. now it's a period of waiting...

well.. sunshine after rain rite? literally sunshine after rain...

well.. take the meat, not the bone..

rainy saturday ... refreshing sunday,,,

Saturday...was just like any other saturday.. :) the usual brekkie.. and I caught 4 epi of the new tvb drama series that i combed from my bro's room.. (he does reviews for the new tvb drama serials that's up for rental..) and wooo.. can't remember the title.. but starring one of the sauve actor that's charming think his name is joe ma? (na.. me not ci-lai okie.. just a once in a while indulgence... )

To avoid what i oughta do, i volunteered my service to do the alternative..which is every alternate week which means effectively running away from what i oughta be doing for 4 months now... Yes.. the rebellous nature strike.. I repent.. I'd.. after today.. little rebuke/ nudging from my dear Daddy's helper.. Don't get me wrong.. Not doing anything unlawful.. Just doing the good.. and not the best...

Service was great.. It was just like last weekend@ SIS.. I say.. the mascara sold @ pharmacy does is not inferior to the departmental brand.. i say,, maybelline's really "smudge-proof", so is the eyelinder from bodyshop.. (withstood the "crying test" for sat and sun service)

Nope... not tears of sorrow.. but was very touched and moved.. by God's presence.. And by what He say.. Inspite of the less than masturd seed faith that i've... His promises are yes and amen.. In short.. wait.. and yes.. the calling is irrevokable..

After service.. had a long debrief.. well, I just pray that those who have ears, let him hear...
Thunderstorms.. you need not wear it on your face.. Else.. what difference does it make? Are you making your problem GREATER than what your core beliefs centered upon? hmmm sounds like ee-ore recarnation.. Ops..

Threshing ground.. yep.. been there a lot of times.. since Sept 06.. well... Expensive lession learnt.. and percious humbling experience.. yet, thank God.. I'm still able to brisk walk.. (not running yet.. abt too.. picking up the momentumn..) It's good.. makes one STRONGer and more resilient to what's about to come.

After debrief after debrief.. dined with my fellow cg members @ the macua express.. at least not the "tasty" la mian... :p. Despite not being the full strength.. (not all managed to "tahan" the extended wait, and perhaps the food at expo not to their appetite?), it was a great "family get to gether".. not often that we get to dine with our cgl .. and it's also sorta farewell dinner before he flew off for a week... (maybe i'm not that particular with food.. picky yet easily satisfied with simple goodness like tau huay and fried fritters.. so the company i'm with is more impt than the food) well.. those who have ears let him hear..

well.. i reckon joshua was in a cupid mood.. well, despite diverting the topic away.. he still wanna find out the criteria of mr right.. (ya. mine..) haha.. well.. if possbile.. like bro Cal.. if not... well.. i think i wrote it somewhere before.. BUT .. cranberry again?... hmmm... nah..?

SUNDAY
It was an EARLY sunday.. Imaging waking up 5am on a Sunday morning.. (and i drifted to dreamland @ approxinately 130-ish.. after talking to xinlian for 1.5hr+) and some poor soul whom i called to wake up gotta listen to my ahem- "cracky voice" well.. doesn't matter... cuz.. well, a couple of us had brekkie with cgl @ bk (don' t think i'll touch the enormous sandwich for a looong time.. unless extreme hungry...) before sending him off.. And.. (yes. work will begin.. but thank God that long is ard.. so i get to be pa not main.. ops... the relaxing element popping out again...)

Service time.. Frankly, my flesh told me not to stay for service and find a place to "stone", but glad that did not materialise.. Cuz else.. I will miss IT... "pick it up again... Arise..." - that's the gist of it.. well.. the complacent part says, "after the other two.. then up i come.. " but hey.. that's a limited view.. So.. gotta chopped off that mentality (which is the very reason why i came to w110 in the first place..) And great feeling that I'll be upgraded from "economy class" soon..

pm was great.. I gotta learn not to strain my vocals while praying..

And yes. finally got the album.. silly cd shop AT raffles place mrt sold only the older album.. so hence wasn't able to get it cuz cd closed by the time i got home..

this week is bUsy week.. And warfare is abound... Well.. I'm ready.. :)

Excited.. have the chance to collaborate with vory for huiming's wedding stuff..

mission accomplished..

yelp.. it's a tedious process to fill up the application form.. let me grab some sleep... before the sun comes up...

Urgh.. i hope next friday i won't be doing this again.

everything in its time.. part II or part III

hmmm i dislike the waiting game.. YEt.. I can't stop half way now.. Am developing the T-word.. tenacity... well said.. :)

well, the message shared during cg was somewhat a reminder.. a audible snooze alarm that triggered after i off it @1800.. see earlier post... Reminder.. reminder... yes.. hence, decided to host up once again the very adpt tune.. which i adore.. corrinne may's everything in its time..

somehow.. i feel its coming.. have been sending my CV actively.. :) and despite declining that offer.. I know the best has yet to come..

Isaiah 58 ..
1 "Cry aloud, spare not; lift up your voice like a trumpet; tell My people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins.
2 Yet they seek Me daily, and delight to know My ways, as a nation that did righteousness, and did not forsake the ordinance of their God. They ask of Me the ordinances of justice; they take delight in approaching God.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say, 'and You have not seen? Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?'

"In fact, in the day of your fast you find pleasure, and exploit all your laborers.
4 Indeed you fast for strife and debate, and to strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this day, to make your voice heard on high.
5 Is it a fast that I have chosen, a day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush, and to spread out sackcloth and ashes? Would you call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the LORD?
6 " Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked,
That you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?

8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, your healing shall spring forth speedily, and your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'

"If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
10 If you extend your soul to the hungry and satisfy the afflicted soul, then your light shall dawn in the darkness, and your darkness shall be as the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
12 Those from among you shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
and you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
13 " If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
From doing your pleasure on My holy day,
And call the Sabbath a delight,
The holy day of the LORD honorable,
And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways,
Nor finding your own pleasure,
Nor speaking your own words,
14 Then you shall delight yourself in the LORD;
And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,
And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
The mouth of the LORD has spoken."

Just as i was blogging, Is 58 came to mind .. very touched.. the stubborn streak in me would perserve on in spite of it all.. well.. even when no one cares... He sees.. perservance (a mouthful word i learnt in primary school.. cuz it's part of the school motto : sincerity & perservance... the mark of a tao nanite? ?) In any case.. I hold on to what has been prophesisd.. i hold on.. words will not return to Him void.

gonna fill up an appli.. and going to 1st class citizenship soooon!

delay is not denial...

Haven't been posting for long. Why? Cuz..

Ever sat in a ferris wheel? The gigantic circular structure, usually found in theme park?

Felt like I've boarded one and haven't really alighted. It's a pleasure to view the scenary at the peak of the ride .. And yet after a couple of times, the scenary is still the same … You feel bored .. You wanted to alight .. Yet you couldn't as you can't exit from it unless (a) the operator stop or (b) you jump off.

Felt like I've spent the past six months in vain .. Or it's a lesson in progress that have yet registered in my mind? Sometimes, I envied those who seemed to be a world of their own. Yes, to others, they appeared to be peculiar, otherwise termed unkindly as "freak", "weird."Yet, at least, they are not bothered by the situation around, oblivious to the good & bad..

Holding on vs letting go… Hearing and not be affected.. There and not there… Matter of fact : Life as a contract staff is ultra unglam, humbling and yes.. Invisible at times… Yet, I know that all these are hurdles and steps I need to overcome…. Character-molding definitely... Indeed man look at the now and not the future.. And what matters ain't the destination.. BUT the journey. the stumbling, the falls, the scratches, the tears and yes.. all in all God revealed the intended purpose of it all..

The patient and trusting element of moi is at the very point being tested. Well, patience ain't my middle name..and seeking perfection is one of my greatest flaw.. - One example.. While QC-ing for the scorebook during the BH meeting, to my horror, my dear cg member presented hers fully dog-earred, WET.. and yes, this is despite my countless reminder for her to get a plastic folder (less than $0.50) to protect it. And i was too digusted by some of the sloppy dressing.. Cargo capris = pants? Faded black, a tone closer to grey = black? light blue = navy/ royal blue? URggh.. need to be less C ...

Haven't attended bible study for long. The crazy gal decided to walk from sgx centre to the riverwalk.. And guess what.. I made it there in 15minutes in my 2.5 inch high heel, walking at superspeed! cuz i left office @ 715! (There were moments that the lactic acid build up at my calves were unbearable.. and i was very tempted to take off my heels and walk..but still perserve on.. ) Saw ** at the reception.. Was rather surprised.. sometimes i just can't stand the way ** talk and yet .. ... hmmmm.. whatever ...

Well, bs was taught by Pastor Ming. It was a refreshing lesson - and very thought provoking … Oh.. It was lesson one of the Fivefold Ministry..

And yes .. Like what I texted max last night.. I do hope next year will be my turn.. Was packing my stuff the other day and saw the cutie pouch that ivory & r8ch bought for my birthday 3 years ago.. And vory's message was that it would be timely for use .. well.. i will preserve that to that day when i'm finally enrolled... :)

~ compOsed @ 17:55 when the whole team went off @ 1730 for some "enrichment" acca class.. ~

awake for 23 hours

cuz was trying to do something abt something... finally decided to do it... Cuz am tired of waiting.. for that couple.. so casting the net now...

wellwell.. let me catch the 45 min of winks... have been typing and editing all night long....

Pick me up!

After days of 'THAt', decided to have a treat. Hot steaming soup from Pret a manger! (Soup spoon too far away & it's raining!) Well, short-lived thrills..
Still waitg patiently..

Hated THat. Urgh! Stop entertaining THAt!

Rashes..

seemed to title my postings via medical terms lately... or bouts of illness after another... rashes outbreak on my back this morning.. unexplained cause... not new skin products.. neither it's the environmental factor.. dust.. (feeling heaty & itchy all over now still, despite the aircon is ON)

have been "psycho-ing" myself to wake up lately.. well.. I am still counting down and i chose to believe DAy 0 will proceed.. - so much for being part of the team and yet so far away.. it'll be strange for me to strut down two lanes away to talk talk when the "team" are chatting.. Not being AS but hey thanks for the differentiation instead of integration. (though applying these terms in mathematics world.. i love this topic... yep.. I love maths.. hahaha.. Not a math freak BUT.. haha.. it's pure pleasure to solve problems..)

Sent a friend off to Japan last nite. (she's gonna take jap course there.. ) Kinda deja feeling.. And nearly teared.. (NOT that it's touching.. but rather, the thoughts that went thru' my mind is MUCH more tear-jerking.. ) Just the night before i was surfing thru' the ccc site cUz and skimming thru' once again the sca stuff.. Thought of taking a dip or bcc BUt that will mean @ least 2 years.. Taking at least 2 yrs off.. and haha.. how i wish time is on my side.. and yes.. finances as well.. while waving goodbye to my friend @ the departure gates.. scenes of me doing that flashed across and @the 1st glimpse of this familar playback.. "impossible" was the reaction.. Yet.. i was reminded.. "nothing is impossible with God.." well.. it's the timing...

REhearsal@expo.. well.. shouldn't say it was tiring.. just waiting and fellowshiping.. and gOt the chance to help faith in her vocal technique (nah I'm not THAT trained.. yet being in the school choir for 8 years help ba.. considering to improve on that.. NOT top priority yet..) was chatting with jieyin (the cutesy gal kept her "interesting stint" of "sea urchin" stunts) and faith .. in some of the free slots.. Well, interestingly pieces of advice you gave others are meant for yourself too at times.. like a double-edged sword.. Saw a familar face that I haven't seen for ages.. appeared to be doing fine.. miss the presence... but words published revealed abt the inner condition.. ganbatte..

..scratch scratch.. I've gotta stop endulging in reliefing the itch.. little bumps are forming on my forearm& back.. urgh...

Question.. i posed to myself.. why am i doing this.. well.. paint the reality out..

falling... the higher you go.. the harder you fall.. can the phobia of heights be overcame? bruised and bled.. there seemed to be newcomers that climbed while the fall happen.. and squeuezing the way out.. the farmer seemed to favour them more.. the painful fall (that happen suddenly and no apparent reason) is still a deterent.. (not to mention other inherent factors like weather, fertilizer. the cultivator's perference) but what's the seedling's response to the Creator?

... can that go away soon... internal strife to be settled..

am rather inspired by James (one of the dm members who is also taking a cg with median age greater than his and he's my age! ) who was sharing & encouraging us in what we are doing in the drama.. the small role that contribute to the big pix that ultimately goes towards the vision of pst.. I reckon some ard took it as an interesing conversation.. others may not understand... well. those who have ears let him hear..

hearing... I guessed i'm a mixture of the contemplative/intellectual/charismatic communication type.. understand is ONE thing.. translate understanding into action.. Urgh... and the rest that i desire will come to pass...

"fast and pray AH..." - this kept ringing in my mind... i know why.. you don'.. at least not now... :0

flu in the stomach..

Not gastric problem.. but stomach flu.. viral attack in the stomach.. which explains fOr what I had went thru' last week.. well.. it's really miserable to feel bloated.. and wanting to throw up when food enters your body and the body pains.. Urgh and also the monthly thingy... and also that is still hovering ard...

i need rest... i need sleep...

Urgh..

to be continued... it's late..

why bother?

cuz i still believe...

real or reel?

Sometimes you can't help but wonder, whether what's going on around you are for real or reel?

that has left for quite a while.. but sensed that is back again. Can this cycle stop once and for all?

spent an hour searching high and low for my choir id.. i wondered if i had left it in church last fri after the bh prac? hmmm.. being persisent to core in certain matters.. i almost turned my room upside down till i heard it's time to stop...

Rehearsal today was a long wait.. Matter of fact was that my rest-deprived body was staging upheaval for the activities today... the body ain't cooperating, neither was the grey matter... but... did the converse anyway.. (i.e. not heeding the carnal voice..).

taken for granted..forgOtten..oblivious... maybe.. but not Him who sees...

real or reel... the real shall be protrayed as the reel... yet on reel when ought to be real.. and partially real when ought to be on reel... perhaps the masquarade was sufficient..

R8ch.. thanks for the sms. out of the blue. in the middle of rehearsal...

Urgh.. I hate that... Go away.. Out... yes the unanswered question of why still ring in my head... WHY?

Rehearsal ended early into the morning.. fortunately i didn't join sherwin, jieyin n faith for supper else.. tsk tsk..

YEs.. new things.. shall spring forth... this is the preparation phase.. ending soooon...what came to me during the worship this morning was yet confirmed during the de-brief session after the mini pm.. hang on.. i need and have to..

Urgh.. where's my pass?

Where are You?